Gathering Gold Sheryl Paul and Victoria Russell

Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair. 
This is the rhythm of all close relationships—even the relationship between Sheryl and Victoria, as we discuss (gingerly, with care) in today’s episode.
In any relationship, if we get close enough, we will eventually experience a rupture. We make mistakes, we let each other down, we hurt, and then, with courage, self-awareness, and a foundation of love, we can heal. 
Yet it is no small task to skillfully traverse ruptures and repairs. As Sheryl explains in today’s episode, “we become de-sensitized to the experience of a guarded heart, and we skirt away from doing whatever is required to bring us back to full trust and full closeness.” 
Through deeply personal stories of her own experiences in this realm, Sheryl shares some of the guiding principles that can help us to navigate our differences with honesty and love, and find our way back to each other. 
References:
Being Well podcast episode with Sue Johnson
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness

The wild has been banished, pushed to the edges of civilization, pushed to the edges of psyche. Wolves and coyotes, bears and bobcats, rage and sexuality and messiness and imperfection have all been relegated to the outskirts.
We long for wildness. We long for freedom and aliveness, creativity and authenticity. 
And yet, we might also fear wildness—the way it can control us. The way we can burn others and be burned by it.
How do we get in touch with our wild parts, and integrate them with the rest of us? How do we find healthy containers in which to explore our creativity, our dreams, our true voice, our boundaries?
This is what we are exploring in today’s episode.
References:
Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Tell All the Truth but Tell It Slant, Emily Dickinson
Doubt (2008) 
Everything Belongs podcast episode: "The First Half of Life"
Silvy Khoucasian (Relationship Coach): Instagram handle 
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In today’s episode, we hear a very special guest’s story of managing fertility anxiety while trying to conceive for many months. Sarah shares her experience of desperately wanting to get pregnant and deeply fearing it would never happen.
Along the way, we discuss finding supportive healthcare providers, learning to navigate sex when trying to conceive, meeting our own or our partner’s ambivalence about parenthood, and more.
Sarah Koestner is a transformational life coach who was a beloved moderator on Sheryl’s online forum for many years. You can learn mare about her and her coaching work at www.sarahkoestner.com/
References:
Pachamama 
Perennials Episode: True Love with Sarah Koestner

In today's episode, Sheryl reflects on the liminal time between winter and spring, and the way that this season emphasizes a certain truth about life: that joy and grief are intimately, irrevocably connected. That we experience not grief, then joy, not life, then death, but all of it, together, always. 
"We think linearly--but maybe, that's not how time, and grief, and memory co-exist. And it's spring that reveals these cross-sections."
References:
Sheryl's blog post "Fear Distorts Perception"
 

The spring equinox is a moment of symmetry and balance; the sun sits exactly above the equator, and we experience an equal amount of daylight and darkness.
In today’s episode, Sheryl shares her thoughts on the spiritual experience of symmetry, and how fractals in nature convince her that this world is one of not only chaos, but also order—and why that matters so much to highly sensitive people.
We also discuss the yin and yang nature of seasons, the beauty in asymmetry, and how a healthy relationship with rituals and repetition can help us find and make meaning. 
References:
Quote from Madeleine L’Engle's A Swiftly Tilting Planet.
Nature journal article “Why Symmetry Matters,” by Mario Livio
The Age of Adeline (2015)
Groundhog Day (1993)
How Stuff Works article "Why Do We Get So Much Pleasure from Symmetry?" by Dave Roos
The Accidental Universe: The World You Thought You Knew, by Alan Lightman

Today’s episode was inspired by a recent post that Sheryl shared on Instagram about trauma collisions in longterm relationships.
In this conversation, we explore what trauma collisions are (and are not), how they differ from arguments, and how we can become more mindful and skillful in responding to them. 
Sheryl underscores the role of self-awareness in uncovering the understory of a trauma collision, finding compassion for ourselves and our partners, and creating new, healthier patterns. 
We discuss demon dances, childhood wounds, and the core human longing for both separateness and intimacy.
References:
Sheryl’s IG post about trauma collisions
Love and Awakening, John Welwood
Essay “Intimate Relationship as Transformative Path” by John Welwood
A Little Book on the Human Shadow, Robert Bly
Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT)
Attachment theory
Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson
Sue Johnson’s workbooks and video series
Rilke quote about those in marriage being "the guardian of the other's solitude.”