Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship Nina Badzin

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Episode #96: I have been a Gretchen Rubin fan since 2009 when I read The Happiness Project the week it came out. Who could resist that cover and concept? And I cannot believe this, but I got to discuss my favorite topic, friendship, with Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina.

In celebration of Gretchen's paperback release of Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World, I am replaying our episode from about a year ago. I found my favorite parts of the episode and put it together.  


We covered:
The art of listening for what is being said and what is not being said in conversations with friends.The sound, sight, and touch of mixtapes plus our attempt to hatch a new business idea. The sound and touch of mahjongThe joy of tasting partiesThe nostalgia inherent in taste or even discussing foods we used to eat with friendsThe distracting sight of friends checking their phones and watchesThe sight of friends' faces and the emotions we read on their facesMaking plans to see sights with friends and the memories createdHugging friends! (I've gotten better at this since we first spoke.)And we took a quick dip into The Four Tendencies for me to share my husband being the Upholder of all Upholders.Take the "most neglected sense" quiz here.  

Meet Gretchen Rubin


Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the blockbuster New York Times bestsellers Life in Five Senses, Outer Order, Inner Calm; The Four Tendencies; Better Than Before; and The Happiness Project. Her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than thirty languages. She hosts the top-ranking, award-winning podcast “Happier with Gretchen Rubin,” where she explores practical solutions for living a happier life. Raised in Kansas City, she lives in New York City with her husband and two daughters. You can find everything you need at gretchenrubin.com. 



* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!
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Episode #95: Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth.

Topics we covered:


There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to share. The words "over" or "under" signal a potential mismatch in conversation styles. The connection between overtalking and over-explaining (the fear of being misunderstood).Ways to sense when someone is ready to move beyond small talk.How the dynamics of managing new friendship conversations is similar to flirtingSome lessons from storytelling include: an awareness of "airtime," listening attentively (no phone), not confusing your friends for your audience. It takes work to share with friends, and it takes work to listen.Flexibility between deep and casual conversations is a sign of true intimacy in a friendship.Learning not to take responsibility for the success of every conversation.  (That one was for me to work on myself!)

Meet Micaela Blei, PhD: 
Micaela has been teaching, studying and performing true, personal storytelling worldwide since 2012. She is a two-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and former founding Director of Education at The Moth. She’s currently the visiting professor of Storytelling at the Salt Institute for Documentary Studies in Portland, Maine, and a story editor for history, comedy and true crime shows at Wondery.


Micaela’s own storytelling can be heard on The Moth Radio Hour and podcast, Family Ghosts, Risk! and many others. Her Audible Original memoir, “You Will Not Recognize Your Life,” will be released on Audible later this year. Find out more, and hear more stories, at micaelablei.com. 




* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

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Episode #94: Everyone runs into bumps in their friendships. Trust me, I have a decade's worth of writing material from readers and listeners to prove that point. But when are friendship issues getting to the point where addressing them with a therapist is highly recommended? I'm joined by award-winning psychotherapist, Roxanne Francis, who responded brilliantly and graciously to the five areas of friendship dilemmas I hear about most often.


Meet Roxanne Francis, MSW, RSW: Roxanne is a Registered Social Worker and psychotherapist.  She is the CEO of Francis Psychotherapy & Consulting Services, where she runs a busy group therapy practice with her team. She is also a keynote speaker, leadership coach and corporate consultant who addresses topics related to women’s issues, race & equity, mental health, parenting, and wellness at work. 


The five categories of friendship issues we covered:
#1. You feel you have no friends.
#2. You struggle to keep friends because friends are ghosting you.
#3. You struggle to keep friends because you often cut people out of your life.
#4. The majority of your friendships are happening through a screen.
#5. Protecting your boundaries has become extreme, making it difficult to connect with friends and community.



* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!
My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

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Episode #93: A quick conversation about the subtle hurts that can make friendship difficult. It's the small slights I cover on Dear Nina in general, not the giant betrayals.
Why? The big "stuff" is much more black and white, and we don't need much conversation around whether to stay friends.
Today I also have a big instagram tip if you're looking to change your Instagram handle. I changed mine to @dearninafriendship. Instagram doesn't make it all that simple if you have tons of links in the world leading to your old handle (which I do). I explain it all in the episode.


