Betsy is a Trainer of NLP, author, and speaker. The Art of Living Big is a weekly podcast designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life, using brain science and the flow of spirit.
270: The Steps To Trust Yourself
In todays episode Betsy talks about how the trust in yourself may have eroded and the steps to take to begin to hear your inner voice and take action from that space.
Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So if you’re new here, my name is Betsy pake. I am an author, a speaker and I have a training program called The Alchemy Institute where I train NLP practitioners and Hypnotherapist. So if you’ve ever thought about becoming a coach, join me over there, we’re going to be opening the doors in the next couple of weeks. So really good stuff happening over there. Alright, so let’s dive into today’s show. I’m in the middle today of I’m going to give you a really amazing visual and I just want to apologize in advance. But if you’re listening to this on Thursday, I am getting a colonoscopy probably as we speak.
So today I am in colonoscopy prep, which means I have drank more liquids, I will be on clear liquids all day long. It’s fine. It’s kind of like a good little mental challenge, you know, but I’ve never, I have never been as hungry as I was this morning. Just because I knew I couldn’t eat. You know what I mean? I just was like, oh my god, I’m dying within like 15 minutes of being up and I was like, Ah, I can’t have my Cheerios, I’m gonna die. But I have walked to the grocery store this morning. And I have gotten all different kinds of clear liquids hot, clear liquids called clue I’m gonna make it like, I’m gonna make it fun. So, anyway, if colonoscopy has been on your list, if it’s been on your list, do it make the appointment, we could be on a regular rotation of having colonoscopies around the same time, if you schedule now,
every year, you could be reminded by me. So anyway, get your colonoscopy. And then I wanted to talk to you guys today about something that has been coming up for me quite a bit. And as I’ve spoken with other people over the last week or two, I realized that it’s something that I think is like an undercurrent for a lot of people. And so I was like, you know, I want to talk about that on today’s show.
And what that thing is, is this,
this feeling of, I need to make a decision.
But I’m fearful or I hesitate, or I put it off, or I procrastinate, because I’m not sure. And this might be like big decisions where you’re like, I have to make sure this is the right decision. You know, I talked last week about about raising my standards and about how I noticed I was having these things that were in my life that I was complaining about for years. But in order for those things to change, I had to make a decision. Right, a different decision had to make be made. And I had to raise my standards, but in that required really tough decisions.
And you may have that right now too, right? Where you’ve got things that you know, need to change. Maybe you’re maybe you’re not even aware of what those decisions are like, specifically, you just know, it’s gonna entail a bunch of big decisions. And honestly, like, that just feels overwhelming. You know, maybe it feels like right now, I can’t deal with that, too.
I think that what happens as time goes on, and time goes on. And this was the case for me was that in those specific areas, we start to doubt ourselves, there is a thing where we know what the decision is that needs to be made, we’re not really unsure. We’re just afraid to make it. We’re just afraid to make the decision. Deep down, we know that we know.
But to make that decision means that a lot of thi...
269: When change is on the horizon
Today on the show Betsy talks about when change is on the horizon and what to think about as things start to shift.
Hello fellow adventurers, I was trying to decide like, do I be like, Hey, I haven’t been here in a couple weeks, like, sort of like the friend that you’re texting is texting you back? Or do I just go dive right in to the story and pretend like nothing happened? I don’t know, I still haven’t decided. So I guess I’m just gonna do both. Hi, I’m happy to be here. It has been such a busy month, I will tell you that I have been really micromanaging my energy. About two months ago, I would say probably two months ago, I realized that I was complaining about the same things over and over again, do you have things like that, where you’re like, I’m complaining about the same things. And I have been complaining about these things. Like, for years, and there’s a reason why I’m not doing anything about it. in NLP, we call that secondary gain. There’s a reason there’s something I’m getting by not taking care of what it is that I don’t want in my life. And, you know, we see that lots of times, you know, with addicts, right, they don’t want to be an addict. But they’re getting something from it, even though it’s painful, and it hurts them and it hurts their family. And they are consciously aware of that. But there’s something else. And so, secondary gain is something we see obviously, on a much smaller scale, but there’s something that we get from the discontent. So a couple months ago, I was thinking about it, it was like, I have these few things that I’ve been complaining about literally for years. And, you know, I’ve talked about before. On the show, I’ve talked about how I use an app called day one, and it’s an app on my computer, and I journal in it every day. So I can’t go back. It’ll show me like on this day, five years ago on this day, and it was like the same things I was complaining about. And I was like why, like, it’s totally fine if I have those things. But if I’m not going to do anything about it, then I need to be okay with it. Right? Anytime we have an issue with something, or we’re upset about something, we have options, you know, we can do something about it, we can be content with it, or we can change it. So I started looking at those things. And I decided that in order to make those changes that I wanted to happen, I really needed to raise my standards, you know, standards for myself standards for people around me standards for what I tolerated. Right? In my own life. What was I tolerating, and I know I mentioned this before, but I literally think about it. Like, every day, I had a client that said I want to wake up every day and be stoked. And you know, at the time, she said it, I was like, Yeah, that’s good, that’s good. But then I kept thinking about it. And like, I not waking up stoked, and I get it that we have days that are bad days or days that are great days. But I was waking up with like this underlying like uneasiness. And I think that that happens a lot.
