Church Disrupted Jeff Cochran

In this episode of the Church Disrupted podcast, Jeff Cochran and Author Laura McKnight Barringer discuss spiritual abuse and toxic church cultures. She shares the moment that woke her up to the reality of spiritual abuse. They also explore the concept of 'tov' (goodness) in the church, the features of narcissistic pastors, and the characteristics of toxic Christian workplaces.

They address the reasons people stay silent in the face of abuse, the response of churches to accusations against pastors, and the danger of internal investigations. All of these issues and more should massively concern us, but could the answer to them be as simple as creating TOV cultures? Join us for this conversation to find out the answer.

Connect with Laura here: https://www.laurabarringer.net/

THANK YOU to our podcast partner, the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners.

Find out MORE about our podcast partners here: https://www.disrupted.church/sponsors.

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Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/.

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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Introduction
07:10 Recognizing Spiritual Abuse
13:18 Understanding Tov and a Culture of Tov
16:25 Features of Narcissistic Pastors
24:45 Early Warning Signs of a Toxic Culture
28:15 Reasons for Silence and Fear of Speaking Out
34:45 Responses to Accusations Against Pastors
39:37 Internal Investigations and Lack of Independence
40:23 The Need for External Investigation
41:30 The Role of Retainers in Perpetuating Abuse
43:29 The Unawareness of Spiritual Abusers
44:59 The Result of Abuse Regardless of Intent
48:37 The Sanitization of Truth in Church Systems
49:04 Forming a Truth-Telling Culture
53:57 The Attraction of Narcissistic Leaders to the Modern Church
58:56 The Lack of Accountability in Church Systems
01:02:48 Transforming Church Culture through Power
01:03:06 Creating Pockets of Tove
01:09:29 Advice for Senior Leaders in Creating a Tove Culture
01:14:34 Advice for General Church Staff in Creating Pockets of Tove
01:16:24 Advice for Parishioners in Creating a Healthy Church
01:18:10 Advice for Victims of Spiritual Abuse in Healing and Creating Safe Spaces

What does Narcissism look like when it puts on church clothes?! Narcissism and its effects are common in churches today, but the church is often the last place we would expect to find narcissistic people and behaviors.

Unfortunately, many modern church systems actually attract narcissistic leaders. But what does narcissism look like when it's in a church? How can we recognize spiritual narcissists and narcissistic systems? And when you recognize it, what should you do?

We are joined in this episode of the Church Disrupted Podcast by Chelsey Brooke Cole, best-selling author of the book "If I'd Only Known" and narcissism expert. She and Jeff tackle these questions and more as they take a deep look at narcissism in churches and the devastating effects it can have on people.

Connect with Chelsey and learn more about her work here!
- https://www.instagram.com/chelseybrookecole/?hl=en
- https://www.chelseybrookecole.com/

Get Chelsey's book here: https://rb.gy/4bhk89

Check Out the Recent USA TODAY article Chelsey Contributed to here: https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/03/21/spiritual-narcissism-narcissists-at-church-yoga-class/73047346007/

THANK YOU to our podcast partner, the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners.

Find out MORE about our podcast partners here: https://www.disrupted.church/sponsors.

Want to support Church Disrupted financially?
https://www.disrupted.church/give

Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/.

Please Subscribe and Share!


TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Introduction and Background
01:24 Defining Narcissism and NPD
11:24 Narcissism in Spiritual Environments
16:28 Can Systems be Narcissistic?
25:36 Blame Shifting and Villainizing
28:49 Reframing the Problem
30:01 Narcissistic Systems in Church
32:20 Twisting Scripture
33:13 Exploiting Tithing
34:12 Disagreement in Narcissistic Systems
35:03 Understanding Healthy Relationships
37:11 Making Church Trauma-Informed
38:13 Accountability in Narcissistic Systems
39:12 Moving On Without Accountability
40:08 Making Church Safe for Victims
41:08 Supporting the Abuser vs. the Victim
43:10 Restoring Pastors and Accountability
45:07 Expecting Reality, Not Assuming the Worst
46:17 Narcissists' Manipulation Tactics
48:16 Restoration and Accountability
49:05 Manipulating the Perception of Change
50:15 Expecting Accountability, Not Assuming the Worst
53:17 Toxic People and Healthy Boundaries
59:23 Narcissists' Reaction to Boundaries
01:00:37 Importance of Boundaries and Self-Care
01:01:06 The Importance of Setting Boundaries
01:02:03 The Charismatic Nature of Narcissists
01:03:00 Gaslighting and the Desire for Control
01:04:20 The Manipulation of Loyalty
01:06:46 Protecting Yourself Against Narcissism
01:07:18 Overcoming Guilt and Shame
01:08:30 The Importance of Documentation
01:14:39 Feeling and Processing Pain
01:24:30 Untangling the Narcissist's Voice

Spiritual abuse is always heartbreaking, but what happens when you experience it at home and church? In this episode of the Church Disrupted Podcast, Joyce Hindle joins the conversation to share her story of overcoming spiritual abuse. Joyce was a pastor's wife and experienced both sides of religious trauma. From her story, we can learn a lot about how to recognize spiritual abuse, how to heal from it, and how to overcome it and thrive. If you have experienced religious trauma, we believe this conversation will be helpful and an encouraging reminder that you can heal over time.

