They say that all great stories can be boiled down into just five words. Who are they? They are Sean Patton and Caitlin Cook, hosts of the podcast 5 Words. And obviously, they are out of their minds. Each week your hosts challenge their guests to tell a story in just five words, and from which, ridiculicity ensues. Is ridiculicity a word? It is now, and it would be one of the many words we’d use to describe 5 Words with Sean Patton & Caitlin Cook.
73 - Sam Tallent
Good day, dear legends! We’re sure many of you have thought, “This podcast is not only great, but also really appreciates the art of storytelling. I wonder when they’ll have another published author as a guest…” And the answer to that is RIGHT NOW! This week’s guest is the spectacular Sam Tallent. Sam is not only a force of nature onstage, he is also the author of the novel Running the Light. It is an awe-inspiring piece of literary masterwork. Here’s what Doug Stanhope, the jedi road warrior himself, has to say about it: “had to stop so many times to read passages aloud to people that I feel like I'm doing the Audible version. Brilliant writing. Astounding.” It’s amazing from start to finish, and you can buy it at www.samtallent.com (do this instead of going to Amazonk, this way Sam makes more money and Jeff Bezos makes less).
You know what else is also great from start to finish? This episode! Give it a listen! Here are five words to describe it: your mom can throw hands.
72 - Laura Sogar
Hello there, Legends, let’s dive right on in! This week our guest has achieved a feat very few people have, and pretty much no other comedian has: she swam on the US National Swim Team. Twice. And now she’s a comedian living in NYC! It’s Laura Sogar! We talk all about her swimming career—which spanned 20 years—how she once trained with Michael Phelps, how Baywatch would’ve played out were it set in Rhode Island, and the most harsh “Welcome to New York!” moment of her life. Here are five words to sum up this episode: don’t cut off your ponytail.
71 - Mike Rowland
Howdy Legends! Good on you for tuning in this week as we get down ’n dirty with Atlanta boy, Mike Rowland. He’s an up-and-coming comedian here in NYC. You’ve seen him several times on Comedy Central’s This Week at The Comedy Cellar. We talk about the insanity of your average sports fan, being a belligerent dipshit in front of your comedy heroes, and why Moe’s just isn’t as good as Chipotle. Here are five words to sum up this episode: pine needles equal ass whoopings.
70 - Emma Willmann
Goodness gracious are you legends in for a good one this week! Our guest is none other than Emma Willmann. You’ve seen her on Netflix’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and from her multiple stand-up appearances on TV. A native of Maine, we waste no time in getting right to it, discussing everything from voting for the first wrong candidate to which former president would be the best stand-up to “fuck health” parties. Here are five words to sum up this ep: don’t eat the street salt.
69 - Shane Torres Returns
Welcome back legends! This week’s guest is a grand slam: (1) He’s tremendous, (2) he’s our first live guest in six months, and (3) he’s our first repeat guest! It’s Shane Torres! From 64 episodes ago! He’s been on the road with Bert Kreisher; he’s been on Conan, Comedy Central, and Netflix; and he will be on the upcoming hit series (along with Sean) This Joka on Quibi. We have a great conversation, where we discuss Shane’s hatred of The Irishman and how much of a rapscallion he was in his younger years. Here are five words to describe this ep: fire escapes can’t be fat.
68 - Pete Lee
Welcome back legends! Yes, we did take a week off (due to technical difficulties) but we are back with a vengeance, and by vengeance, I mean this week’s guest Pete Lee! (His nickname was “vengeance” in the boy scouts). Pete’s a wonderful comedian who’s been all over the TV, Comedy Central, The Tonight Show, Pornhub, as well as having his own podcast Snugglestorm.
Here are five words to sum up this episode: just do the right thing.