When we give a lot, I know for me, and I’m guessing for you, if you’re listening, that a lot of people come first, right? Like maybe your kids or your husband or people in your job, or whatever it is, a lot of that stuff comes first. And if we’re not careful, it crowds out the room, and the energy that we would have for ourselves. And that’s what was starting to happen to me. I realized that if I didn’t want to keep complaining about these things, and I wanted to wake up every day and feel really excited about my life, then my life couldn’t be the way that it was. And I couldn’t keep tolerating the things I was tolerating.
268: Closing Doors to Open Doors
Today Betsy talks about releasing smaller things to call in bigger things.
Hi, welcome to the show. If you’re new here, thanks for listening. I know there’s a lot of shows out there. And the last few shows I have not done like an introduction. Like I took the introduction out. I just wanted to dive in. Every time I just wanted to dive in. And I realized when I would listen to other podcasts, I would like Fast Forward past that part. But maybe the first time you listen, it’s important. I don’t know. Hi, I’m Betsy. I’m Betsy Pake. I’m a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. I’m a speaker. And most of all, I think I’m an ocean lover and a deep thinker. And I come on here. And I share some of my deep thoughts in hopes that it helps you expand what you think could be possible for your life. So I wasn’t here last week, I’ve missed a couple and I’m going through it, I’m going through it right now. There’s a lot happening and a lot happening that that I’m not going to share on today’s show, because I like to share it once I have the proper perspective on it. But there are pieces, there are pieces of lessons in it. And you know, I always share stories, because I think that our stories are all so similar. And I know this because when I share a story, I get messages from people that go oh my gosh, that. That’s me like that’s it, you know, that’s how that’s helpful for me to see it that way. And so today, I wanted to come in and talk today’s episode, I think will be called fat caterpillars. So I sent out a text this morning. If you’re not on my tax list, it’s free. If you want to text me if you’re in the United States, you can text me, the number is 770-343-3409. Here’s the thing, if you text the word, Oracle, on October 15, we’re going to pick somebody we’re going to do like a roulette wheel. So what it’s called the roulette wheel, like where you spin the Wheel of all the people that have texted the word Oracle and gotten on the text list to win my Oracle cards. So I created these expansion Oracle cards, this isn’t meant to be an ad, I just want to tell you that I have been texting for like a little over a year, I think. Anyway, in all of that. The texts that I sent, we made some really beautiful Oracle cards, there’s this artist that did this, like amazing ocean theme, beautiful, beautiful cards, you can see them on my website, but we’re gonna give some away, if you’re already on my text list, it doesn’t matter, just text me the word Oracle, and it will put you in the like, in the dumper for this for this wheel spinning the roulette wheel, or whatever you call it. So all of that to say, this morning, I sent out a text. And the text said to do bigger things. Sometimes we need to let go of smaller things. Really saying and molting and moving forward. Don’t miss the opening of something new. Because you have so much fear around the closing. I think that a lot of times we make decisions. I know for me, I make decisions based on fear of something that’s going to happen way out in the future or something that could happen or something that is unknown, instead of making a decision for what’s right now. And what we want and how we want to feel, I think. And I know for me that we will go through a lot, we will suffer a lot in the known because the fear of suffering in the unknown seems bigger somehow. So even if where we are isn’t good, we will stay there because it’s known. We’ll stay there because at least we know what we’re dealing with. You know, we’ll stay there because at least I know how to deal with this from a day to day basis. At least I know it’s not gonna at least I know it’s not ...
