It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People TruStory FM

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan continue their "Bringing It to Life" series with special guest Elaine Richardson, a solicitor and mediator from the UK. Continuing their conversation from the previous episode, they dive deep into the challenges of managing high conflict personalities in family law and mediation, offering practical strategies for professionals and individuals alike.
Identifying High Conflict PersonalitiesThey discuss the importance of considering three possibilities when faced with accusations of high conflict behavior: the allegation may be true, it may be a projection, or both parties may be engaging in high conflict behavior. They emphasize the need for professionals to maintain an open mind and avoid blindly believing one party's claims.
Navigating High Conflict Clients and MediationElaine shares her experiences as a solicitor and mediator, highlighting the importance of setting clear boundaries with high conflict clients. She discusses strategies for managing difficult situations, such as challenging clients when necessary and recognizing the "personality in waiting" that may emerge during the process.
Effective Communication StrategiesBill talks again about the BIFF (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm) communication method as a tool for managing high conflict interactions. He explains how using BIFF can help de-escalate tensions and encourage mirror behavior from the other party. Elaine and Bill also discuss the importance of focusing on behavior rather than labels when addressing high conflict individuals.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can professionals identify high conflict personalities?What strategies can solicitors and mediators use to manage high conflict clients?How can individuals communicate effectively with high conflict people?What role does setting boundaries play in managing high conflict situations?Key Takeaways:
Maintain an open mind when faced with accusations of high conflict behaviorSet clear boundaries with high conflict clientsUse BIFF communication to de-escalate tensions and encourage positive mirror behaviorFocus on behavior rather than labels when addressing high conflict individualsBe prepared for the "personality in waiting" to emerge during the processThis episode of It's All Your Fault offers invaluable insights for professionals and individuals navigating the challenges of high conflict personalities in family law and mediation. Bill, Megan, and Elaine provide practical strategies and real-world examples that listeners can apply to their own situations, making this a must-listen episode for anyone seeking to manage high conflict interactions more effectively.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSBIFF for LawyersOur New World of Adult BulliesTRAININGNew Ways for MediationHigh-Conflict Mediation Lecture and DemonstrationMediation in Domestic Violence CasesCOACHINGShared Parenting Scotland (coaching + class for anyone in the UK)Pre-mediation coaching(for anyone prior to mediating)Workplace coaching (for executives/leaders; employees; HR; anyone)ARTICLESThe CARS MethodHow to Write a BIFF Response®Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:33) - Part 2 with Elaine Richardson
(01:46) - Approaching a Potential High Conflict Mediation Case
(05:55) - Three Possibilities of the Case
(10:22) - When Your Client Is High Conflict
(19:46) - Handling High Conflict Between Lawyers
(27:42) - New Law in UK
(32:16) - Shared Parenting Scotland
(34:59) - Wrap Up
(36:19) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Workplace Conflict

