Wellbeing Wisdom Tiny Bites Sandy Weaver

Do you have a big problem to solve and you’re feeling stumped? It can feel overwhelming to try to decide which solution is the right one to solve a specific issue in your life.

The first question to ask is, “is this truly my problem to solve?” If not, let it go. Help the person with the problem if you can and if it feels like your help is welcome and needed, and resist the temptation to solve it for them.

If the big problem passes that test – in other words, if you answered “yes” that it really is your problem, then look around at all the problems you’ve already solved. You solve problems all the time. Are you drinking from a clean container? Are you wearing clothes that are clean, fit you well, and go together? (psst…if you work from home you can pass on that last question!) Look at your current car – remember when your last car was having problems, and you solved that by buying a new car?

You’ve solved problems before and you’ll solve this one, too. Take a breath, take a walk, and let your innate problem-solving skills work on it while you take care of other things. The right solution WILL come to you! It always does.

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Does your to-do list make you want to give up before you even start?

Many of us have crazy-busy lives with calendars that look like a Tetris game, and when that happens it can seem like your life is running you instead of you running your life. That can feel very overwhelming, and it will take a week or two, depending on how far out you’re scheduled, to regain control of your tasks.

This one simple habit will help to remind you to prioritize appropriately: at the end of each day, reflect on what you’ve said “yes” to.


Did you say “yes” to things that feel heavy or things that feel light?
Did you say “yes” to tasks that take time you didn’t have to give?
Did you say “yes” to others when you should have been saying “yes” to you?

Keep a list of the things you said “yes” to that perhaps you could have said “no” to. When you see how much time those unnecessary “yes” tasks eat up, take back that time with one simple word: “no.”

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There’s a myth in our culture about closure. People say things like, “he didn’t give me a chance to find closure” or “how can I cope without closure” or even “now I’ll never get closure.”

The myth is that closure has to come from outside of you, and the truth is that closure is a decision you make.

Closure has nothing to do with what anyone else says or does – you decide when you’re ready to move on, based on where you are in the grief process. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a job, a friend, a loved one, or a potted plant you’ve had since high school, losses don’t feel good. Losses create challenges that can be both mental and physical, and dealing with those challenges is how to gain closure.

Closure isn’t a one-time event, it’s a process of accepting, adjusting, and adapting to a new rhythm of life. When you’re focused on the future and moving in that direction, closure will come to you a little bit more each day.

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Have you ever cried over a lost job or a lost friend or a lost love?

Most of us have, and it’s not a pretty cry, is it? It feels like we’re trying to water a dead plant back to life with our tears. Maybe you cried for a day, or a week, or a month, and maybe you’re still crying.

When the tears ended and your life resumed, what was the dominant feeling? If it was relief or calm or even inner peace, you didn’t lose anything, you won.

Because most of us want to foster connection and closeness, we often back-burner things that are meaningful to us.


We decide it’s ok to work longer hours and not spend as much time with friends.
We decide that this friend needs us so we pour into them at the expense of our own self-care.
We put aside a hobby that gets in the way of our romantic relationship.

When we stop putting our needs in a secondary position, the feelings of relief can be a pleasant surprise. Let them be a wake-up call – your needs matter. Remind yourself as you start the next chapter that you are at least as important to you as that job or friend or lover.

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Did you look at someone and smile today?
Did you hold the door for someone?
Did you send birthday wishes on your favorite social media channel, or a birthday text or email or card?

Did you know you light up someone’s day when you do something like that? People long to be seen, and  when that happens, the person feels it and gets a hit of dopamine from their brain. They instantly feel a connection with you, and since we’re community-craving creatures, connection feels comforting.

Here’s a little secret – when you make eye contact while doing something nice for another person, you get a hit of dopamine, too! If you’re not able to make eye contact – maybe you’re using social media, text, email, or the postal service, think about the person you’re communicating with and think about how what you’re about to send will make them smile.

When you can conjure the feeling they’re likely to feel when they hear from you, you’ll get a hit of dopamine, too. Want to feel good? Make someone else feel good & watch what happens!

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The other day I was nearly swamped by a wave of emotions when the “first dance” song from my wedding 38 years ago came on the radio. It shocked me to get all those feels – the marriage lasted 30 years, the breakup happened 8 years ago and I rarely think about the wasband, which is why I was so shocked to feel all those emotions.

Has something like that ever happened to you? You hear a song and suddenly feelings you haven’t felt in years well up?

It’s not the song – it’s the memories the song evokes and the parts of the brain that fire up when the song plays.

A Rockefeller University study found that fragments of memory are stored in the brain’s prefrontal lobe, and when a fragment shows up in the environment, the brain pulls out everything it can find about that event from the hippocampus, along with the feelings associated with the event.

Next time that happens to you, treat it like a non-event – observe your brain working the way it’s supposed to and then happily go on with your day.

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