267: Keeping your eye on the prize
Today Betsy talks about keeping your focus even when it appears from the outside that everything is falling apart and inspires you to believe that if your dream is still alive, it can still come true.
Hello, today’s episode is called eye on the prize, how shifting your focus changes how you experience your environment. It’s really interesting because I have been sitting here for an hour, like sitting here for an hour, staring at the screen. Starting stopping, erasing, starting stopping erasing starting stuff we read, I think, maybe five times. Then I went and got an English muffin, got a Red Bull. And then I came back and I stared some more. And then I got on Instagram, you know what I’m talking about, you know, those days, right. But when I was journaling this morning, that was the title I on the prize, which I find hilarious, since I could not get my eye on the prize, which was actually recording this podcast, you know, usually what I do, is I get like an idea. And then I come in here, and then I start recording, and then I just shut my eyes. And then I just talk. And today is like really interesting day is a day of completion in a lot of ways. So today, my daughter is moving into the dorms at scad. I know and maybe you’ve been through that, or maybe you’re looking forward to that. Or maybe you’ve seen a lot of friends that are moving their kids into the dorms at whatever school they’re going to and I have to tell you that that it feels it feels so I’m gonna pause for a second. Unbelievable. It feels unbelievable. And here’s, here’s what I’m going to talk about. So you know, if you listen to I think was Episode 253, my daughter was on. So you may have heard her story, she wanted to come on and tell her story. She suffered with extreme anxiety and depression all through high school, junior high, it started high school, to the point where she couldn’t attend school. And we did a lot of things, you can listen to that episode and hear more about it. But ever since she was a little kid, like little kids, she loved to draw. And she was amazing. I remember like seven or eight years old, she would draw stuff and I would hang it in my office like in my cube when I worked. And people would ask me, oh, did your daughter color that. And I was like, it’s not a coloring page. She drew it. And then she colored it. And they would be like, what? And then like she was seven years old, you know, like little her whole life. She wanted to go to scad scad is the Savannah College of Art and Design. And we live in Atlanta. There’s an Atlanta campus, there’s a Savannah campus, and there is a campus in Paris. There used to be a campus in Hong Kong, but I think that one has closed. So her whole life, that’s what she wanted. And then when she got sick, you know, I felt like that dream. I mean, she had no dreams, you know, everything fell to the side and all the things that had been important to her no longer work during that period of time. And she stopped drawing. I remember that was one of the things that made me feel the most sad. She used to draw, and then she would think they weren’t good enough. And so she would crumple them up and put them in the garbage. And I used to put it on Facebook that they were like, garbage art. The garbage art was amazing. It’s incredible. I still have a lot of it. But people would be like,
Oh my god, she threw that in the garbage.
But she was always wanting to learn and get better and so nothing else seemed good enough. I remember at Christmas time it was like she would get so many gift cards to Blix, which is on the Savannah campus. It’s like amazing art store like with I mean it’s huge, you know,
266: When there’s a lot of life happening
In this episode, Betsy talks about when there is a lot happening in life all at once and 4 things you can do to help shift your experience of it.
welcome to today’s show. Today’s show is titled, there’s a lot of life happening.
there is a lot of life happening. You know, it’s funny. years ago, I remember I don’t know why I remember this, you know how sometimes you have like, weird memories where you’re like, I remember that so clearly. And it meant nothing. But I was driving with my daughter. And I was telling her about something that had happened at work. And she was young enough where she was like, Oh, no. And I said, Oh, no, it’s fine. It’s just life happening. And I remember that was like, one of the first times I started saying that, it’s just life happening. And here’s really what I mean by that. And you might just know what I mean by that. But sometimes, it’s not some big, terrible thing that’s happened. It’s just life. You know, it’s just like, the ups and downs of life that are happening. And sometimes it feels like there’s a lot of life happening, like just a lot of ups and downs, and ups and downs. And, like, sometimes it, it can be a little dizzy in. And the thing is, because it’s not some huge thing, although I do have one huge thing that happened, I’ll tell you. But because it’s a bunch of little things, it’s not like a big enough thing where you can say, like, I got to check out for a minute, because I have all these little things happening, like just doesn’t make sense. You know, sometimes I think when big things happen, it gives you a chance to like, pause, you know, pause your life for just a minute, even though you have to focus on the big thing that’s happening, it does give you a chance to like, catch your breath, and all the other places.
