Rebelliously Tiny Ambivalently Yours

*Content Warning: Discussions of racism, colonialism, police brutality

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode: What brings you joy when you are fighting for social justice?

The goal of Rebelliously Tiny has always been to be a space for struggle and rebellion, and all of the related emotions, without the constraints of any narrative that tells us that strength and resistance is loud, harsh, masculine. The question of joy in the fight for social justice - as a reason to fight, as something sustaining, as an end goal - is important to us, and we thank everyone who submitted answers for us to feature in this episode when we posed the question on Instagram in August 2020.

This episode is a little different, and we’re really excited to share it with you, it is our first podcast takeover! With the fight for social justice, fuelled around the globe with outrage at killings by police this past summer, we considered how to connect with our community more and invite more voices to our little corner of the internet.

This episode takeover is hosted and written by Sunny Adcock (you may remember her from episode 12!) an avid reader, writer, editor and podcast host from Australia. To help answer our question, she invited her two friends Francoise Nestor and Binta Yade to discuss joy and “self care” as not only necessary, but also as real tools for sustained activism. Together Sunny, Francoise, and Binta explain how they advocate for themselves and their joy as young black women living in a patriarchal white supremacist society. How is self-preservation an act of political warfare, as Audre Lorde writes? How has self-care been co-opted by Capitalism? How do we maintain and support the joy in our collective rage?

References: A Burst of Light (1988) by Audre Lorde

Episode Host: Sunny Adcock
www.asunnyspot.com.au
IG: @sunny_adcock
TW: @A_SunnySpot
Podcast: @tenderragepodcast

Guests: Francoise Nestor / IG: @fran_d_n
Binta Yade / IG: @binta.fm

Hosted, written and co-edited by Sunny Adcock
Co-edited and co-produced by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Music: Greg Barkley

*Content Warning: Heartbreak

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I recently broke up with my ex and I've been trying to love myself, and I have no idea how to do that. I've placed so much of my value in other people's opinions of me, and what hurts the most is that he lied to me about so many things and didn't care all that much about me. I'm tired of feeling unlovable and unable to move past hurtful life experiences. Honestly, I just feel unworthy of love.

We’ve all been there. Going through heartbreak is hard. And we don’t just mean break ups with romantic partners. There is heartbreak, or at least difficult make-or-break-it moments, with friends and even family. But we learn, grow, and even hold on to love through these moments. What can these challenging emotional processes teach us about relationships and about ourselves? How are we influenced by norms of heteronormativity and patriarchy without even realizing it? Join AY and Gen for some advice on heartbreak including what books to read and what podcasts and music to listen to. Gen is the illustrator at Lovestruck Prints, she recently illustrated a book about love entitled: “C’est quoi l'amour?” written by Lucile de Pesloüan, and she used to share a studio with Ambivalently Yours. 

References: - Sonya Renee Taylor on IG @sonyareneetaylor and @thebodyisnotanapology - The episode "Freedom from the Prison of Limiting Beliefs” (September 25, 2020) on the Tara Brach podcast- All About Love: New Visions, by bell hooks- C’est quoi l’amour? written by Lucile de Pesloüan, illustrated by Geneviève Darling

A podcast by Ambivalently YoursCo-produced by Hannah McCaslandRecorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in MontrealTechnical support: Stéphane ClaudeMusic: Greg Barkley and Lizzy & the Fanatics

*Content Warning: this episode deals with anxiety and depression

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): "I have a great life with a supportive family and wonderful boyfriend. I do good in school and have a lot of friends, but I'm sad. Not all the time, but sometimes at night I just lay down and feel empty. I think it's partly because of my anxiety that keeps me constantly worried about my loved ones. I'm not depressed, just sad."

We are excited to share a new episode, featuring our conversation with Freya Bennett, an artist, the mother of a tiny feminist and the Co Founder and Director of Ramona Magazine for Girls. In this episode, we discuss the complexities of experiencing a full spectrum of emotions and feelings in a world complicated by social media, where we are constantly confronted with images and tales of seeming perfection, happiness, and “success”. This episode is about the feelings we hide, the feelings we don’t want to show to the world, the feelings we avoid if we can and the feelings we escape by scrolling on our phones. Freya and AY demonstrate resisting this urge to craft a persona of happiness and success and talk through some of these feelings openly and honestly together. They make some suggestions for how we can mindfully and healthfully experience and embrace these emotions without shame while resisting the pressure to make happiness the end-all-be-all-goal - there’s always going to be something more, and that’s okay.

