I know you want to live with confidence as the sober, happy, best version of yourself. The problem is, relapsing leaves you anxious, confused and angry at yourself. Being an alcoholic was the best thing that ever happened to me because recovery made me grow up. I help others understand the steps and thoughts I practice to live a happy sober life through my podcast, coaching, and super supportive community.
Amy Dresner Rehab Confidential
Growing up in Beverly Hills, Amy Dresner had it all: a top-notch private school education, the most expensive summer camps, and even a weekly clothing allowance. But at 24, she started dabbling in meth in San Francisco and unleashed a fiendish addiction monster. Soon, if you could snort it, smoke it, or have sex with, she did.
I love this interview with Amy for so many reasons. She is so fun and crazy funny that it brought out a different side of me, too. I tend to be a serious person- this is very serious business, addiction and recovery- and I often forget to let people see the other sides of me.
From the moment Amy and I first spoke, we hit it off! We had a phone call the night before our interview in Los Angeles just to touch base and talk about the plan for the next day. Some people video their podcasts so I always get asked if there is going to be video etc…
We were on the phone for an hour!
We laughed and we connected on so many levels and I fell in love with her from that moment. We recorded in an office building and I feel certain the surrounding offices probably thought we were insane because we laughed so hard the whole time.
It was several weeks later when I edited the show to schedule it to go live, and I had the same experience all over again. Sometimes I wish you guys could hear the unedited versions of these episodes, lol, because they are really funny and we are much less polished than the finished versions!
I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I do. She is amazing and I am grateful I got to meet her and gain a new friend.
Original recording date: June 2018
The Fix: https://www.thefix.com/bio/amy-dresner
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Are You Being Private About Your Recovery or Keeping It A Secret?
I don’t want to be living a double life in my recovery like I was in my addiction.
I went out of my way to create this picture for the outside world, to hide what was really going on on the inside. And if that was my behavior when I was drinking, then I definitely don’t want to have the same behavior when I’m sober!
Being private is appropriate in a lot of situations. Especially when you are newly sober. You are just figuring it out, you are getting comfortable with a new lifestyle and a new identity as a non-drinking person.
It’s okay to be private and focus internally and share your details with a select few people who love and support you.
It’s being secretive that can be harmful. Because when you are hiding the details of yourself and your life, it’s because there is some shame around it.
We don’t want anyone to know who we really are and what we are dealing with because we fear they will think we are bad or weak- because on the inside that’s what we think about ourselves.
Been there, done that. And I'm not doing it again.
How do you start to make the shift and change your mindset? How do you start to feel better and stronger? This episode will give you some answers!
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Looking Back On The First Year Sober
The first months of sobriety are a roller coaster. In the beginning, you feel motivated, strong and confident- then, somewhere along the way, you begin to question if you can really do it, the committee starts telling you it's okay to drink again for a million reasons, you may feel bored, lonely, and restless.
I wish I could tell you there was a way around all of that, but there isn't. Life, in general, can be pretty uncomfortable. Jobs are uncomfortable, relationships are uncomfortable, raising kids is uncomfortable... and recovery is, too.
In the first year everything is new and there are a lot of 'firsts'. First sober birthday, first sober holiday season, first sober wedding, first sober vacation... everything is a new beginning and it takes some energy and effort to navigate through all the ups and downs while maintaining your sobriety and protecting it.
My first year was challenging in many ways because I had significant legal troubles looming over me and was facing a decent amount of jail time. But, my sobriety itself wasn't hard because I had friends and I had fun.
In this episode, we'll talk to Heather who had her rock bottom moment on a business trip. She was a high-functioning, executive, wife & mom, and it all came to a head in a split second when she had to make a choice to get herself together or sink into the drunken abyss.
She decided she couldn't take it anymore and asked for help.
She left her business trip, flew 3000 miles directly to treatment, leaving her husband, job, and kids, to get herself together and start a new life.
Earlier this year, Heather celebrated a year of sobriety and she talks to us about her journey of getting help and also about her transition home and back into regular life.
