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"I got it for SEX reasons"







In which we discuss the many forms of birth control and our experiences. There are highs, lows, horror stories, and Maisie apparently thinks 60 years old is old (??). Also, vaginas are bumpy. Wild. 







What Birth Control Are We On?







Some people get it for their acne, some people have periods that suck a little too much, and some people, like Lucy, got it for sex reasons. Whatever the reason is, let's discuss what each of our Throbbers' birth control situation is.







(We're going to be presenting a lot of birth control terms without context, so for anyone confused, here's a good basic resource. And here's another one!)







Sissel has an IUD (Mirena) after wanting one for many years. Before that, she tried the pill for three years, and also the Nuva Ring.







Maisie tried the Nuva Ring and then switched to the Mirena IUD after Trump got elected (just in case lol), and now she has Nexplanon.







Hannah got the generic pill in college, but had lots of mood swings on it, and then got Implanon (which was the standard goes-in-the-arm thing before Nexplanon). She's now on her second rotation of the arm birth control.







Kelly has never been on birth control, but has considered getting it for acne (but her skin's better now, thanks Hyram).







Gina has been on the same pill since 18, though it has been through several rebrandings. She also, unusually, has never had a placebo week, and doesn't particularly remember having hormonal changes.







Lucy got on "the pill" at 18, and didn't notice anything strange during 3-4 years of taking it, but then took a break from it and got very hormonal when she got back on. After that, she switched to the Nexplanon arm implant, which she still has now (and which, she says, has probably worn off now).







Why Did We Pick That Birth Control?







Lucy has had her ups and downs with Nexplanon, but she especially loves that you don't have to remember to take pills.







Gina has incentive to remember to take the pill because as soon as she stops the period starts, so she's more careful about it than she is about other things.







Lucy prefers the lack of human error that comes with the arm implant since sex, she says, involves enough human error as it is.







Sissel agrees. She's generally late as a person (we, the rest of the Throbbers, can attest to this) and kept taking the pill late. It also caused her to gain weight and give her "emotional ridiculousness." (Not taking it consistently also contributes to that).







The Throbbers add the caveat that Sissel's emotional issues also probably had to do with her shitty roommates at the time, but that's a rant for a different day.







Maisie's Horror Story







Her body doesn't like birth control, she says. But periods and PMS depression are inconvenient. It hasn't changed with Nexplanon, and in fact it's made her acne worse, hooray.

"This is surprisingly wholesome!"







In which the Throbbers interrogate Sissel about her recent exciting sexual encounter. We are sexvestigators and we are here to report the news!







A Grim Anniversary







The Throbbers come to you sadly, Maisie-less-ly, and celebrating roughly a year of covid restrictions. Hooray. We recall one of our last social engagements before the end times, which was Sissel's birthday party.







(Here we have a brief intermission from the sadness while Lucy's demon cat hangs from the blinds.)







Hannah brings us quickly back to why we're here: Recently, Sissel had an interesting sexual experience involving a foursome, and we all want to hear about it.







Is This An Orgy?







To answer this important question, we consult the best authority we could find: Bravo.tv.







(Via Bravo.tv) One of these people was maybe involved in a sex train, idk







This article, which was the first thing Hannah could find after asking Google what the difference is between a foursome and an orgy, actually begins by discussing sex trains.







What the fuck is a sex train, you might be asking. Well, so did we. (It's essentially a gang bang but more whimsical-sounding.)







Next, the article discusses the difference between a threesome and an orgy. According to this Very Reliable Source, an orgy includes more than five people all doing sexual things at the same time. It lists threesomes as a different category of thing and as a common sexual fantasy for couples. (We'll go ahead and apply the same rules to foursomes.)







Kelly asks the obviously pressing question: When you're having sex, do you count as a person? (The answer is yes, unless you want to get really existential.)







What Does Sissel Think About All This?







