Your Case for Love Tony Dee

There is a strength within each of us humans, that, when we purposely disconnect from from it for the sake of hate, you release turmoil in yourself and those around you, because you have lost the power that sustains your mental and physical well being. In this episode I tell you what it is and how to be sure to stay tapped in, while sharing it with others in it's entirety. 


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00:00 Music by Divine C.U.T.S.
Plan life together with your partner
See the remaining show notes and links on our website: https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/podcast/episode-16-plan-life-together/ Introduction

Tony Dee: 0:07 Hi, I’m Tony Dee, author of “Your Case For Love,” the book, founder of the “Bypass method”, helping you bypass the wrong person so you can get to the right person this time. Also the co-host of Your Case For Love, the podcast.

Liz Merriweather: 0:34 Hi, I’m Liz Merriweather, life coach, psychotherapist, and co-host of Your Case For Love podcast.

Guest Introduction
Liz Merriweather: 0:42
Yeah, but before we go there, I want to circle back and conclude our series of episodes featuring Dr. Erin Mayfield. Let’s take a few minutes and hear how Dr. Mayfield serves her community.
Tony Dee: 1:24 Dr. Erin
Lifestyle Medicine Wellness & Recovery – 8-Week Course
Dr. Erin Mayfield: 1:25
Well, thank you. Well, what we’ve got is an eight-week course. And we work with all six pillars of lifestyle medicine. We offer group coaching where we will also instruct on how to transition to a whole-food plant-based diet. We offer exercise classes three times a week, general exercising with our Nationally Certified Pilates Instructor, Jennifer Scoggins, who is also a Registered Licensed Dietitian.
We will have a monthly membership that will continue after that so that people can continue to tap into cooking classes, get new recipes, have a discussion, and have support. So we’re looking forward to working with everyone. Facebook page is the same as our website and our business name – Lifestyle Medicine Wellness & Recovery.
Well, I’ve really appreciated our conversation today. And I’m excited for your work, Liz and Tony, and excited to work with you so that we can go forward and support people on their journey for
* lifestyle change.

* It’s so doable.

* It’s possible.

* It’s exciting.

I know people will feel better. And it really is! I’m so grateful to be here with you today. Thank you.
Liz Merriweather: 3:51 Thank you so much, Dr. Erin. We appreciate you being here through this episode series. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Now today’s topic.
Today’s Topic Afraid of Failed Relationship - Plan
Liz Merriweather: 4:26 Not only were we afraid but our families were. It’s not that our families didn’t like us respectively, but they didn’t want to see us go through another failed relationship, and so apprehensive, maybe, that’s the best word.
We Knew What We Wanted – Avatar in Mind
See the remaining show notes and links on our website: https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/podcast/episode-16-plan-life-together/
We talked about 13 years, but that number has always been a power-filled number for me. You know, a lot of people put an emphasis on it being bad luck. I don’t believe in luck for one thing. I believe in later under correct knowledge. Our ups and downs, yes, we have. But again, * we have a life plan * We act on it. * We live by it. * It’s not a Bible. It’s just words on the paper. But it gives us some guidance. Something to go by. And we don’t have to go and look at it. But we know in our heart, what’s there.
Fire Escape
Liz Merriweather: 18:09 That’s not gonna happen. But in the early years, we had some tough moments. We’re getting to really know each other on a deeper level, going through new experiences together, knowing each other’s temperament, when to give space and when to swoop in for support.
Liz Merriweather: 19:24 So we can help other people. We’re servants to other people in our own unique ways. See notes and links on our website: https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/podcast/episode-16-plan-life-together/

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00:00 Music by Divine C.U.T.S.


Contest explained here. Listen to the rules and find the entry page in show notes on our website. Please visit the home page for Downloads and Show Notes
Video version:
https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/podcast/episode-15-expectation-chainversations


Music by Divine C.U.T.S.

Introduction
Tony Dee: 0:18 Hi, I’m Tony Dee, author of “Your Case For Love,” the book, founder of the “Bypass method,” helping you bypass the wrong person so you can get to the right person this time. Also the co-host of Your Case For Love, the podcast.


Liz Merriweather: 0:34 Hi, I’m Liz Merriweather, life coach, psychotherapist, and co-host of Your Case For Love podcast.


Tony Dee: 0:41 Welcome to Your Case For Love.


Guest Introduction


Liz Merriweather: 0:45 In this episode, we’re going to introduce you to Dr. Erin Mayfield.


Today’s Topic: Expectation Conversation


Tony Dee: 1:02 Here’s a little insight into where we go in. We talk about expectation conversations in the book, Your Case For Love. And you may want to pick up your copy because all of these things we’re talking about are in the book, if you’d like to have it all together. 


