IMbetween Podcast on Marriage, Parenting, Faith, and Everything In Between Daniel Im and Christina Im

Daniel and Christina discuss the intricacies of marriage with Brian and Jen Goins and how marriage is like a living art form that demands creativity, evolves, and requires a blending of different perspectives and experiences. The episode highlights the re-release of "The Art of Marriage" series, which encourages couples to engage in open dialogue about love, intimacy, and the divine representation of God's love in marriage.

In This Episode, You'll Hear About:

Marriage as an art and the re-release of "The Art of Marriage" series

The intention behind the creation of marriage and its purpose as a representation of God's love

Importance of love, forgiveness, and intimacy in marriage

Having healthy and transparent conversations about sensitive topics like sex and intimacy

The "Art of Marriage" program as a platform for couples to grow together

Stories of transformation and growth in marriages through the "Art of Marriage" program

Emphasizing the power of humility, learning, and actively working towards building a strong and healthy marriage


For the full show notes, including discussion prompts for you as a couple about this episode, go to IMbetween.org/episode183

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Ever caught yourself scrolling through your phone while your child's voice fades into the background? Yup! Us too. Let's face it, the era of smartphones has us all hooked. But did you know that this habit might be doing more harm than good to our kids? Distracted parenting isn't just about not hearing their stories—it's about the message we send about their value to us. In Episode 182, Daniel and Christina breakdown the costs of distracted parenting and discuss how we can respond to our children's bids for attention to foster intimacy and connection.

In This Episode, You'll Hear About The Following:

Distracted parenting and its impact on children

Importance of being present and engaged with children

Examples of distracted parenting scenarios

Emotional impact of distracted parenting on children

Responding to children's bids for attention and connection

Role of empathy in nurturing intimacy with children

Practical tips for parents to improve engagement with children

Creating undistracted time to fully engage with children

Modeling attentive behavior in interactions with others


Resources Mentioned In This Episode:

Episode 36: Netiquette: Teaching Our Kids Online Manners

Episode 62: Parenting In Our Digital Age


The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place by Andy Crouch



For the full show notes, including discussion prompts for you as a couple about this episode, go to IMbetween.org/episode182

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Daniel and Christina explore the nuances of apologizing in relationships by discussing the 5 Apology Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. They delve into the emotional depth of expressing regret, the challenge of accepting responsibility without excuses, the significance of making restitution to show sincerity, and the commitment required for planned change to rebuild trust. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, they underscore the importance of understanding and using these apology languages to foster forgiveness and reconciliation with the ones you love.

In This Episode, You'll Hear About The Following:

Importance of apologies in relationships

What "fake" apologies are and what to watch out for

The 5 Apology Languages: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, planned change, and requesting forgiveness

How forgiveness and trust are not to be equated

Ways to discover your apology language and the apology language of others


Resources Mentioned In This Episode:


The 5 Apology Languages: The Secret To Healthy Relationships by Dr. Gary Chapman


Why Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner

Listen to our previous episode about The 7 New Love Languages and 4 Steps To Get Your Love Language Heard


Do you need more help with learning to apologies? Listen to our previous episode: Do You Suck At Apologies? Here Are 4 Steps To Healing Hurts With Your



For the full show notes, including discussion prompts for you as a couple about this episode, go to IMbetween.org/episode181

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Daniel and Christina delve into the complexities of resolving conflicts in a marriage, particularly in the presence of children. They discuss the importance of empathy, active listening, and collaboration in handling disagreements, and share personal anecdotes and strategies for effective communication. They also talk about the impact of parental conflict resolution on children, emphasizing the need for transparency and the creation of a safe space for family discussions. The episode offers practical advice for couples to navigate marital conflicts constructively while fostering a positive environment for their kids.

In This Episode, You'll Hear About The Following:

Healthy conflict resolution within a marriage

Impact of conflict on children

Importance of active listening and empathy

Personal experiences and challenges in conflict resolution

Solutions-focused therapy techniques

Value of validating and empathizing with one's spouse

Developing empathy as a skill

Collaborative aspect of conflict resolution

Impact of healthy conflict resolution on children

Creating a safe environment for discussing conflicts with children


Timestamps:
Is it okay to fight in front of the kids? (00:00:01) Exploring the impact of parental conflict on children and the nuances of healthy conflict resolution within a marriage.
The generational effect of parental conflict (00:00:57) The impact of parental conflict on children's perceptions of relationships and the importance of modeling healthy conflict resolution.
The harmful effects of hostile conflicts (00:02:13) The negative impact of frequent hostile conflicts on children and the signs that a relationship needs help.
Gottman approach to conflict resolution (00:04:47) Understanding the concept of perpetual problems in relationships and the goal of regulating, rather than resolving, conflicts.
Listening and being heard (00:06:00) The importance of active listening and summarization in conflict resolution, fostering constructive dialogue and mutual understanding.
Empathy and perspective taking (00:13:33) The role of empathy in conflict resolution, its impact on emotional well-being, and fostering a deeper connection in relationships.
Empathy and perspective taking (00:18:39) The importance of empathy and perspective-taking in conflict resolution and share practical techniques for validation and understanding.
Collaborative conflict resolution (00:21:13) The significance of collaboration in conflict resolution, highlighting the need for mutual willingness to find sustainable solutions and the benefits of brainstorming together.
Transparency and family dynamics (00:25:40) The segment explores the educational value of children witnessing healthy conflict resolution, emphasizing the resilience of relationships and the importance of transparent communication within the family.
Repairing relationships (00:28:02) The importance of explicit communication and repair in the aftermath of conflicts, emphasizing the impact of parental transparency on children's understanding and emotional well-being.

