Fire the Canon Rachel, Jackie, Bekah

Join us as we delve into the life of Virginia Woolf, a woman who was many things, chiefly among them a writer! Despite Jackie promising to make this the most depressing author bio episode of all time, Rachel and Bekah refuse to let it happen. There's a lot of laughter, but also some almost-tears, and some hard topics, but it's worth it. Rachel reveals the third, heretofore unknown Charlie and the Chocolate Factory sequel. Bekah thinks Modernism was a mistake. Jackie horrifies the others with her puppet-like countenance.
Topics include: Firehouse Subs, Jesus, German vermin, big heads vs grape heads, building a time machine to go kill two dudes. breaking down Victorian social norms with a single word, the parable of the Fig Man, inexplicable group chat names, recurring sausage dreams, sister-to-sister matchups, and ceremonial lashings of buttocks.
Content warnings: child abuse, sexual abuse, mental illness, suicide, racism, antisemitism, and about every -ism you can imagine 


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Stop! We see your eyeballs getting ready to dart away to something more fun. Dart 'em back here. This is the most fun you'll have hearing about race and racism since... ever, maybe! We know the bar is low, but still. Listen along to the original opening to our first Charlie and the Chocolate Factory episode, which immediately derailed into racial topics thanks to Ol' Roodle Doodle's antics, and then was cut out and made into its own episode. 
Jackie says something the other two consider truly wild, accidentally kicking the whole thing off. Rachel suggests we come up with a new word to describe a racist, because 'racist' has a lot of baggage. Bekah wants you to go get one of two doctors, but there's only one noticeable difference between them and everyone must pretend not to notice it. The ensuing dilemma is fun for the whole family! To hear the whole conversation and support our podcast, sign up to be a patron at Patreon.com/firethecanon.


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The gang finishes out the tale of ol' C-Bucks and the maniacal chocolate man in spectacular fashion - late, but not that late! Thanks for the endless patience of our many adoring fans. We would never turn you into marshmallows, even if that tube DID go to the marshmallow room.
Jackie fucks up her audio, but doesn't know it yet (don't worry, she fixes it in post). Rachel flexes secret first-edition knowledge. Bekah is really good at pogo sticking. 
Topics include: dating as a one-inch tall woman, grad school application mistakes, CV tips from Jackie, square treats that look round, High School Musical, cockroach longevity, the rhinoceros at the end of the stampede in Jumanji, Emphysema Salt, wart puns, Oompa Loompa race wars, Everybody Hates Mike Teevee, the horror of Frontier Airlines*, finger-toes, and hiring a starving child to run a global corporation. 
*not a sponsor


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Quick! What has 14 legs, one bed, and half a potato? Why, the Bucket family, of course! 
Join the gang as we cover the first half of Roodle Doodle's classic, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You all know how the story goes, but you haven't heard it told by us. Rachel doxxes herself. Bekah learns about the Wonka-related scandal of the year. Jackie has never even once thought about smothering grandma Josephine with a pillow. 
Topics include: freakish fertility, doppelgängers, girlfriends who are worms, boyfriends who have skeletons in them, ontological incorrectness, universally detested children, masseter Botox, cabbage soup, Scotland's Wonka Experience, the Unknown, a secret hoard of one coin, naked cat vibes, backhanded compliment-insults, and issuing rebukes in a flutelike voice.


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She's back! University of Chicago professor, historian, and award-winning novelist Ada Palmer joins Rachel and Jackie for a conversation about the life and times of Niccolo Machiavelli, a fascinating guy who lived through fascinating times. Learn all about how his name gets an undeservedly bad rap, the trials and tribulations that led to the writing of The Prince, and why the Renaissance was a terrible time to live through but which ultimately gave us everything important in the modern world. 
Check out www.adapalmer.com for more information on her research, novels, and more!


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Happy March, everyone! For our Patreon bonus, we thought we'd try something new: The Reading Corner! Jackie and Rachel have a friendly chit chat about whatever books we're currently reading. Maybe it will become a recurring feature? It all depends on what you like, and what Jackie likes. It doesn't matter at all what Rachel likes. 
For the full episode and all our other bonuses, go to patreon.com/firethecanon and join the fam! 


★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★