Sissel agrees with the definition of foursome versus orgy, because she says when she thinks of an orgy, she imagines sexual things going on in different areas of the same location. Orgy is a party vibe. With a foursome, you all stay in the same room.







Sissel, How Did It Go?







Time to dive in to Sissel's actual experience, which we Throbbers are hearing about for the first time.







Sissel's first reaction is to say good experience, ten out of ten. But what are the mechanics? Who was doing what to whom?? We're nosy and we want to know!







It's Not All Fun And Games In A Pandemic







We start by discussing the sexiest topic, safety precautions. Sissel and her partner have done this sort of thing before, but were obviously hesitant for a good long while to have sex with any other people. Her partner suggested they try again recently, but only if they could find people who they could deem "safe."







They used the app Feeld to swipe through potential participants and found a couple whose bio claimed that they were being covid conscious "because of the good, upstanding citizens we are."







Sissel found this adorable, and they set up a socially distanced outdoor campfire meet-up (in the dead of midwestern winter, we should add). They did two of these initial hang-outs to get to know each other, and found out that the female partner in the couple got tested for covid every week as part of a study, and that the male partner was willing to get tested before the four of ...

"I love you... Don't make a big deal about it."







In which the Throbbers discuss relationships portrayed in the media. The good, the Schitts, the Addams Family. Basically, we are #RelationshipGoals and no others need apply. 







Relationship Show Notes







We are the most professional of podcasters and unfortunately we are missing Maisie this week. And since we're still in the middle of a global pandemic and we are a sex podcast... we decided to discuss coupledom in media! Fictional is better than non-fictional.







Kelly begins by mentioning a few very functional fictional couples that she loves:









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hWwtom4kv4

Morticia and Gomez









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYUqiWZbxQM

Hal and Louis







We agree that Hal is the Supreme version of Bryan Cranston, sorry Walter White.







Kelly doesn't normally like traditional sitcom couples because the man usually sucks and the wife just goes along with it. Hal and Louis seem to genuinely care for each other and work together. They are so functional...







Kelly's favorite episode is when they are fighting because of a new baby and they decide they need to fix it so they decide to write lists about what they love about each other. Which would totally work IRL to help a couple. Who would have thought that putting work in would help a relationship!







Sissel's favorite episode is the kielbasa eating contest block party episode:









https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCl8rWAOrGY











https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4jGR_NC5Kc









Hal and Lois always stand by each other and it's the most wholesome thing.







Hannah remembers how Gomez and Morticia are a very functional and supportive couple. (We're all talking about the 90s movie, as a heads up. Cause Anjelica Houston and Christina Ricci are amazing.)







Side note: Kelly was recently telling her coworkers that Addam's Family Values is the best Thanksgiving movie.







Bad Relationship Examples







The fat idiot husband and the thin meek wife... is a bad dynamic and Hannah can't stand watching them. She also hates miscommunication in shows/movies, it makes her so uncomfy.







Maisie previously told us that she does not want her parents relationship because the lack of communication is so frustrating. (It's a common theme that we're annoyed with our family's lack of communication.) We've all had to act as the mediator to force communication that should be happening to happen. And we are in a unique position in that all of our parents are still married and have been our whole live. It's a bit of an oddity.







Lucy points out that her parents got married very young and their communication has improved over the years, but it REALLY improved after their kids left for college. Gina agrees that her parents got significantly closer and happier after the kids left.







Sissel says that kids inherently breed conflict, and so it's hard to be civil and approachable with your significant other. Post-kids, you also just have more time to devote to prioritizing your relationship. Just don't have kids, everyone!







Hannah is just confused that her parents aren't bored without kids around. They have no hobbies!







Hannah didn't even know that her dad was married prior to her mother until high school. It was a green card marriage and he told her he never told her because "she never asked." (Makes sense.)

"Yes, I orgasmed, otherwise I don't think I would have been able to forget the election."