Connect with Joyce and learn more about her work here!
- https://www.joycehindlecoaching.com/

THANK YOU to our podcast partner, The Forgiveness Link!!! Schedule your free consultation with Rob here and let him know we sent you to get a special Church Disrupted rate! https://theforgivenesslink.com/churchdisruptedcommunity

ANOTHER BIG THANK YOU to the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners.

Find out MORE about our podcast partners here: https://www.disrupted.church/sponsors.

Want to support Church Disrupted financially?
https://www.disrupted.church/give

Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/.

Please Subscribe and Share!

In this episode of the Church Disrupted Podcast, Jeff Cochran interviews Chris Ayoub and Nathan Apffel, the creators of the documentary 'The Religion Business.' They discuss the purpose of the documentary, which explores the business side of religion, particularly Christianity. The conversation delves into the financial numbers of nonprofits, including the staggering $890 billion that comes into the Christian Church annually. They also highlight the misalignment and growth of nonprofits, as well as the challenges of transparency and accountability. The episode concludes with a discussion on the 6% of funds that actually leave churches to make an impact in the world. This conversation discusses the lack of accountability and transparency in churches, the use of non-profits to avoid financial reporting, and the issue of ecclesiastical theft.

Overall, it calls for a change in church systems to prioritize accountability and the true mission of the church. We also address the decline of denominations and the opportunity for the church to redirect its focus back to its purpose. Accountability, transparency, and individual action will be needed to bring about positive change!

Learn more about The Religion Business here!
- https://www.thereligionbusiness.com/
- https://www.instagram.com/religionbusiness/

THANK YOU to our podcast partner, The Forgiveness Link!!! Schedule your free consultation with Rob here and let him know we sent you to get a special Church Disrupted rate! https://theforgivenesslink.com/churchdisruptedcommunity

ANOTHER BIG THANK YOU to the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners.

Find out MORE about our podcast partners here: https://www.disrupted.church/sponsors.

Want to support Church Disrupted financially?
https://www.disrupted.church/give

Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/.

Please Subscribe and Share!

We get A LOT of flack from Christians and church leaders for talking about spiritual abuse. People would often rather us talk about good things going on in the church. They want us to stick to the gospel. Why?

Because talking about church hurt and spiritual abuse is uncomfortable! But if we don't have these important conversations in the Church, then the abuse, scandals, and cover-ups will continue. If we don't talk about these things, people will continue getting hurt. And if we stay silent about the spiritual abuse we see, then we become complicit in it.

We don't talk about spiritual abuse and toxic church systems because we WANT to, we do it because we HAVE TO!!! In this special holy week episode of the Church Disrupted Podcast, Jeff Cochran, Vicki May, and Abby Flemming discuss what's really at stake with these conversations.

THANK YOU to our podcast partner, The Forgiveness Link!!! Schedule your free consultation with Rob here and let him know we sent you to get a special Church Disrupted rate! https://theforgivenesslink.com/churchdisruptedcommunity

ANOTHER BIG THANK YOU to the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners.

Find out MORE about our podcast partners here: https://www.disrupted.church/sponsors.

Want to support Church Disrupted financially?
https://www.disrupted.church/give

Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/.

Please Subscribe and Share!

It seems we hear of another millenial or Gen Z pastor leaving the mega church or leaving ministry in general every day. But WHY are they walking away? Often, it's because they have become disenfranchised and disillusioned after being in the system and seeing how the sausage gets made. Simply put, a lot of Christians are looking for something more, something better, something different than what the modern mega-church system offers. They know something is wrong, but they aren't sure what right looks like. And it leaves people loving Jesus, yet feeling a bit lost.

In this episode of the Church Disrupted podcast, Dave Scribani joins Jeff Cochran to talk about why he left the mega church system, his struggle to re-engage with the church, and the beauty he has found on the other side. Full of hope and love for Jesus, Dave leaves listeners with new thoughts about what the Church could be if we anchored the future in a more ancient way of community and pursuing God.

This conversation is a MUST See!

THANK YOU to our podcast partner, The Forgiveness Link!!! Schedule your free consultation with Rob here and let him know we sent you to get a special Church Disrupted rate! https://theforgivenesslink.com/churchdisruptedcommunity

ANOTHER BIG THANK YOU to the East TN Mentorship Association! Find out more information about what they do or connect with them at https://earnyoursanctuary.com/ . TELL THEM WE SENT YOU for a special rate that is ONLY for Church Disrupted Podcast listeners.

Find out MORE about our podcast partners here: https://www.disrupted.church/sponsors.

Want to support Church Disrupted financially?
https://www.disrupted.church/give

Find out more about the Church Disrupted Podcast at https://www.disrupted.church/.

Please Subscribe and Share!