Resentment-Free Relationships Becky Smith

Becky discusses the challenges of dealing with a partner's defensiveness during conflicts, particularly for those who often prioritize others' needs over their own. Click here for a safe space to talk. https://calendly.com/beckycoach/resentment-free-relationships

.00:00 Introduction to Navigating Partner Defensiveness

00:45 Lessons from Bear Lake

02:02 Understanding Partner Defensiveness and Conflict

03:01 Strategies for Managing Defensiveness and Conflict

05:33 Setting Boundaries and Self-Care During Conflict1

4:48 Conclusion and Invitation for Further Support


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This episode delves into the concept of personal authority Becky discusses the significance of reflecting on our responses, actions, and feelings to own our personal authority.

00:00 Introduction to the Podcast

00:04 Exploring Dog Training and Personal Growth

01:29 The Concept of Inner Authority

02:05 Applying Inner Authority in Personal Relationships

04:39 Empowering Yourself Through Inner Authority

06:23 Conclusion and Reflections


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In this episode, host Becky delves into the unique experience of re-listening to a book she had read years ago, 'What Alice Forgot' by Liane Moriarty.  Re-experiencing the book offered her new insights, emphasizing how different stages of life can alter one's interpretation of a story. The narrative of Alice, who forgets a decade of her life, serves as a foundation for Becky to explore the significance of perspective in shaping our understanding of ourselves and our relationships. She highlights the positive changes in Alice's interactions when she views her life through the lens of her younger self, noting the decrease in defensiveness and increase in empathy. Becky extends these fictional themes into real-life applications, suggesting introspective questions that encourage curiosity and empathy to improve personal relationships. The episode aims to inspire listeners to consider their past and future selves in navigating current challenges, promoting a mindset of growth and openness.



00:00 Welcome to the Podcast: A Rare Dive into Rereading

01:05 Rediscovering 'What Alice Forgot': A Journey of Perspective

02:11 Exploring the Impact of Perspective Through Alice's Story

03:18 The Power of Perspective: Lessons from Alice's Experience

05:43 Applying Fictional Insights to Real-Life Relationships

08:23 Practical Steps to Embrace Curiosity and Reduce Defensiveness

09:38 Final Thoughts and Encouragement to Explore New Perspectives


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Becky delves into the concept of 'hidden dreams' within relationships, drawing on insights from John and Julie Gottman's work on healthy conflict. Becky highlights how perpetual arguments often mask deeper, unexpressed desires and values. Through the lens of the Gottmans' personal experience and a detailed example of their methodology, she illustrates the transformative potential of uncovering and empathizing with these hidden dreams for resolving conflicts. The episode emphasizes the significance of thoughtful questioning in revealing underlying aspirations and acknowledges that, although not all conflicts are solvable, their manageability improves with mutual understanding and empathy. Becky encourages listeners to embrace the role of a 'dream catcher' in their own relationships and shares avenues for feedback and further discussion on this vital topic.

00:00 Welcome to the Healthy Conflict Series: Unveiling Hidden Dreams

00:21 Understanding Perpetual Arguments in Relationships

01:32 The Gottmans' Discovery: The Technique of Hidden Dreams

01:56 The Iceberg of Conflict: Uncovering Hidden Dreams and Values

02:58 Judging Desires: The Pitfall of Value Judgments in Relationships

03:57 A Real-Life Example: The Gottmans' Cabin Conflict

05:29 The Power of Understanding and Dialogue

08:33 Practical Steps: Questions to Uncover Hidden Dreams

10:30 The Unsolvable Nature of Some Conflicts and the Value of Empathy

11:24 Applying the Dream Catcher Technique in Your Life1

2:28 Conclusion and Invitation to Share Your Experiences

https://calendly.com/beckycoach/resentment-free-relationships




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In Becky's 200th podcast episode, she talks about handling conflicts well. She starts where the last episode ended and talks about the third step: calming yourself and the other person down during arguments by taking breaks or doing calming activities like breathing exercises. Then, she talks about the fourth step: compromising, which she says isn't a bad thing but should be done in a fair way that respects everyone's views. She shares a personal story about resolving a conflict. The fifth step is about dealing with the deeper reasons behind conflicts. Becky wraps up by summarizing the steps and saying that dealing with conflict can bring people closer. She also mentions a webinar coming up where she'll talk more about handling conflicts healthily.



00:00 Celebrating 200 Episodes: A Milestone Moment

00:31 Diving Into Healthy Conflict: Steps to Navigate Disagreements

01:01 Soothing Strategies: Managing Emotional Flooding in Conflicts

04:28 The Art of Compromise: Finding Middle Ground

08:17 Addressing Emotional Injuries: Beyond the Surface of Conflict

10:37 Wrapping Up: Recap and Looking Forward


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In this episode, we delve into the second step of the five-step series on resolving conflict, as taught by the Gottman Institute. The focus is on making and receiving repair attempts to manage conflicts effectively. The host, Becky, emphasizes the importance of starting conflicts softly, avoiding the 'four horsemen' that escalate fights, and adopting positive repair attempts. Techniques such as using 'I feel' statements, staying polite, and employing the Gottman repair checklist are discussed. The podcast also addresses the challenge of practicing these methods, especially for individuals prone to being people pleasers or suffering from codependency. Becky concludes with an invitation to an upcoming webinar that aims to help listeners foster healthy connections through better conflict management.



00:00 Welcome & Series Introduction

00:15 Recap: The First Step to Resolving Conflict

01:09 Deep Dive: Techniques for a Soft Startup

02:43 Understanding the Purpose of Conflict Resolution Techniques

04:27 Introducing Step Two: Making and Receiving Repair Attempts

05:47 Exploring Positive Repair Attempts

08:27 Practical Tips: Implementing Repair Attempts in Daily Life

08:53 The Importance of Practice and Persistence

09:39 Invitation to an Upcoming Webinar on Healthy Conflict

10:50 Closing Thoughts and Goodbye


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