Deconstructing Gaslighting‪™‬ Sarah Morales

Do you remember what your dreams were when you were a kid… or maybe when you were a teenager. How about as you entered into your mid-twenties? Were you encouraged to dream, or told dreaming was foolish or a waste of time?
And here’s the big one: were your dreams crushed by betrayal and/or gaslighting? Any number of these things can disconnect us from this thing I believe all humans have initially – the ability to dream audaciously. So today, my guest and I are going to have a chat to connect the dots of what causes this, and how we can begin to dream again – no matter the reason that was taken from you.
 
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and if you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I’m launching, conferences I’ll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website: deconstructinggaslighting.com
 
My guest today is my very good friend and amazing colleague, Rae Gaelyn Emerson of healing talks back.
Story Time: Sarah and Rae geek out over the intersection of dreams and values. Their discussion leads them to a variety of connecting points, with all roads leading back to how brave it is to continue to dream after betrayal/trauma.
 
Top Take-Aways: How can we be audacious dreamers?
Balance safety with audacityPlay – you don’t have to take action... yet or ever. Self-talk: “I am worthy of having beautiful dreams and seeing them come true.”Self-talk: “I give myself permission to dream. It is an important part of being human.”
If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website, and Rae's website. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into Radical self-love.

Follow me and Rae on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and Tiktok. Rae is on Facebook.
 
Thank you for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. 
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
 

Have you seen those social media posts that go something like this – and I quote: “After all that she gave him, imagine what she’ll be able to give to the next person…” and then it says, “Not a thing, because he broke her.” I HATE that picture. That belief that somehow, because of the trauma that I or my clients have been through, we’re somehow now “damaged goods”; as if what we went through is now our identity instead of a chapter (or a few chapters) in our life.
This month the theme of my podcast episodes is self-worth, and I can’t imagine a better place to start than tackling this nonsense with a lens on gaslighting.  
 
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me!
 
My guest today is Phoenix Gould.
Story Time: Sarah and Phoenix talk about Phoenix's experience growing up with a Narcissistic mother, how that caused her to have a core of, "I'm broken", and the journey of healing. Along the way, they both discuss the common obstacles to overcoming this belief, and things both they and their clients find helpful in living from a place of wholeness.

Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min)
Phoenix's guided mediation: Free Radical Self-Love PracticeDo Kintsugi as an embodiment experience!Find/create a mantra that connects you to what your authentic/higher/wiser self would say about you.

If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love.

As always, I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Facebook and Instagram the most, but I do have videos on TikTok, too.
You can find Phoenix on Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube. She also has a Facebook Group for Women, and a Free Coffee Chat with Phoenix!

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful, and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can

Have you ever had that little nudge – you know, the one that tells you something isn’t right. Or the one that alerts you to some bad energy from the guy over in the produce section? And how many times did you talk yourself out of listening to that little nudge? Why do we do that? Well, today my guest and I are going to talk about the ways we do this, the reasons WHY we do this (ahem, self-gaslighting anyone?), and how we can begin to trust our gut again. All month long we’ve been talking about self-gaslighting, and y’all, I’ve saved the best for last. I fully believe you’re going to LOVE every minute of our conversation!
 
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
 
Bio: My guest today is Alana Gordon, co-owner and founder of Choose Recovery Services.
Story Time: Sarah and Alana talk about everything from the neurobiology of our "gut", to personal storied of how they didn't listen to their gut, to how they've learned to pay attention to their gut/body/feelings/intuition.
 
Top Take-Aways:
Listen to your body - slow down and pay attention to both physical and emotional sensations. The warehouse analogy: make sure you're moving things through via writing it out or talking it out. Practice listening to your gut/body to develop those "trust" neuropathways.Give words to your physical sensations. Look for where the incongruence is between your head/heart/gut/body, and ask yourself, "why" (while making sure you're safe). Ask yourself what YOU can do to bring yourself back into congruence.
I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to trust your own intuition and so much more, check out my and Alana’s websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into a place of self-knowing and self-trust.

I encourage you to follow me and Alana on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook and Instagram. Alana is on Instagram and TikTok.
 
