Juan on One Coaching Juan R. Arroyo Yap

I discovered a pattern today. An environment that continues to repeat throughout my life.

**_In high school,_**  my passion for honesty, thoughtful action, and integrity help me create the perception of being a know-it-all. A spoiled brat who slammed doors and books when things didn't go his way. Due to this behavior, I alienated many people. I felt out of place. And, only a handful of people took the time to go beyond appearances and seek to understand me.

**_In college,_** I used my high school experience to keep to myself and just do the class work. I didn't make any friends. I didn't go out. I spent most of the time by myself. I felt out of place because I wasn't interested in what classmates where doing and didn't have someone to have meaningful conversations.

**_In corporate,_** I got better at building relationships and working with others. Yet, my passion for challenging the status quo and doing the "right" thing for our customers and coworkers, became a reason for people to believe, once again, I was a know-it-all. Things got worse after I passionately pursued leadership development. I only felt safe having transparent conversations with a handful of people.

**_After corporate,_** I came to realize that all those relationships I had during my corporate days, where mostly superficial and most people didn't really care enough to stay in touch. Furthermore, add the lack of support from the closest people in my life, and once again, I find myself feeling out of place and tackling the world alone.

_What's the message? What's the lesson to be learned?_

I'm not really sure about the answer but I can share the 2 ways I'm thinking about it.

# Option 1 - It's what I created and deserve

Whether consciously or unconsciously, I can argue that I created the loneliness and limited friendships based on the idea that's how life should be or that something is wrong with me.

This is the opinion I have had for some time. Since my corporate days, I take 100% responsibility for my circumstances and feeling like the oddball is a result of me not being able to adapt my message to the groups I am a part of.

For many years, I thought I was doing everything wrong. I still have those moments, today.

# Option 2 - I'm simply talking to the wrong crowd and in the wrong place

Currently, this is the idea I am more invested in. I think that, while I definitely had responsibility in creating the 4 scenarios, I have been trying to make myself fit in a box I do not belong.

I started believing this when I noticed the same message didn't connect with my immediate network but did connect with people outside of my network.

My challenge has been believing in this perspective strongly enough so that I stop trying to get my current network to buy into my message. For whatever reason, I continue to try to mold myself to a place I do not seem to belong.

Thus, I'm working on expanding my network and finding those who need and want to listen to my message. I do not fully know where are they but I do know they exist.

**_I'd love to meet those successful professionals who have reached a point in which work has taken over their lives and they no longer fill challenged and fulfilled by what they are doing. They have succeeded at the expense of the time for the things and the people they love. They want to change things but they are afraid of what others may think and their performance declining._**

If you know someone who is probably in this situation, I'd like to meet them.

If you are that person, let's setup a time to chat.

Be well,

~Juan

Every now and then I like to challenge the status quo. This time I'm ignoring the best practices and just acting based on inspired ideas.



I'm thinking this is going to generate better experiences for me.

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Whenever I coach someone who is struggling to move forward, I usually start by asking where they want to go.

Most of the time, the response is a flavor of getting away from the current challenge instead of sharing the vision for their ideal situation.

I know the feeling because I have done it before. I have spent 99% of the time thinking about the problem and forgetting about why is it a problem in the first place.

For the past 12 months, I have been attempting to follow my own practice and clarify my vision. I dislike admitting that my results have been inconclusive.

For whatever reason, the vision exercise is not helping me focus my energy.

Instead, what's getting stronger is the feeling that I should go back to my roots, walk in faith and just action inspired by instinct rather than logic.

Thus, that's what I'm going to be testing going forward. I am going to structure my day based on inspired ideas.

On the surface, it appears I am contradicting myself. Yet, I am not.

My purpose is to create a life in fully customized to who I am becoming. My internal compass is currently telling me to walk in faith. I have already tried the rational way and haven't seen the results I want. Thus, I'm trying a different way.

Only time will tell whether I am right or wrong.

Here goes a reinvention of Juan.

Be well...

I have been at war with myself. On one side, my body is asking me for rest; on the other, it asks for action.

The result? Mental burnout.

After the previous episode, I had to ask myself what did I do to bloom where I was planted.

Here's what came up...

# 1. Invest only in those who appreciate, acknowledge but don't focus on the rest.

While I wanted everyone to value my message, I had to learn getting everyone involved was more detrimental to my health than investing time with those who naturally valued what I brought to the table.

In the beginning, I thought my passion for leadership development was like bacon. Something everyone should be excited to eat. Then, I remember there are plenty of people who dislike it and many others who have zero interest in trying it.

Once I stopped expecting for everyone to join my crusade, things got a lot better.

# 2. Commit to stand for something

I was able to build a following by being consistent with my message and being willing to share it.

Early on, I focused on standing out by doing what everyone else was doing just faster and better. Once I choice to go against the grain, it's when it became easier for me and others to determine whether it was a fit or not.

# 3. Be willing to pay the price

As I said before, as soon as I started sharing my voice, separation began.

Some people felt threaten and started questioning my credibility. Others simply stopped talking to me. Many look for ways to criticize and use workplace politics to stop me. And, only a few, showed active support.

In the end, I had to be willing to deal with the consequences of choosing to chart my own course.



I believe these 3 choices helped me create a sense of autonomy that allowed me to feel in control within and environment that didn't value my passions and talents.

Let's say I was taking the nutrients from one place and blooming in a different one.

I hope this gives you ideas to create your own universe and bloom where you are planted. If you are looking for a resource on the culture, I think [Jon Gordon's book, The Seed, could be useful.

Be well,

~Juan

Here are 2 stories that helped me understand the power of environment.

Do me a favor, I'd like to know how your environment has fortified or limited your success.

Hitting in baseball has shown me a lot about living life fully.