115 episodes

Founded by coach and teacher Joshua Steinfeldt, The Courageous Life invites you into a deep conversation about finding the courage to pursue what matters most in life, work, and love.

The Courageous Life Joshua Steinfeldt

    • Education
    • 5.0 • 6 Ratings

Founded by coach and teacher Joshua Steinfeldt, The Courageous Life invites you into a deep conversation about finding the courage to pursue what matters most in life, work, and love.

    Practicing Courage #19: The Art of Saying No Effectively

    Practicing Courage #19: The Art of Saying No Effectively

    Yesterday I released a conversation with Dr. Vanessa Patrick.

    Vanessa is a professor of marketing and the associate dean for research at the Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston.

    Among other things, Vanessa researches what she calls the empowered refusal - A way of saying no that stems from your identity. 

    This empowered form of saying no becomes possible when you have clarity about who are, who you want to be, and what matters to you. 

    For me this was one of the more practical conversations I ’ve ever had on the show

    Largely because saying no can be hard at times. 

    Some of the reasons why saying no can be challenging include:
    You might feel if you say no it could damage to your reputationYou may have a fear that saying no will feel bad. More specifically that saying no will feel worse than saying yes (and at some level you may want to avoid the discomfort).You may be afraid saying no will upset someone or that saying no may create a rift in a relationshipAdditionally within the context of organizations (which is an area of expertise for Vanessa) saying no can bring on additional layers of complexity.
    There are power dynamics at playThere is added pressure to performThere may be a desire to move up, receive recognition, The list goes on…
    So like I said it was quite valuable to talk with Vanessa. Not only because of her expertise on the topic, but also because her work truly lies at the intersection of art and science.

    Her research has revealed the ingredients that lead to an effective no, but like most recipes…there is also an art involved, and Vanessa’s deep experience working with leaders has offered further insight into that art - offering really practical ways of communicating no effectively in the work environment. 

    For today’s practice I will offer a few practical takeaways from the conversation with Vanessa that you can take and experiment with in your own life. 

    I  hope you find it useful and if you want to dive deep into this topic though I would encourage you to check out our interview (if you haven't already):
    The Life Changing Power of Saying No | Dr. Vanessa PatrickOr  pick up a copy of her book: The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You In Charge of Your Life
    Thank you for your practice.

    I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

    -Joshua

    Looking for more practice opportunities? 

    Check out:
    Past Practicing Courage episodes in the podcast feedThe FREE Practice LibraryThe Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge and The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge. Support the show

    • 12 min
    The Life-Changing Power of Saying No | Dr. Vanessa Patrick

    The Life-Changing Power of Saying No | Dr. Vanessa Patrick

    Have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no?

    Has saying no ever been a challenge for you?

    These are such common experiences that today’s guest, Dr. Vanessa Patrick has written a powerful new book that addresses them head on: The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life.

    Dr. Patrick researches what she calls the empowered refusal, which is a way of saying no that stems from your identity, who you are, what you care about, and how you want to show up in the world.

    Today we'll unpack the art and science of the empowered refusal. Or put more simply - how to say no effectively.

    In this episode Vanessa will share: 
    More insight from her research about why so many people say yes, when they really want to say noCommon fears and obstacles that get in the way of saying no effectivelyHow to get clarity about what really matters to you and leveraging to say no from an empowered placeThe importance of how you say no, including powerful insights about the importance of aligning body language, facial expression, and tone to communicate a more effective no.How the empowered refusal can actually strengthen your reputation. Vanessa will also share language that can be helpful for saying no, including her practice of creating what she calls personal policies.And we'll get into a conversation about good work, and why learning to say no effectively creates the opportunity for work that leads to greater meaning and fulfillment. 
    Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:
    Gentle Power: Shifting the Way we Define True Strength | Dr. Elisabet LahtiLetting Go of Perfectionism and Finding Happiness | Tal Ben-Shahar
    Enjoying the show? Please rate it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Thanks!

