Leaning Toward Wisdom Randy Cantrell

 



Kenneth Aronoff is a drummer for John Mellencamp. He's also part of a documentary, The Untold Stories Of Your Favorite Musicians. He talks about the early days with Mellencamp when he was asked to come up with a drum solo of sorts for a new song, Jack & Diane.



When I first heard him say it my mind went into a few different directions.



One, being good under pressure. Not everybody is. How can we improve that skill?



Two, being good on your feet. That is, being able to figure it out in real-time, with the clock ticking. Again, how can we hon that ability?



Three, knowing you're at a pivot point that could (no guarantees) change everything. How can we recognize the importance of this moment?



Aronoff had enough of all three to handle this moment.

“It's kind of funny...the moments on which life hinges. I think growing up you always imagine your life--your success--depends on your family and how much money they have, where you go to college, what sort of job you can pin down, starting salary...But it doesn't, you know. You wouldn't believe this, but life hinges on a couple of seconds you never see coming. And what you decide in those few seconds determines everything from then on... And you have no idea what you'll do until you're there...”

― Marisha Pessl, Special Topics in Calamity Physics (a novel)

Pessl is a novelist who has crafted some great lines. Truthful lines. This is one of favorites. Life often hinges on a couple of seconds we never see coming. More accurately, it hinges on what we do in that moment. In those seconds. And while you have no idea until you're there, all the things we've done up that moment prepare us.

I will prepare and some day my chance will come.  - Abraham Lincoln

That line speaks to our ability and our optimism. The belief that we'll put in the necessary work and in time, we'll get an opportunity.



I often wonder if we knew in advance of that moment, would it help us or hurt us? Might we live in constant fear and anxiety if we knew? It may be a blessing that when those moments arrive, we had little or no warning.



In the last episode I talked about how special forces train so when the battle erupts, they react wisely (and well) automatically. So much so, they describe their reactions under fire as "it just happens." That's the value of preparation. It's the value of focus, intensity and dedication to constant improvement.



It's also the quest to learn what we don't yet know. Ignorance isn't bliss. It can be disastrous when we act based on it. Many dramatic stories prove the point. Mostly, tragedies prove it. Hamlet. Romeo & Juliet. Stories where people lacked knowledge, but took actions based on it. Stories where they had 25 to save themselves, or somebody else...but they got it wrong.



Tragedy has visited each of us, partly because of actions taken based on our ignorance. We thought something, but without full knowledge, or understanding, we got it wrong. The result was tragic. Maybe not life and death tragic, but some version of tragic none the less.



25 feet to get it right. Or to get it wrong.



I began to consider the journey to those 25 feet, wondering how important those feet are. And how we might influence them.



Reminiscing of my 25-foot-moments I tried to remember what led me there. What happened and how did I get it wrong? Did I get it wrong? Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.







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On Chris Williamson's Modern Wisdom YouTube show with Tim Kennedy, a Special Forces master sergeant and author, Kennedy was recounting the extensive training of special forces. In the fog of war there is no time to think when bullets start flying. It's all reaction. He details the many micro movements of firing a weapon during a fire fight, emptying the weapon and reloading - all within seconds. It's not a strategic - "I now need to do this" - kind of thing. It's something you've practiced tens of thousands of times. So much that when the moment comes, it just happens.



It just happens.



He said you practice it so much, that when the moment comes, it just happens!



But first, it's a slow, arduous journey of working hard.

Everything is hard, until it's easy. Everything is slow, until it's fast. 

This is why most things remain hard to many people. They don't put in the work.



It's why we remain broke, fat and miserable, too. And why too many of us lack faith, gratitude and compassion.



Because it's hard work. It's not couch potato work!



Some weeks ago I mentioned to Lisa Norris, my co-host on the Grow Great podcast (a podcast about city government leadership) that every high-performer I've ever known pursues the hard stuff. They're not complacent. They're all strategic in learning more, growing and adding to their arsenal. I remarked,

"Everything is hard, until it's easy and high-performer are always chasing the hard stuff."

Practice doesn't make perfect, but perfect practice does. That's what we've heard for decades. It's absurd though because it presupposes that our work ought to be perfect in practice (when it doesn't matter as much). However, if the saying speaks to the process of practice being perfect (our willingness to put in the work by doing what we must in order to improve), then it's not absurd at all.



When I heard Tim Kennedy's response I went back to notes I'd been making to myself about preparation (practice). I'm a lifelong fan of preparation. This - and all my podcasts - depict my fandom. I use a broadcast workflow because I'd rather prepare in advance of recording instead of just winging it, then fixing it all in editing after-the-fact. Besides, preparation is where I've found my confidence can be greatly enhanced. And I hate not feeling confident.



What is confidence? Where does it come from? Where do we have it?



Long ago I concluded that my confidence isn't singular. There are a few different types of confidence in my life.



First, there's confidence in God. I'll call it a spiritual confidence. It's based on belief, faith and conviction. It's not an internal faith in myself, but rather it's my inner confidence in something and someone else - something much higher and more powerful than myself. My spiritual confidence is based only on the Bible because it's the only standard I have to inform me about God. Any other confidence based on feelings or intuitions or urges would come from me, not the Bible. That makes them susceptible to being mere delusions so I won't base my spiritual confidence on such things.