In which the Throbbers investigate the breaking news of Gina touching...someone. Listen as we revel in Gina's safe sexual experience in the wake of Covid and talk about our feelings regarding sex in the time of a virus. Spoiler: We horny!







Important note: We recorded this episode in early November of 2020, before vaccines were widely available. Obviously a lot has changed since then, so take all our ramblings with a grain of salt. (See below for updated CDC guidelines.)







Sexy Show Notes







We begin this thrilling Quickie with some incredibly awkward Zoom intros but also some grand news! Gina has FINALLY gotten laid in the Plague!







via GIPHY







She suspects it might be the second time she has intentionally touched someone during the pandemic as well. It's been rough, we're starved for affection. Hannah straight up asked for a group hug!







Where to begin...







Gina did have a good time, but she also definitely wasn't totally prepared for her response to significant human contact. She did obsess a bit about the whole experience. But come on, she'd only hugged one other person one on one and then a group hug! She was completely touch starved!







She had been seeing him on a socially distant basis but also had shared air space, and felt comfortable exchanging the tools to contract trace each other and thus begin the new social paradigm of confirming nobody has Covid! This also did not prepare her for how little she remembered how to do any of the sex things. How does someone... make out?







Sissel really wanted to know the logistics of how things BEGAN. Apparently Gina has a wrist grab she does that really initiates the sex. Things began very raw and animalistic way, she wanted to touch everything and be touched everywhere. She felt very clumsy in her movements, and the guy did not. He apparently had had another Covid fling for practice.







How Different Was It From Any First Time?







Gina felt like Covid bled into every pore of this experience. Having someone in her space that was unmasked felt very weird. He also spent the night, which is unusual for Gina's sexscapades. She also christened her new apartment, new guy, new apartment, and new mattress!







Will She Do It Again?







Gina is unsure how interested the guy is in a round 2. She was annoyed by his non-committal response to what he might be doing the coming week. Plus when she had sex with this guy, it was the weekend before the 2020 election... Which I don't know if any of you remember it, but it was a very tense week.







She had a different experience with this guy because she did have multiple dates with him that weren't sexual or even included touch. She did develop some emotional bonding due to the six dates they'd gone on previously and she's really having to work at dissecting her real feelings for the dude from general desperation for human contact...







So will she seem him again? Maybe!







Did Gina Experience Touch Revulsion?







If you've been listening, in earlier episodes (3...2...1...Covid!), Gina talked about being scared of human contact. Apparently it had worn off and she did not feel disgusted by being touch or touching someone else. It was a heavy shield to carry and she is glad to be free of it. But also, the shield was good and necessary for a while.

"She may be manipulative, but she is self-aware"







In which we discuss toxic relationships and our own faults. In this budget therapy session, we learned that it's okay to make mistakes as long as you learn and don't continue to be a dick. 







Don't you know that you're toxic? (Violins)







We might all be toxic. At least a little bit. We're human, and toxic behavior is somewhat unavoidable. But when does toxicity become abusive?







Lucy wanted to talk about this because she's been in some toxic relationships, but she also knows that there are behaviors that everyone is susceptible to perpetrating.







Even in friendships it's something you have to work on and keep and eye out for. Lucy in particular has been made aware of how toxic habits need to be addressed--especially with friends that you also happen to live with.







But What Is Toxic?







Gina wonders if toxic is something--a behavior--that starts out small but accumulates until it is destructive. Kelly wonders if it isn't necessarily cumulative, but can also be something that exists at the same level for a long time.







Sissel said fuck all this theorizing, lets do some research! She found a lovely article written by John Kim for Psychology Today called 5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship. Honestly it's a good read, and John Kim is apparently very well versed in the subject, particularly Toxic Masculinity! He even has a couple podcasts, books, and other articles about it! Peruse Sissel's googling!







The basic jist of the article is that toxic things are a feature of an abusive relationship, but they are also a feature of a non-abusive relationship. Sissel thinks that this means, Gina is sort of right, in that when the toxic behaviors become too many too frequent that is when it becomes abusive.