    More about Vanessa:

    Dr. Vanessa Patrick is a Professor of Marketing and the Associate Dean for Research at the Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston. She has a PhD in Business from the University of Southern California and an MBA in marketing from Bombay University in India. Patrick has published dozens of research articles in top-tier academic journals in psychology, marketing, and management, and popular accounts of her work have appeared in the New York Times, TIME, The Wall Street Journal, NPR, LA Times, Business Week, Forbes and others. In her research, she investigates strategies to achieve personal mastery and inspire everyday excellence in oneself and others. You can learn more about Vanessa at vanessapatrick.net
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    • 52 min
    Practicing Courage #18 - Finding Balance Through Life's Storms

    Practicing Courage #18 - Finding Balance Through Life's Storms

    How can we meet the storms in our lives (both big and small) with greater balance, courage, wisdom, and love?

    It’s a huge question, I know. And the list of practices and answers is long, varied, and personal. 

    I certainly don’t have "the answer" for you. 

    What I do have are some observations and practices I’ve found to be particularly useful. 

    Today I will offer 3 simple practices that can increase our innate capacity to meet storms in these ways. 
    As always, the invitation would be to try on whichever practices seem like they may be useful for you. To test them, exploring how they might work in your own life, and to leave behind whatever is not useful.

    Thank you for your practice.

    I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!

    -Joshua


    Looking for more practice opportunities? 

    Check out:
    Past Practicing Courage episodes in the podcast feedThe FREE Practice LibraryThe Practice Pass - An annual membership that gives you on-demand access to robust practice experiences including the 28-Day Practicing Courage Challenge and The 5-Day Transforming Stress Challenge. And for more on meeting storms from a place of balance, calm, courage, and love, check out this conversation with Mark Nepo: 
    Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity

    Support the show

    • 11 min
    Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity | Mark Nepo

    Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity | Mark Nepo

    Today’s conversation has been 5 years in the making.

    In 2018 I sat down with Mark Nepo, one of the great spiritual teachers, authors, and poets of our time. During our conversation he posed a question to walk with. Inviting me (and those tuning in) to live into the answers over time.

    When my heart begins to close, how do I open it again?

    For 5 years I've been exploring this question with some of the world's leading thinkers, and doers.

    And today Mark and I will dive deeper into this theme, as we discuss the practice of opening the heart, in the midst of some of the storms we are facing: political polarization, climate change, gun violence, etc.

    How do we open the heart in the face of a storm?

    How do we follow our heart and engage in the practice of being real as we make the courageous journey toward wholeness?

    And, how do we meet adversity, and challenge from a place of love vs. fear?

    These are the three chapters of our conversation, and the big questions we will engage together.

    If this conversation sparks your curiosity and you’d like to explore these themes further, I would highly encourage you to pick up a copy of Mark’s book Surviving Storms: Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity.

    About Mark Nepo:

    With over a million copies sold, Mark Nepo has moved and inspired readers and seekers all over the world with his #1 New York Times bestseller The Book of Awakening.  Beloved as a poet, teacher, and storyteller, Mark has been called "one of the finest spiritual guides of our time," A bestselling author, he has published twenty-five books and recorded sixteen audio projects. 

    Mark was part of Oprah Winfrey's The Life You Want Tour in 2014, has appeared several times with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday and was also chosen as one of OWN's SuperSoul 100, a group of inspired leaders using their gifts and voices to elevate humanity. He has also been interviewed by Robin Roberts on Good Morning America and In 2017 Mark became a regular columnist for Spirituality & Health Magazine. Mark devotes his writing and teaching to the journey of inner transformation and the life of relationship.  He continues to offer readings, lectures, and retreats. For more on Mark, please visit marknepo.com

    Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:
    Reflections on Living With an Open Heart | Parker PalmerFinding the Courage to Live Without Regrets | Dr. Sunita Puri
    Introducing - The Practice Pass

    Interested in practices that support the art of living well? Check out The Practice Pass. Joshua's annual membership that features robust on demand guided practice experiences. Learn more at joshuasteinfeldt.com

    Enjoying the show? Please rate it on Apple or Spotify! Thanks!
    Support the show

    • 1 hr 10 min
    Growing Our Window of Tolerance | David Treleaven

    Growing Our Window of Tolerance | David Treleaven

    Dr. David Treleaven is a a writer, educator, and trauma professional whose work lies at the intersection of mindfulness and trauma.