Second, there's confidence in others. This is an external confidence based on my belief and trust in others. It may be based on past history or expected future. I'm confident that our family will help influence my five grandchildren to be successful adults, able to navigate their lives well. Ages 16 to 8, it's yet to be proven, but I have confidence in our family and in these children. Maybe it's an optimism based on the work we're putting in to help train them all. But it's not entirely based on the adults in the family. None of these 5 children have shown an unwillingness to be compliant to learn and improve.



My confidence in others is based on past behaviors and on my expectations of their capabilities.

 



Note: The picture in the featured image is my 100-year-old dad holding my 92-year-old mother's hand as she lay dying. She passed from this life on April 4, 2024. They were married for 73 years, a testimony to the power of companionship.



Companion / Companionship

a person or animal with whom one spends a lot of time

a feeling of fellowship or friendship

Do you want to be alone with yourself?



And if not, then why do you think anybody else would ever want to be around you?



What is it about you that might be off-putting? Or unsafe?



Let's begin with a word, EFFORT. It's the thing we can all control. It's the igniter in the combustion chamber of success. Whether it's relationships - companionship, or some other pursuit - if we put in enough effort, we can always ensure our growth. Hard work may not result in an absolute win, but it will result in personal growth. The kind of growth that can impact every aspect of our life.

“Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourselves a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles. Remember, no effort that we make to attain something beautiful is ever lost.”         ― Helen Keller

In recent weeks I've talked a lot about my challenges with having too many spinning plates. This goes directly to EFFORT, which means we need to discuss another word, CAPACITY. There is a limit to our effort because our time is limited. And our ability is limited, too.



Time is easy to measure. It's definite.



Ability may be impossible to measure. I suspect we're all severely limited by our mind thinking "this is all I've got," when in reality, we can do more. Evidence of such things is the Navy Seal training and many other physical/mental challenges that people regularly conquer. The person who wants to run their first marathon may quit thinking it's too hard. But those who go on to run their first learn they're more able than they thought. Those who quit are convinced it just wasn't something within their reach. Like Henry Ford famously said...



“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't --- you're right.”



What if we believed - truly believed - we were more able?



I have asked hundreds of executives, business owners, and other leaders a simple question: "Would you say that most of your dreams have come true?"



100% of them answer, "Yes."



That doesn't mean every dream was achieved. Or that they've got no more dreams left to chase. It just means they achieved most of the things they set out to achieve.



After they've weighed in, I'll then say, "Makes you wonder what kind of potential we're leaving on the floor, huh?"



What if we dreamed bigger? What if we chased something seemingly impossible for us? Our lives seem to be proving to us that we might be able to achieve most things we pursue. Why shouldn't we reach for more? And why shouldn't we help others reach for more?



Time is easier. Daily we say YES and NO. Daily we may say yes to things we'd rather say no to. We may also say no to things we'd really like to say yes to. All these decisions impact our time. They determine our calendar. And our calendar - those things we answer wrongly - determines our resentment and bitterness.



Suppose I say yes to an invitation I'd rather say no to. Maybe I'm cowardly in the moment. Maybe I'm too worried about hurt feelings. Not my own, but the person inviting me. Maybe social pressures are in play. But for some reason, I give the wrong answer and now this dreaded event is on my calendar.



Who is served by my wrong answer?



Not me.



Not my inviter.

 



In 1982 I stood in front of a group of employees of the retail company I was running to tell them, "Who would have thought we'd reach a time when saying "please" and "thank you," "sir" and "ma'am" would be a competitive edge?" That was then. This is now.



Superior customer service is rare. That means the opportunities are extraordinary! Seize the day.



Abel seized the day. Here's his story, as posted on my Facebook profile.



Abel with Schlotzsky’s in Grapevine, Texas

















Schlotzsky's Grand Prairie, Texas Is Today's Customer Service HORROR Story (Small Hill Drive location)

Rhonda placed an order via the app (something she's done with great frequency). Location: Grapevine, Texas. Problem: during checkout, the app encountered a problem with her saved credit card requiring that it be re-entered. Done. Order placed.



Problem #2: during that payment problem evidently the order location changed from Grapevine to Grand Prairie. She didn't notice that until we were in the drive-through of the Grapevine location. She explained the problem and they politely said, "No problem. Just call them to get a refund and we'll make the sandwiches here." So we pulled into a parking spot to call Grand Prairie.



She explained the problem and as they seemed to be helping her the connection went dead. I suspect they hung up on her (she was on the speakerphone). She dialed back. Explained it again, but this time it was a different person. "No, we've already made the sandwiches. No refund!" (Do this in the voice/tone of the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld and you'll be dangerously close to the sound of this man on the phone). She asked for the manager. "I am the manager."



I took the phone to ply my powers of persuasion but without success. The Sandwich Nazi wasn't going to bend an inch. This $22 transaction was more meaningful than a long-time customer.