Hannah really wants to know: How do you counteract the toxicity in a relationship? Well, for starters, here are some behaviors you might want to avoid:







* Subtle Character Assassination* Control Without Knowing It* Jealous Passive-Aggressive Behavior* Never Taking Ownership* Negativity For Too Long







Subtle character assassination is so commonplace in our culture, since teasing someone is often a standard part of flirting, but it's so easy to take it too far.







Yeah, we do all that shit.







We discuss how difficult it can be to recognize these behaviors in ourselves. Not to mention where those behaviors are coming from. Our well-educated medical opinion is that all toxic behaviors stem from insecurity. In fact, Kelly is really John Kim LMFT, writer for Psychology Today, so you know this is legit.







Sissel and Hannah reveal they are both likely to perpetuate "Control without knowing it" in their attempts to love too tightly. Hannah is also extremely Passive-Aggressive. Sissel used to be "negativity for too long" but therapy, time, and a lack of depression have really helped.







Maisie says she does all of these things! Supes healthy!







Lucy and Sissel's pet peeve is people who don't take ownership. Sissel especially has problems with her dad over this. Hannah has a history of being defensive instead of taking ownership, and she's working on it.







QUICK APOLOGY PAUSE!

"It'll be a quick in and out, you'll barely feel it."







In which we despondently reminisce about sex. Ah, those were the days... [recorded Summer 2020]







But first, some new family members!







We begin with an introduction to baby Nyla, the ferret, and a formal introduction to baby Lucifer, the cat, who turned off Lucy's mic in the last episode. Enjoy her hard work audible at the very end of Ep 17 How the Sausage Gets Made Part 2, it's like one of those Marvel after-the-credits things.







We also really don't know what time is and are exhausted, so bear with us on this "quickie" exploration through The Last Time We All Had Sex, the definition entirely determined by us.







Maisie















It was the beginning of the year in 2019, with a delivery guy, divorced with kids, and sadly it was never going to work out long-term. She broke up with him shortly after. It has been fine, the time has passed quickly. The pandemic really makes things crazy.







The sex was mediocre, the guy did not orgasm and neither did Maisie. She says she never orgasms during sex anyway, there are too many things going on. She honestly doesn't remember it very well.







Hannah wonders.... post-Covid, do you wanna have sex with someone?







Maisie is unperturbed by the thought of a global virus but is also completely lacking in opportunity. Though she does have a cute coworker that she would consider... but also that would be very inappropriate until she no longer works there. She historically hasn't had sex with people she's interested in. They just conveniently hit on her when she's bored and she lets them put their penises inside her.







Listen close for Nyla hissing!







Gina















It was February 2020 with someone off the apps. He was divorced and with kids. This is Gina's ideal demographic, as she likes the recently divorced who are just trying to remain unattached. No one wants those attachments, gross!







Enjoy a brief interruption for cat love and reminiscing on playing beer pong.







Gina had a nice date, and went back to his. It was her first sexual encounter since her break up in the fall of 2019. She sent out her warning text to all of us (I'm going to a stranger's apartment, please check that I don't die, thx), and then entered the bachelor-dome (he had nothing on his walls). She did not come during sex, but was very close by the end so she ground herself to orgasm on him. He thought it was hot (She still got it y'all!). She passed out on his mattress (not sure if it was on the floor or not, a box spring on the floor still counts as on the floor) and woke up at 3am and skedaddled. He gave her a nice enough send off and they've never spoken since.







Otherwise, it has been a rough year, lots of vibrator use.







Follow up from Maisie... Are you trying to set up some Covid dating?







She is going on some socially distant pandemic dates, but being very cautious. She is looking for someone essentially monogamous in these dangerous times.







Hannah















Her last time was with the Anime Guy she went on a date with, in her sister's condo!