But when you just have a lot of life happening, it’s just a lot of life happening. It’s decisions and changes and new things and good things and bad things and uneasy things all happening all at one time. And that’s how I feel like the last couple of weeks have been. And in the end, it’s really, really, really good. You know, I’ve said this so many times before, but I know that we have come here to have this physical experience in order to have the ups and downs that I think we come here to have life happening. And then when life happens, we’re like,
oh my god, I
need a map and a massage. So there’s been a lot of life happening. And so I want to share with you a couple things that I do when life’s happening. I will say, over the last couple of weeks, it’s been a little bit hectic. So life has been happening. But in the middle of all that I did have something big happen. And last week, I didn’t have the show. If you’re on my email list, then you got my email about that we had a family emergency last Monday, my in laws were in a really bad car accident. And we immediately you know, dropped everything and, and drove to North Carolina it’s about 10 hours from where we live, to be with them. And to you know, to be with my mother in law was in the hospital for a little over a week, she had several surgeries, and my father in law came home. But you know, we went to the emergency room in the middle of the night one night, like there’s just a lot of things that were happening,
my husband is still there. In fact, I have been home since Saturday,
265: Reflection, vision, and waffle fries
Today Betsy shares some lessons from her solo trip to AZ.
Hey, and welcome to today’s show. This episode is called reflection, vision and waffle fries. Okay, I just got back from my solo trip to Scottsdale, Arizona. If you listen to last week’s episode, I had planned a trip to take iosa. The trip in 10 changed. And I decided to go on a solo trip. So I was there for four days I left on Thursday came home on Sunday night late late. And it was an amazing trip. It was exactly what I needed. Have you ever had those things where you’re like, we’re like, this isn’t turning out the way that I wanted it to. And then at the end, you’re like, Whoa, that turned out better than I thought it would. So it was a really, really interesting trip, I want to tell you about it. I want to tell you about a few of the things that I became aware of that, maybe it would be helpful for you to become aware of to. So reflection vision and waffle fries. So let’s just start let’s just dive right in.
I had the intention of going and doing high wasco didn’t work out that way. And so before I left, I sat with myself and I asked like, what, what did I think I was going to get from that? What was it that I needed? From the iOS? SCA? What was it that what was the shifts that I was hoping for? What was the the insight that I wanted? Like how did I want to change who did I want to be when it was over. And by spending some time and really diving into what it was I really thought I realized that a lot of the things now, I will say if I did iOS get probably I would have gotten experiences and things and insights that I did not expect, right. But the things that I wrote down that I really wanted, I realized were things that I could get to on my own, you know, it was a level of clarity that I could actually reach on my own, I have a lot of tools, I can sit with myself, I can sit for extended periods of time with myself. And I can really get clear and there were a lot of things that are have been happening in my life that I didn’t really like. And I needed to to make some changes and to see things in a different way and to get clarity on what it was I really wanted. And so when I got there, I actually stayed in the way the resort if you’ve if you’ve ever heard I stayed at the Venetian if you’ve never ever been there, it’s very cool. They have like a big huge hotel, they have like these four pools that are all different levels with like beautiful cabanas, and it’s it’s really beautiful. There’s a huge golf course there and there’s lots of different restaurants. And then they also have a humungous spa that I think people come from all over, just go to the spa. And then they have like these little bungalow houses around the property. And that’s where I stayed. So I had my own outdoor little patio area and you know, room and a bathroom had a huge soaking tub. So I was able to like relax and take a bath and all of that felt really fun. So, so the the experience in itself was really beautiful. I joked inside the alchemy collective I was talking to people and I was like they calling me Mrs. Pake, which made me laugh, right. And so just a really unique experience. And so I had a lot of time to relax and to sit. And so reflection is really the main theme of the four days. And I know that, you know, I feel really lucky that I was able to go away and have a solo trip, right four days away is a real privilege. I didn’t get to go last year because the COVID the year before I went to the beach, and I did an episode on that. It was Episode 155. It was called lessons from the beach. And so being able to so I understand the value and I’ve experienced...