The Habit Progress Network: infuse one life-changing habit at time, like Nick does Nick Skriloff

This habit is primarily for men.

Habit: Emotion For Emotion And Fact For Fact


What is the emotional state of this person I am speaking with?
How are they telling me they want to be interacted with and spoken with?
Given men's and women's brains are different, should I respond primarily with emotion or fact?
Congratulate yourself if you did well.

One of the greatest services you can give someone is to understand them. Stephen Covey, who wrote, "7 Habits of Highly Effective People," said, "First seek to understand and then to be understood." From birth men and women's brains are wired differently. Women's brains move between the left and right hemisphere much more than men link_. So they move between logic (left side) and emotion (right side) very often. So, many times an issue they deal with will have both an emotional component and logical component. Depending on the issue you need to address any emotional component first and then address the logical component. If you only address the logical component then the woman will, more than often, feel misunderstood. Then we are back to not serving them well because we are not understanding them. So, before you speak you need to ask yourself, "Am I dealing more with primarily an emotion or a fact, a feeling issue or an issue that needs an immediate solution?" As Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn talk about, you need to go through two levels to really help fix the problem. You need to see clearly the difference between the emotion she is feeling and the problem at hand. As men we like to fix stuff. Even though God has wired men more to fix problems, if you really want to fix the problem, FIRST FOCUS ON THE EMOTIONAL ISSUE AND UNDERSTAND THAT AND SECONDLY OFFER A LOGICAL FIX FOR THE PROBLEM. In the same way, when you change the brake pads on a car you have to first take off the tire, if you are going to help a woman with an issue you have to first figure out if there is an emotional component, and address that, and then deal with the problem to truly fix the whole problem. For example, if a guy says to another guy, "I am not doing well in this class I am taking, what should I do?" The second guy might say, "Are you taking enough time for it you dope? Do you have a quiet place to think? ..." He's going to offer solutions. However, if a girl says the same thing, not always, but most of the time, YOU WANT TO REPEAT BACK TO THEM IN ALL SINCERITY THE SAME ISSUE BUT FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE—THIS IS CALLED REFLECTIVE LISTENING. You want to say something like, "Yeah, I remember when I had a difficult time with a similar class, it made me feel kind of like a dope. How about you?" You address the emotional component first to see if it is there. Why are we doing that? Because women are more process oriented and see things as all connected together, all munged together (I wonder if that is part of the reason women buy the majority of books on average link_ ). Their brains are constantly moving between emotion and facts. So by you entering into the process, you are speaking her language. So if a woman comes to you with factual issue then you provide a factual response, but you ensure there is no emotional component. If they come to you with a feeling issue then you provide a feeling response. This principle of matching emotion for emotion and fact for fact can be one of your most powerful communication techniques with a woman. In fact, Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." So, there is our mandate to engage the person where they are at, because it is part of serving them. You remember that principle.

Habit: Emotion For Emotion And Fact For Fact


What is the emotional state of this person I am speaking with?
How are they telling