    At the heart of David’s work is the notion that mindfulness is more powerful when combined with an understanding of trauma.

    Part of what’s behind this is the growing realization over the years that mindfulness meditation isn’t all good. There are a number of potential pitfalls that have been increasingly documented over time. One of which is that mindfulness can exacerbate symptoms of traumatic stress.

    As a result David has focused on offering mindfulness providers the knowledge and tools they require to meet the needs of those struggling with trauma.

    In today’s conversation David and I will explore a few big questions:
    What is the relationship between increasing our capacity to be with discomfort and a meaningful and fulfilling life?

    How can we increase our capacity to tolerate distress and discomfort while staying regulated, and responsive in the process?

    When we are working at the edge of our comfort zone, or are working with the more difficult aspects of our experience how do we know when to keep going, and when to back off?
    This is one of my favorite conversations on the show over the years. Partly because David is such a skilled teacher, and partly because the framework we'll discuss together (called the window of tolerance) is one of the most practical I  have come across for answering these big and nuanced questions about how to meet life from a more responsive and regulated place.

    Quick note: This conversation is a “long lost episode” of sorts. David and I originally sat down and recorded in 2021 during COVID, but due to a number of challenges during that time, I  didn’t get around to publishing it till this year, and I  am so happy to be sharing it with you now.

    Interested in taking David's flagship Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness Course? As a listener of The Courageous Life you can get $400 off.

    To receive the discount:

    1. Head to: https://davidtreleaven.com/trauma-sensitive-mindfulness-complete/

    2. Upon checkout enter the coupon code: courage400
    More about David Treleaven:

    David is the author of the acclaimed book Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness and founder of the Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness (TSM) Community—a group of practitioners committed to setting a standard of care through mindfulness-based practices, interventions, and programs. For more visit: davidtreleaven.com
    Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are more conversations we think you'll love:
    Meeting a World in Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love | Oren Jay SoferTrauma-Sensitive Mindfulness | Dr. David TreleavenEnjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts!

    Thanks for listening! 
    Support the show

    • 1 hr 15 min
    How Recognition Can Help Heal a Divided World | Michèle Lamont

    How Recognition Can Help Heal a Divided World | Michèle Lamont

    In her new book, Seeing Others: How Recognition Works, and How it Can Heal a Divided World, author and acclaimed Harvard sociologist, Michèle Lamont, makes the case for reexamining what we value to prioritize recognition—the quest for respect and dignity—in an age that has been defined by growing inequality and the obsolescence of the American dream.
     
     In today's conversation we'll explore themes from Michèle's new book, and powerful insights from her nearly 40 year career as a researcher, including:
    An overview of the landscape of recognition including how, and why, the American Dream has become out of reach for most people. How younger generations, including Gen Z, have begun to create a new dream that centers around a more inclusive society. Inspiring stories of change agents, young adults, and cultural icons who are creating new narratives that have helped contribute to a greater sense of dignity and inclusion for groups that have been historically stigmatized. Narratives: what they are, how they work, and the power they hold to shape our culture and societal views . Why working with implicit bias - a well-intentioned strategy that corporations often focus on to foster more inclusion, often fails.  Why focusing on reducing stigma may be a more effective path (than focusing on implicit bias) to creating inclusive cultures at work, and beyond. The power of shifting our focus to what we have in common, while also actively working to recognize the diverse ways one can live a life, can be catalysts for  healing a divided world. More about Michèle:
    Michèle Lamont is a Professor of Sociology and of African and African American Studies at Harvard University, where she is also the Robert I. Goldman Professor of European studies. She served as the 108th President of the American Sociological Association and her research has received numerous awards, including honorary doctorates from six countries. The author or coauthor of over a dozen books, she can be found on MicheleLamont.org.   

    Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts.

    Did you find this conversation inspiring? Here are other episodes we think you'll love:

    The Future of Work: Love, Safety, and Belonging | Leah Weiss and Jerry Colonna

    Finding Our Way Home to Belonging | Jerry Colonna

    Thanks for listening!
    Support the show

    • 44 min

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