But right now, we’re talking about expectation conversations. And some people start out a relationship, and you meet the person, you acknowledge attraction, and at least within yourself, you start having conversations, then all of a sudden you start having dating conversations. 


You never really took the time to get to know that person. You talked about commonalities. But that’s not really expectation conversations. And I’m gonna tell you what happens. Well, I’m gonna let Dr. Erin tell you what happens.

Importance of Chain-versations

Liz Merriweather: 1:49 You know, Tony, we are going to hear from Dr. Erin, but let me just say that I am certain if she and the person she was dating had had these expectation chain-versions, she wouldn’t have ended up in that first codependent marriage. But again, let’s hear her talk about it.


Dr. Erin’s Experience


Dr. Erin Mayfield: 2:06 When I was delivering babies and I was in a codependent relationship and I tried managing all of that, I can look back and see how bad I felt. I didn’t know it at the time. I knew I was tired. 


But I didn’t realize how damaging all of that was, how hard I pushed myself, and how much havoc it caused with my personal life and my loving relationships. And even friendships. I mean, it expands to your entire circle of social connection. 


And so, I know for me, when I was caught up in all of that, that was it. That was a focus on survival. Taking care of patients, doing the best I could for my pregnant patients, which I loved. I just adored my women. But that was a part of all of this. And it really does. 


Once you step back and you can start to adjust and learn how to incorporate healthier ways of living, it’s so rich and so worthwhile that you’ll never go back again.


Liz Merriweather: 3:18 You know, Dr. Erin has talked before about how she did a lot of therapy to get out of that codependent relationship and understand how she got into it in the first place. And I see that with a lot of my courageous clients that come into therapy. 
Please visit the home page for Downloads and Show Notes
Video version:
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/your-case-for-love/support

00:00 Music By Divine C.U.T.S.  

See the entire show notes on our website:
https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/podcast/episode-14-my-feelings

In this episode we answer 'are my feelings truth' and, we’ll talk about how to recognize them for what they are.   

Tony Dee: 0:52 This makes me feel so good. Your feelings say, get away from it as quick as possible. That’s F-E-A-R or false evidence appearing real or, my heart says, yes. When you look deeper into the situation, you will discover the facts.   Finding facts isn’t the result of taking a surface view to reach a feeling, or feeling your way to a conclusion. 

Finding facts is a result of taking time to move past the fear or lustful feeling, so you can get to know the deeper cause or get to know the person better or the potential result of what you’re looking at.  Feelings are an indicator that you need to look deeper into it, whatever it is, not that you should run away or jump into it. That’s not what feelings mean. This all means rushed decisions could cost you dearly later. 

Today’s topic is feelings. What role do feelings actually play in decision-making? Feelings Are Indicators.  

Liz Merriweather: 1:57 You know, I like to say feelings are fickle. They are, as you said, literally an indicator of some thing. But unless it’s a life or death situation, reacting impulsively and emotionally to a feeling can end in a bad way.   

So, yeah! Let’s take a minute to listen to Dr. Erin as she draws the connection between a person’s feeling state and the health of their relationships. Because she’s spot on. After she read your book, she had some real specific thoughts to share. Let’s listen...  

The rabbit hole definition of feelings  
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/feelings   

Common Thinking Traps
https://bit.ly/Thinking_Traps_Therapy     

Contact Tony
https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/contact-tony/ 

The brain on chemicals
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMcmrP-BWGk  

The Book
https://www.yourcaseforlove.com/the-book


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Music: Divine C.U.T.S. 

To help you set expectations get the right person challenge: https://www.yourcaseforlove.com/the-right-person-challenge 

Introduction: Tony Dee: 0:18 Hi, I’m Tony Dee, author of “Your Case For Love,” the book, founder of the “Bypass method,” helping you bypass the wrong person so you can get to the right person this time. 

Liz Merriweather: 0:35 Hi, I’m Liz Merriweather, life coach, Psychotherapist, and co-host of Your Case For Love podcast. 

Tony Dee: 0:42 Welcome to Your Case For Love. Guest Introduction 

Liz Merriweather: 0:45 In this episode, we’re going to introduce you to Dr. Erin Mayfield, who we affectionately call Dr. Erin. Dr. Erin is going to be featured in a mini-series over the course of the next several episodes. And you’ll see why in just a minute. 

Tony Dee: 1:02 Dr. Erin? 

Dr. Erin: 1:03 Oh well, thank you so much. I’m so grateful to be here on your podcast. It’s just really an honor to share this time with you and with Liz. So I’m a physician whose passion is lifestyle medicine. I am a retired gynecologist. I practiced in the Covington and Conyers, Georgia area for almost 30 years. And those are suburbs of Atlanta. We moved to Pensacola Florida. 