I entered the Grapevine store to see what I could do. A pleasant gentleman behind the counter was taking orders. I was 3rd in line. Immediately I thought, "This store isn't run by the same folks that operate Grand Prairie."



Turns out, I was right.



As I explained our quandary, the gentleman said, "Oh yeah, you were just in the drive-through." I told him Grand Prairie refused to issue a refund. He was shocked. I asked what I could do. He asked me what we ordered and I told him. He punched it into his computer and said, "I got you." No, no, no - that wasn't the solution I was looking for and I insisted on paying. "No," he insisted, "I got you."



I thanked him and told him I was going to share this story. I gave him my business card, took a quick selfie as he handed me the order, gave him a bro hug, and thanked him asking, "What's your name?" I'm pretty sure he said, "Able." If not, I apologize. It was busy and I didn't want to detain him.



Schlotzsky's in Grand Prairie - Small Hill Drive - boos and hisses to your ownership and management for pathetic customer services



Schlotzsky's in Grapevine - kudos and salutes to your ownership and management for stepping up to do the right thing. A special shout-out to the gentleman in the picture. He understands how to be excellent!



NOTE: Abel is his name! Hours later and I'm still very impressed with this man. Visit Abel and his staff at the Schlotzsky’s in Grapevine, Texas and tell them you saw this post.



Pursue excellence. Chase consistency in that excellence.



Do it in your professional life. Do it in your personal life.



There are opportunities everywhere!







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Sloping seems more gentle than stumbling. And graceful. But when it comes to growing older it can be inaccurate. We don't slope toward a face plant. We stumble. We fall. Face-first into the ground.



"Everywhere I look I see opportunities," I said. The conversation was about how we see the world and our place. Me? I have lived life trying to take various hills. Then quickly seeking out a new hill to take. Sometimes the hill is simply making it better. Always making it better - or trying to - is the curse of my mind.



As I approach the beginning of my 67th year on the earth I know the end began on day one. Growing up, children only think about the present or the future. Age urges us to focus on the future and we increasingly lose track of the present. Today wasn't great, but tomorrow will be better. Until we realize our past is larger than our prospective future, which prompts us to remember. Old people don't tend to talk about the future, but they rehearse - often with boring repetition - the past.



In the future, I'm liable to be guilty of the same behavior even though I hate it. I hope to avoid doing it.



The end has begun. The end of many things has begun, sparking the beginning of others.



Experience, not age, has taught me how little I know. And how far I have to go to reach my ideal outcome. Mostly, that ideal outcome is me. Not in some self-centered way, but in the sense that all I will ever contribute to the world is myself. Being my best self. Nothing else matters.



My impact - whatever it may be - is all any of us have to offer. It's not a minimal thing either. It's massive. More so for some than others because our talents, drives, ambitions, and opportunities aren't equal. There's also luck. Mark Cuban remarked that luck was the difference between him being a millionaire and a billionaire. So it goes.



I feel like I've grown. Evidence shows it's somewhat true.



Never mind that some likely view me in light of the worst chapters - or sentences - I've written. Everybody can make up their mind about me, or anybody else. And they do.



My days are spent focused on other people's lives. Largely on their professional challenges and opportunities. Sometimes the focus is solely on their personal lives because what ails them is deeply personal. Challenges come from all angles. Oportunities, too.



The drive to make a difference is always the hill I'm trying to take. The methodology is asking questions.



I figure things out by asking questions. Asking questions provides answers. Questioning answers clarifies existing answers. The focus isn't on me, so the questions are aimed at helping others figure it out. After all, it's not mine to figure out. It's a deep version of the old TV show, "This Is Your Life." It's not my life. I have my stuff to figure out. It's only about me so I can better understand, ask better questions, and improve at helping others figure things out.



Relationships.



Careers.



Faith.



Financial circumstances.



Habits.



Beliefs.



Choices.



Behaviors.



Skills.



Abilities.



Perspectives.



Hobbies.



Preferences.



Everything is subject to change.



Everything decays. Decay starts at the beginning and continues until the end.



But Eternity changes everything because according to God's Word, Heaven has no decay. Hell doesn't either. Bliss or torture without interruption.



That's not how life on earth works. Bliss, happiness, joy, peace - they're all interrupted by decay. Each has enemies that disturb or destroy.



Our lives are subject to change because other people have choices that can interrupt our choices and pref...

February 1974, Baton Rouge. Near the entrance to Louisiana State University. A record store, my favorite hang out. Leisure Landing.



I enter the store and a record is playing. It's alt-country. Weird. Because the guy's name is Ian Matthews. Ian isn't a southern United States name.



I grab the album cover and begin to read the back. Two players who I already admire are on this record. Jeff "Skunk" Baxter of Steely Dan fame and David Lindley of Jackson Browne fame. I love both of these guys. I'm enjoying this record. Ian is an Englishman playing alternative country, folksy tunes.



Some days you eat the bear...



Some days the bear eats you.



I've never heard this artist before.



I've never heard this phrase before either.



But I'm street smart and quickly discern it means, "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose."



That's today's show. A new episode from inside The Yellow Studio 4.0.



Enjoy!







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