9 min
Parent Like You Mean It: These Aren’t the Kids You’re Looking For Parent Like You Mean It
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- Educazione dei figli
we should acknowledge them. When they fail, we should encourage them. When they are defiant, we should discipline and guide them. And when they are repentant, we must forgive them and always walk alongside them. But, meanwhile, the best thing we can do is to keep doing our best. Don’t put all the blame on yourself for their bad behavior, and hold them responsible for their own actions while always taking responsibility of your own in loving, raising and caring for them. Be open to the possibility that the weight just may be too heavy for your own shoulders and it may be time to bring in a relief pitcher (forgive me for mixing my metaphors), or a mentor for them - someone who you trust and your kid trusts who can guide them toward wisdom in your stead.
As a kid, I remember my mind being blown by this type of mind control. Whatever this thing called “The Force” was that Old Ben Kenobi had mastered, it had to be the coolest thing in the universe! As a kid, I dreamt up opportunities using The Force to get my way with the teachers: You don’t need to assign any homework today! Or my coaches: Jefferson should start every game despite the fact that he can’t hit a curveball! Just imagine the possibilities! Now, flashforward with me 38 years and several sequels later to the movie “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”. In the middle of the movie, I - now a full-fledged grown up geek with little Star Wars nerds of my own - witnessed not the wise Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, but a complete neophyte to The Force... someone who had hardly even heard the words “The Force” used together in a sentence… we saw Rey, who was being held captive say to a Stormtrooper:
“You will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open.. And you’ll drop your weapon.”
… and he did!!
Suddenly, the powerful, mind control power of the Force was little more than a cool parlor trick that nearly anyone can pull off. But again, I ask (and you are probably, as well): What does any of this have to do with raising kids today?
Well, fasten your seatbelts and prepare for light speed, because here we go: Too many parents today think that they can simply use The Force on their kids in order to instill a proper moral compass in them. They think that by waving a magic hand and saying the magic words, “You will make wise choices and put others’ needs before your own” that suddenly their kids’ minds will be transformed and we’d hear kids all over the world repeating their parents’ worldviews.
Now, I’m not addressing the parents who may slip into the bad habits of “do as I say, not as I do” parenting trap. I’m referring to the well-intentioned, model citizen parents who honestly believe that if they simply model a proper moral compass and speak into their kids’ lives age-old wisdom, this new generation will live lives full of mercy, justice and humility. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not endorsing anything that goes against this type of parenting. Shoot, if more parents modeled goodness and kindness every day to their kids, there’s no denying that this world would be a better place… or at the very least, the guy who cut me off in the parking lot the other night would have gone around, and maybe I wouldn’t have lost my temper in front of my minivan full of mini-me’s… but that’s for another episode. Anyway, here’s my point… The very, very, VERY hard truth is that we can’t “force” our worldview and moral compass into the hearts and minds of our kids. We can influence them. We can instruct them. We can model for them. We can discipline them. We can, and definitely should, do all of this. But, the decision to do the right thing is completely up to them. They are in control of their own integrity. They are the masters of their own purity. They hold the steering wheel of their lives and their cars...
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Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jefferson-d
we should acknowledge them. When they fail, we should encourage them. When they are defiant, we should discipline and guide them. And when they are repentant, we must forgive them and always walk alongside them. But, meanwhile, the best thing we can do is to keep doing our best. Don’t put all the blame on yourself for their bad behavior, and hold them responsible for their own actions while always taking responsibility of your own in loving, raising and caring for them. Be open to the possibility that the weight just may be too heavy for your own shoulders and it may be time to bring in a relief pitcher (forgive me for mixing my metaphors), or a mentor for them - someone who you trust and your kid trusts who can guide them toward wisdom in your stead.
As a kid, I remember my mind being blown by this type of mind control. Whatever this thing called “The Force” was that Old Ben Kenobi had mastered, it had to be the coolest thing in the universe! As a kid, I dreamt up opportunities using The Force to get my way with the teachers: You don’t need to assign any homework today! Or my coaches: Jefferson should start every game despite the fact that he can’t hit a curveball! Just imagine the possibilities! Now, flashforward with me 38 years and several sequels later to the movie “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”. In the middle of the movie, I - now a full-fledged grown up geek with little Star Wars nerds of my own - witnessed not the wise Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, but a complete neophyte to The Force... someone who had hardly even heard the words “The Force” used together in a sentence… we saw Rey, who was being held captive say to a Stormtrooper:
“You will remove these restraints and leave this cell with the door open.. And you’ll drop your weapon.”
… and he did!!
Suddenly, the powerful, mind control power of the Force was little more than a cool parlor trick that nearly anyone can pull off. But again, I ask (and you are probably, as well): What does any of this have to do with raising kids today?
Well, fasten your seatbelts and prepare for light speed, because here we go: Too many parents today think that they can simply use The Force on their kids in order to instill a proper moral compass in them. They think that by waving a magic hand and saying the magic words, “You will make wise choices and put others’ needs before your own” that suddenly their kids’ minds will be transformed and we’d hear kids all over the world repeating their parents’ worldviews.
Now, I’m not addressing the parents who may slip into the bad habits of “do as I say, not as I do” parenting trap. I’m referring to the well-intentioned, model citizen parents who honestly believe that if they simply model a proper moral compass and speak into their kids’ lives age-old wisdom, this new generation will live lives full of mercy, justice and humility. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not endorsing anything that goes against this type of parenting. Shoot, if more parents modeled goodness and kindness every day to their kids, there’s no denying that this world would be a better place… or at the very least, the guy who cut me off in the parking lot the other night would have gone around, and maybe I wouldn’t have lost my temper in front of my minivan full of mini-me’s… but that’s for another episode. Anyway, here’s my point… The very, very, VERY hard truth is that we can’t “force” our worldview and moral compass into the hearts and minds of our kids. We can influence them. We can instruct them. We can model for them. We can discipline them. We can, and definitely should, do all of this. But, the decision to do the right thing is completely up to them. They are in control of their own integrity. They are the masters of their own purity. They hold the steering wheel of their lives and their cars...
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Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jefferson-d
9 min