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

As a child in the 80’s, I remember being at the skating rink and playing Limbo on skates. Yep, I was that kid. LOL The song, “Limbo rock” would start, and EVERYONE knew it was time… every limbo boy and girl all around the limbo world… la la la la la la la… limbo lower now… limbo lower now … how low can you go? And the competition would begin to see who would get the bragging rights of being the one who could go the lowest (spoiler – it was never me lol).
I don’t remember how long ago it was that I’d heard enough of my clients making concessions and realizing just how low their relationship bar had been lowered, but one day it hit me – it’s like we’ve unknowingly been playing limbo in our relationships – lowering and lowering our bar in an attempt to not end the game (so to speak).
So today I’m going to share just a little bit about how concessions are a HUGE part of the
experience of self-gaslighting.

I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.

Story Time: Sarah explains how making concessions is often where we end up after living in the land of shoulds. She gives definitions and real-life examples to show how we do this all. the. time!

Top Take-Aways:
Recognize that making concessions is not only self-gaslighting, it’s self-abandonment. Create a mantra for yourself that is something like, “I do not abandon myself to make others happy”. Pay attention to any time you say, “maybe I...”, or “at least they…” and ask yourself, am I making a concession here?Remind yourself that relationships are not a game of limbo. If you are basically seeing yourself in "how low can you go" mode, give yourself permission to stop and begin doing the work of shoring up your boundaries and raising your bar!

I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m most active on Facebook and Instagram.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode.  If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. 
And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

Do you “should all over yourself”? I remember one of the first times my wise mama said something to that effect. “I try not to should all over myself.” It wasn’t until quite a few years later that I connected the dots to that saying and self-gaslighting. Here’s the thing though, while I try to avoid using the word, “should”. It’s not ALWAYS self-gaslighting. So, when IS it self-gaslighting and when isn’t it?  
In today’s episode, I’m going to get into the nitty gritty of self-gaslighting and the should, and help you spot the signs of this experience.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
 
Story Time: Sarah revisits her definition of GASLIGHTING, the definition of should, and shares a funny analogy about donuts to explain the difference between when should is and is not self-gaslighting.

Top Take-Aways:
Try to remove the words should/shouldn’t from your vocabulary. Try this instead: "Because I value my health, I’m choosing to not get that donut, even though I want it."When you do say “should”, ask yourself where that judgement/sense of obligation is coming from, and ask yourself, "what are MY authentic thoughts/beliefs/feelings about this?"When in doubt, look to your values. For example, “I should be grateful”. Do I value gratitude? Yes. Do I give it unconditionally? No. I am not grateful for poor treatment, even if the other person expects me to be. I am not grateful for gifts with strings attached, etc. YOU DEFINE YOU and how you live out your values.
 
I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.
I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.

What comes to mind for you when I say the words, “Self-Gaslighting”? For some of us, we automatically resonate, and know that we have, indeed, done this to ourselves. For others, the old definition of gaslighting we may know brings resistance, as we can’t help but hear some sort of victim blaming. In my practice, the MOST powerful transformations have happened when people have understood the way we “self-gaslight”, have broken the power those messages had over them, and rewrote the narrative. This topic of self-gaslighting is so important, I’m dedicating the whole month of May to it. I’m calling this living in the land of shoulds.
In today’s episode, I’m going to explain just what self-gaslighting is, and the two main ways it happens.
I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website.
 
Story Time: Sarah talks about the main principles of self-gaslighting - giving examples of direct and indirect origins, and how (and why) those messages get internalized/become self-directed gaslighting messages.
 
Top Take-Aways:
Get curious about statements that drive you, but don’t come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself – statements like, “I’m not enough” or “I’m too much”. Ask yourself, “If I could hear what my authentic self would say to me about this belief, what would they say?”Get curious about the origins of any of these statements. Did someone say something to you directly that you internalized? Did you extrapolate meaning from your surroundings?Make a pledge to yourself to do your best to not be “self-directing” with any gaslighting statements.

I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships.

I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok.

And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.