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
Need to learn how to fight well? Listen to our previous episodes about conflict resolution.

A Conflict-Free Marriage Is Not The Goal

How To Fight With Your Spouse Without Ruining Your Marriage

How To Repair Your Relationship After A Big Fight


Enneagram and Communication Styles 

Resolving Conflict with the Enneagram

Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection by Drs John and Julie Gottman


For the full show notes, including discussion prompts for you as a couple about this episode, go to IMbetween.org/episode180

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Daniel and Christina discuss strategies for deepening love in your relationship. They explore how to address complaints constructively, repair conflicts, and avoid contempt. They also highlight the role of physical touch, expressing gratitude, and the power of forgiveness in strengthening marital bonds. The episode provides practical advice and personal insights for couples looking to enhance their relationship and foster a deeper connection.

In This Episode, You'll Hear About The Following:

Addressing complaints without blame in a marriage

Repairing conflicts and distinguishing between solvable and perpetual conflicts

Sticking to the issues during arguments and avoiding contemptuous behaviour

Understanding underlying emotions and addressing unmet needs in relationships

Extending the time between feeling, thinking, and speaking in a relationship

The significance of physical touch and the impact of oxytocin on reducing stress hormones

Growing fondness and admiration in a marriage through gratitude and appreciation

Seeking to understand before seeking to be understood and the role of forgiveness

Practicing apologizing and forgiving in a marriage


Timestamps:
Share your complaint without pointing fingers (00:07:41) Discussing the difference between sharing complaints and criticizing your spouse, emphasizing the importance of addressing specific issues.
Repair conflicts with skill (00:11:14) Exploring the concept of solvable and perpetual conflicts in relationships and the significance of addressing and bouncing back from disagreements.
Stick to talking about the issues at hand (00:12:37) Emphasizing the importance of avoiding name-calling, personal attacks, and contempt in arguments, and the need to understand underlying emotions.
The impact of contempt on relationships (00:15:07) Exploring the destructive nature of contempt in relationships, its role as a predictor of divorce, and the need to avoid displaying contemptuous behavior.
Recognizing and addressing signs of contempt (00:16:26) Discussing how contempt can develop over time in relationships and the importance of recognizing and addressing signs of contemptuous behavior.
Moving toward reconciliation and repairing (00:17:26) Highlighting the significance of acknowledging and apologizing for displaying contemptuous behavior and moving towards reconciliation and repairing the relationship.
Extending the space between feelings and thoughts (00:17:48) Discussing how to extend the time between feeling anger and reacting, to respond instead.
Showing love through physical touch (00:19:26) Exploring the benefits of physical touch in relationships and the impact of a six-second kiss.
Growing fondness and admiration (00:21:18) Encouraging the practice of expressing gratitude and appreciation for one's spouse's positive qualities.
Seeking first to understand and then to be understood (00:23:04) Emphasizing the importance of active listening and understanding in communication.
Practicing apologizing and forgiving (00:28:19) Discussing the significance of forgiveness and the process of seeking and granting forgiveness in relationships.
Conclusion and episode recap (00:31:56) Summarizing the six ways to deepen love in marriage and expressing gratitude to the audience.

Resources Mentioned In This Episode:
Learn the difference between perpetual and solvable conflicts and how to handle each of them: 

A Conflict-Free Marriage Is Not The Goal 

How To Fight With Your Spouse Without Ruining Your Marriage

How To Repair Your Relationship After A Big Fight


Learn about the importance of turning toward your spouse and responding to their "bids"

What 15 Years Of Marriage Has Taught Us

The 4 Keys To Long-Term Sexual Satisfaction


For the full show notes, including discussion prompts for you as a couple about this episode, go to IMbetween.org/episode179

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Jason VanRuler, a therapist and author, discusses the transformative power of facing one's past. He shares his personal journey from a troubled childhood to professional success, highlighting the importance of self-reflection and seeking help to overcome recurring life challenges. Daniel and Christina explore with Jason the various ways individuals can begin addressing their issues, whether through therapy, journaling, or simply talking to a trusted friend. Jason emphasizes that healing from the past involves changing our relationship with it, reducing its emotional intensity, and no longer allowing it to dictate our present and future.

In This Episode, You'll Hear About The Following:

Importance of confronting brokenness and the past

Impact of childhood experiences on adult behaviour

Promises individuals make to themselves that may keep them stuck

Jason's personal journey from a challenging environment to becoming a therapist and author

Why we need to address and change our relationship with the past

Paths forward for confronting brokenness, including seeking therapy, journaling, and talking to others

Importance of community and connection in the healing process

What it looks like to be healed from our past


Meet Jason VanRuler:
Jason began his career in 2011 and has worked with many populations over the years, ranging from persons who are incarcerated to top CEOs, performers and artists, and just about everyone in between. Jason has extensive experience as a clinician, coach, and speaker and operates a multistate private practice. In 2018, Jason joined Bethesda Workshops in Nashville, TN, where he serves as a group leader and facilitator. Jason is known for his ability to relate and connect with his clients and offer hope to those who have felt hopeless. He has an engaged and rapidly growing online audience for his insightful, short videos sharing practical tips for psychological care, self-help, and healthy relationships.
Jason enjoys spending time with his wife and three children playing games and traveling. In his spare time, Jason enjoys cycling, running, music, fly fishing, and all things personal development related.

For the full show notes, including discussion prompts for you as a couple about this episode, go to IMbetween.org/episode178

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