To learn more about Ramona Magazine for Girls visit ramonamag.com or @ramonaforgirls on instagram. To see Freya’s illustration work visit www.thecinnamonsociety.com or @thecinnamonsociety on Instagram.

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

Content Warning: This week we discuss eating disorders, and while we tried our best to approach this topic as responsibly and thoughtfully as we can, it is still a potentially triggering episode.

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity):
I have been “mildly” anorexic for three years and “mildly” bulimic for a year, but I am now in the process of recovery. “Mildly” was part of the diagnosis, but I am not sure I agree with this term. I ate only enough to subsist on and my mind was consumed by food but I was still able to continue a relatively productive life. Not fitting into the image of the extreme anorexic meant that I did not think that my situation was severe enough to seek treatment. Not recognizing ambiguity (ambivalence!) failed me.

It’s not always realistic to expect ourselves to “love” our bodies all the time. And that’s okay. Instead of pressuring ourselves to “love” our bodies, we can learn to respect our bodies, and give thanks for all they do. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is constantly telling us that our bodies are something to be fixed and “worked on.” This week, we discuss our complicated relationships with our bodies, and how we can try to show more care for ourselves and each other.

Some helpful resources:
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Disordered-Eating
www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Body-Dysmorphia
nedic.ca/blog
everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/mythbusting-ed-recovery/
nedic.ca/give-get-help/help-friends-family

Commonly associated to EDs: www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Perfectionism

Set point theory: nedic.ca/set-point-what-your-body-trying-tell-you

About changes to your body during recovery (it won’t stay that way forever, I promise!): www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/hunger-artist/201402/recovering-anorexia-how-and-why-not-stop-halfway%3famp

Books:
“The Body Image Workbook: An Eight-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks”
by Thomas F. Cash PhD

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced, edited and narrated by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

*Content Warning: This episode deals with issues of colonialism, racism, and sexism

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): "I have lots of feminist feels. Mostly anger about the way that women are portrayed, street harassment, and representation of women in media and fashion. In this day and age I feel that, as a woman, not being skinny/not shaving your legs/not wanting babies is an act of RADICAL disobedience. I still feel pretty squeezed by narrow stereotypes, even though I'm almost 30. My question is: What does one actually DO with one's feelings of feminism? How do we speak out? How do we make change?"

It can be difficult to figure out how to channel our “feminist feelings.” How do we take our frustrations, sadness and concerns about white supremacist capitalist patriarchy and actually “do something?” How do we do this work in a world that is inhospitable to feminist activism? How do we take care of ourselves amidst the pressure to make change? This week, AY sits down with Cam, a street artist, community art organizer and curator based in Tiohtià:ke/Montreal to discuss art and activism. Cam shares some of her experiences and some helpful tips on how to find your crew - the people to do the work with. Learn more about Cam's work and her projects at @cam_mtl and @unceded_voices.

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley

*Content Warning: Discussions of ableism and sexism.

Here’s the question that inspired this week’s episode (the message has been slightly altered to preserve anonymity): I have been constantly judged my whole life because my legs are two different sizes. High school this year was a little bit better when I realized that why should I care what people think of me? I am my own person, I shouldn't be so fixated on the idea of perfection. Are you confident in your skin? Or do you secretly wish you were someone else?

This week, we are excited to share our conversation with Rebekah Taussig, a writer, teacher, advocate, and human lady person, as her website explains. AY and Rebekah first connected on Instagram, where Rebekah shares soft yet confrontational mini-memoirs about what it feels and looks like to live as a disabled woman. We skyped Rebekah from our makeshift apartment studio and after gushing about her amazing collection of floral dresses featured prominently on her Instagram feed, we addressed this week’s question by asking for her insights on disability, emotions and what it’s like to live in a world that is uncomfortable with both. Together, we talk about the strains of traditional femininity and remind ourselves of the importance of valuing our feelings and creating spaces that embrace vulnerability, messiness, and diverse bodies and identities. Above all, this episode is a celebration of how good it feels when you meet someone who just, you know, gets it.

You can find out more about Rebekah’s work at rebekahtaussig.com or @sitting_pretty on Instagram.

A podcast by Ambivalently Yours
Co-produced, edited and narrated by Hannah McCasland
Recorded at Oboro Artist-Run Center in Montreal
Technical support: Stéphane Claude
Music: Greg Barkley