Getting License: Dr. Erin: 1:33 And in the process of getting my medical license, I had an accident, which required shoulder surgery and gave me a lot of time to read. That’s how I discovered lifestyle medicine. 

Childhood: Dr. Erin: 1:45 Growing up, I had very loving parents. However, my father was a very angry man. And he had a lot of issues from his childhood. He grew up in the depression. He was out on the streets when he was six years old collecting trash, trying to bring home pennies to help support his family. So he had a really hard life. 

To help you start setting expectations start with the right person challenge
https://www.yourcaseforlove.com/the-right-person-challenge 

Codependent Relationship: Dr. Erin: 2:05 And there was a lot of anger there, a lot of anger that was never processed until he was quite elderly. So when I was growing up, he verbally abused my mom. And I was very defensive of her. So there was this codependent relationship between the two of us, which really extended with me into adulthood. 

Marriage: Dr. Erin: 2:30 So when I married the first time, I also married into a codependent relationship. And the man that I loved turned out to be an alcoholic. We struggled for years. And he finally volunteered to go to rehab, which I congratulate him for that. 

Problems in Marriage: Dr. Erin: 2:48 And it was rough. But that’s when I really learned about all of my emotional problems and how I contributed to the relationship, how my codependency contributed to his alcoholism and how I really supported him, in doing that, even though, I thought I didn’t want to. So that was a critical transformation for me and that takes a long time to work through. I mean, there’s this initial emotional crash, where you feel like the whole world is coming at you. And there’s this black cloud that I felt like I was living under that I kept going to counseling, I went and went and went and when I was faithful with it, and things started to get better. 

Divorce:Dr. Erin: 3:27 And we eventually divorced, because we realized we weren’t compatible. That was okay. Had I not gone through that transformation and all of that counseling and really understood what codependency was, and how it affected my life, and how I affected other peoples’ lives in that space, I would have never been able to have the healthy relationship that I have with my husband, Steve. 

Today’s Topic: Liz Merriweather: 4:13 In this week’s podcast we’re also asking why create an avatar? Please see the full footnotes on our website: https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/what-is-an-avatar


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Please don't allow sections of this video to offend you. It's for educational purposes.
https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com/podcast/episode-12-lusting/  

Your Case for Love – Episode 12  

Music by Liz Bills and The Change   

Introduction  

Tony Dee:  
0:17 Hi, I’m Tony Dee, author of “Your Case For Love,” the book, founder of the “Bypass Method,” helping you bypass the wrong person so you can get to the right person this time. Also the co-host of Your Case For Love, the podcast.  

Liz Merriweather:
0:34 Hi, I’m Liz Merriweather, Life coach, Psychotherapist, and Co-host of Your Case For Love podcast.  

Tony Dee:  
0:41 Welcome to Your Case For Love. And welcome to Episode 12 of Your Case For Love.  Topic  

Liz Merriweather:
0 :50 In this week’s podcast episode, we’re going to talk about the L word not the love L word. But that other one, L-U-S-T.   

Tony Dee:  
0:59 Lust   

Liz Merriweather:
1:00 Lust  

Tony Dee:  
1:02 Now there are opposing opinions. But there’s a question for you to ponder. Is lust a good or bad emotion?   

Musical interlude by Liz Bills and The Change   

Lust Defined  

Tony Dee:  
1:28 Now on page 43 and 44 of Your Case For Love, there’s two definitions or two breakdowns, two versions of lust defined. But more than that, I think we need to open this discussion with some science. Liz, do you have anything for us?   

Research  

Liz Merriweather:  
1:56 You know, I did a little research and I found a document out of Harvard University that does some of that research for us and has identified and it just makes perfect sense, if you think about it, that the emotion of lust is actually our hormones at work. It’s biology driven.      

If you think about it, we’re made... It’s in our DNA. We’re made to have this emotion to drive us to procreate. If we didn’t have a very strong desire to do that, we as humans wouldn’t spend her energy on that.    

The Scientific Study of Lust     

So it’s basically hormonal. And I’ll say some more about that in a minute. But this particular researcher, with a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher, the article that I referenced, and it’s linked in the show notes references a team of scientists led by Dr. Helen Fisher at Rutgers University.      And that team basically broke down the concept of romantic love into three categories:  

 • lust
• attraction and  
• attachment    

Lust     

And what they identified through their research is that lust is literally driven by the hormones testosterone and estrogen. 

After the period, that initial period of, and you know it, it’s that feeling when you get the butterflies in your stomach...   

The Buzz  

Please find the remaining show notes and links on our website. 

Click the title on the home page to open episode 12 https://podcast.yourcaseforlove.com


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