LINKS MENTIONED:
I was guest on the We're Not Fine podcast with Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen. "Your Friend Hurt You, Is Your Friendship Salvageable?"I was also a guest on The AWEd Life Podcast. "Expanding Our Friendships in Different Stages of Life" (with a big focus on midlife and early empty nester life)My friend Emily of The Connected Mom Life gave me the positive push and advice to change my instagram handle to @dearninafriendship.

* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!
My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

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Episode #92: For anyone who has been hurt by a friend--or a group of friends--recently or in the past, this 14-minute episode is for you. It's a solo episode that came from my reaction to a TikTok video I saw by a woman who was left out of a group trip years ago and has decided she will never trust anyone with her friendship again. 
Other titles I considered: (and all relate to this 14-minute episode!)
Not All Women Are Vicious Don’t Let Being Left Out Dictate Your Future FriendshipsDon't Overly Focus on the Friends Who Rejected YouYou (and your kids) Will Survive Being Left Out There is a Natural Drifting From Friends at Each Age and Stage of LifeIn other words, I covered all of the above in this one. 


LINKS MENTIONED:
The TikTok video I’m reacting to in this episode “Why Big Friend Groups Often Fail and Helping Kids Handle Friendship Conflict” with Dr. Lisa Damour“I’m Just Not Into This Friendship” with Ruchi Koval“Friends Will Hang Out Without You” with Taryn Kessel“Difficult Teen Friendships and Parent Involvement” with Stephanie Sprenger“Every Friendship Starts or Deepens With an Act of Bravery” with Amy Weatherly and Jess Johnston
QUOTES FROM THE EPISODE: 
"There's so much focus on who wasn't interested, who drifted away, who left, who left you out, who left your kid out. Let's focus on who said yes. That is where our energy should be.”
“I don't think it's a good idea to ‘normalize,' to use an extremely overused word on the internet, turning our lives upside down when friends do things without us. If we're going to normalize anything, let's normalize that friends WILL hang out without us. Just like we sometimes want to hang out in smaller groups or with just one or two people.”


* All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!
My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question

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Episode #91: Dr. Lisa Damour's latest book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers , is out in paperback. On this episode we revisit the best nuggets of my previous conversation with Dr. Lisa, focusing on teen and tween friend groups and all of the anxiety that goes along with parenting a teen who is dealing with not being in a group. We cover teens not liking their place in a group, wishing they had a group, wishing they had a smaller group, and so on.

We also discuss the reality that every kid will be left out and will likely leave out others, and we touch on what "mental health" actually means. (It doesn't mean feeling good all the time.) Finally, we spend a good deal of time on helping teens manage conflict with friends. 

Dr. Lisa Damour is a renowned psychologist and the NYT  bestselling author of Untangled, Under Pressure, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, and the co-host of the Ask Lisa Podcast. Find Dr. Lisa on Instagram and Twitter.

Topics We Covered: 
Dr. Lisa with Dax and Monica on Armchair ExpertTeens will get left out and leave others. Friend groups seem overly formal to adults these days, but it's a reality for teens. Lisa said, "If your kid has one or two good buddies, leave it alone. It's perfect. If your kid has a large friendship group, do not assume that anyone is going out of their way to cause trouble. It is the nature of those larger groups."In groups of over four, it's impossible that every person will like each other equally. If your teen has a few close friends, they have everything they need for a positive social life. Reassure them that we have good data showing that the least stressed kids have one or two good friends.Understanding that mental health has come to be equated with feeling good or relaxed or happy. These are all wonderful things, but they're not what mental health is. Dr. Damour explains that being mentally healthy is about having feelings that fit the circumstance, then managing those feelings, even if those are negative emotions.Learning the difference between uncomfortable and unmanageable.Helping teens make the most of the friendship strife * All transcripts are available on the main Buzzsprout "Dear Nina" site. Click on any episode and find the transcript tab.

Let's connect over all things friendship!
My Substack newsletter about friendship & more Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group Ask an anonymous question