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Don't Mess Up Your Recovery
In the early days, getting sober feels like a full-time job. You have to think about it all the time, you have to do things to protect your sobriety, you have to have new boundaries with friends and family while you get things figured out, and you always have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you're going to screw it all up.
Recovery does take a lot of focus in the beginning because you are doing everything different. And instead of being scared of relapse, I want you to create a lifestyle that is easy, fun, and drama-free... that supports living alcohol-free. If you put the time in building the foundation you will have more freedom and comfort than you've ever known before.
I remember going through moments of feeling bored, wondering if this was all there was going to be to my life, was I just going to go to meetings and eat pizza with my friends forever? I felt restless and it was a danger zone for me.
Luckily, I stayed the course and trusted there would be something better if I was willing to stick with it. I knew boredom was more about me not finding things to do and restless was pretty typical for me. I wasn't used to doing things that didn't provide instant gratification.
What I have learned over these sober years is that foundation I was building was the most important element of my recovery. Building new friendships with people who accepted me in my new life, being honest about how challenging my problem really was, allowing others to guide me and show me the way to a lifestyle I had never had before. These are a few of the pillars that I have built my sobriety on and I want you to do the same.
At some point we all start to realize that quitting drinking isn't the hard part. The hard part is continuing to do it day after day.
With the right foundation, you can create a life like you've never known. Confident in yourself and your choices, loved and admired by friends and family, and able to feel genuine happiness without the help of a substance.
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Sex & Love Addiction with Brianne Davis
We talk about sex addiction, we talk about porn addiction, but how often do we talk about the love part? And how about when we confuse love and lust?
It may sound a little weird to talk about love 'addiction', but it's not that weird at all when you think about the unhealthy habits, unhealthy relationships we create, lack of boundaries, picking partners that are unavailable or not good for us. And most people can relate these common struggles.
I can mis-use dating just like I can mis-use anything else. It's about co-dependence, seeking validation and approval from others, flirting to fill a void or make yourself feel better, having an affair to quench the thirst from what is lacking in your relationship, texting someone to get attention because you are bored or lonely.
Most people can relate to these behaviors on some level... but when does it become a problem?
You may recognize Brianne Davis from many tv shows you've seen. She is an actor, director, and a person in recovery. She has stepped up and is speaking out about some of the issues no one wants to talk about and I am so grateful for her bravery.
We all struggle with relationship issues, it's time we do something about it.
SLAA Questionnaire: https://slaafws.org/download/core-files/The_40_Questions_of_SLAA.pdf
Find Brianne here:
Secret Life Podcast: https://secretlifepodcast.com/
INSTAGRAM - https://www.instagram.com/thebriannedavis/
FACEBOOK - http://www.Facebook.com/thebriannedavis
TWITTER - http://www.twitter.com/thebriannedavis
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Get your toolbox: https://www.myrecoverytoolbox.com
Grieving the Loss of Alcohol
Are you trying to get sober but feeling a sense of loss over losing alcohol? You are struggling to see your life without it, wondering what you will do and how you will spend your time- how will it effect your friendships and how will you ever have fun again?!?
Been there, done that.
When you give up the substance and move into recovery, you are going through a grief and mourning process. You are closing one chapter of your life and moving into a new one and there is a sense of loss that comes with that.
It is hard to leave something behind that has become so important to you. Something that you have relied on, that has been a steady and dependable sidekick. Right up until it turned on you and started creating problems.
There is nothing strange about grieving the loss of alcohol from your life or having fear about what your future will look like without it.
It is no different than a break up or a divorce. All of a sudden you are facing a new future that looks very different than you thought it was going to. There are all of these behaviors you are used to doing a certain way with your person that you now have to figure out a new way to do them without that person. Without calling that person or relying on that person. You can’t take them to the holidays with your family anymore, you aren’t going to go to certain places anymore because that’s where you always went together or that’s where all your ‘couples’ friends are and you aren’t a couple anymore.
So let’s talk about these stages of grief and how we can manage them and understand them as it relates to our lifestyle choices.
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
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