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Poll Results, Case Studies, and Strategies: Navigating High Conflict Mediation
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan kick off a new periodic series called "Bring It to Life," where they dive into real-life case studies and provide practical strategies for navigating high conflict situations. They also share the results of recent polls on child custody and women in marriage. Joined by special guest Elaine Richardson, a family solicitor from the UK, Bill and Megan explore the challenges of mediating cases involving high conflict personalities.
Revealing Poll Results and Introducing "Bring It to Life"
Bill and Megan begin the episode by discussing the results of two recent polls conducted on their website. The first poll focuses on child custody, revealing insights into the perspectives of family law professionals and family members. The second poll explores the topic of women and marriage, shedding light on the experiences and opinions of their listeners.
Following the poll results, Bill and Megan introduce their new series, "Bring It to Life," where they will examine real-life case studies to provide listeners with practical advice and strategies for handling high conflict situations.
Navigating the Complexities of High Conflict Mediation
In the first installment of "Bring It to Life," Bill and Megan, along with Elaine Richardson, delve into a specific case study involving a high conflict personality in mediation. They discuss the challenges posed by individuals who engage in manipulative behavior, cause delays, and create difficulties for mediators and legal professionals. By examining this real-life scenario, they offer valuable insights and techniques for preventing further delays and effectively managing high conflict personalities in mediation.
The episode also explores the concept of hybrid mediation, with Elaine explaining how it differs from traditional family mediation in the UK. Bill and Megan highlight the benefits of having lawyers present during mediation sessions and emphasize the importance of maintaining confidentiality throughout the process.
Recognizing and Addressing Bullying Behavior
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing projection and bullying behavior in high conflict cases. Bill and Megan share their expertise on recognizing these behaviors and provide strategies for negotiating with individuals who exhibit them. They stress the importance of understanding the spectrum of bullying behaviors, ranging from reputation smearing to more extreme cases of violence and destruction.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What do the recent poll results reveal about child custody and women in marriage?How can mediators and legal professionals effectively handle high conflict personalities in mediation?What are the advantages of hybrid mediation compared to traditional family mediation?How can one recognize and address projection and bullying behavior in high conflict cases?What strategies can be employed when negotiating with individuals who exhibit bullying behavior?Key Takeaways:
The poll results provide valuable insights into perspectives on child custody and women in marriage.High conflict personalities can significantly impact the mediation process, causing delays and challenges.Hybrid mediation offers benefits by involving lawyers in the mediation process.Recognizing and understanding the spectrum of bullying behaviors is essential for effective negotiation.Mediators should educate parties on their options and consequences while maintaining confidentiality and managing expectations.This episode of It's All Your Fault offers a wealth of information and practical advice for anyone dealing with high conflict personalities in mediation or legal settings. By sharing poll results, introducing the "Bring It to Life" series, and discussing real-life case studies, Bill and Megan provide listeners with valuable insights and strategies to navigate these challenging situations

Welcome to another insightful discussion with Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter as they welcome mediator Sonja Wood. Bill and Megan chat with Sonja about her fascinating journey from chemistry to mediation. Sonja discusses her experiences facing discrimination and a lack of conflict training in Europe that pushed her to study mediation. She shares navigating cultural differences working across countries and her transition to life in Texas. Bill and Megan are keen to learn how Sonja utilizes high conflict methods like BIFF in her work.
Sonja reflects on encountering closed doors trying to address issues at her former company and deciding to gain conflict resolution skills instead. She took German mediation training before attaining Texas certification and specializing in civil and business mediation. Sonja values continuing education, most recently in positive psychology. Bill and Megan admire Sonja actively supporting mediation across the Lone Star State in volunteer work and through her Texas Association of Mediators chairship.
Whether considering mediation or dealing with disputes yourself, tune in for valuable insight on constructive resolution from this esteemed guest. Sonja's perseverance achieving success across cultures proves issues are solvable when approached with understanding, like the high conflict methods advocated by the High Conflict Institute.
Links & Other Notes
Guest Website:  Sonja Wood websiteBOOKSBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationMediating High Conflict DisputesARTICLESShould Workplace Conflicts use Mediation?Don’t Ask “Why?” Ask “What’s Your Proposal?”POLLSMarriage and WomenJoint Custody vs. Sole Child CustodyOur website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:40) - Mediation with Sonja Wood
(02:34) - Sonja and Mediation
(16:52) - Coming to the US
(18:14) - Challenges Finding Training
(20:05) - Types of Mediation
(24:01) - High Conflict Mediation
(25:36) - BIFF
(30:21) - Tips for New Mediators
(32:24) - Wrap Up
(33:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Poll Results!

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Navigating High Conflict Personalities in the Workplace
In this episode of "It's All Your Fault", Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Cherolyn Knapp to answer listener questions about dealing with high conflict personalities at work. As experts in the field of high conflict resolution, Bill and Megan provide valuable insights and strategies for managing challenging workplace interactions.
Identifying and Responding to High Conflict BehaviorThe hosts and their guest discuss how high conflict individuals may present in the workplace, noting that they don't always yell or argue overtly. Passive-aggressive behavior, spreading rumors, and sabotaging others are common tactics used by high conflict personalities. Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of recognizing these behaviors and offer techniques for responding effectively, such as using "EAR" statements (empathy, attention, respect) to connect with the person and defuse the situation.
Supporting Targets of High Conflict BehaviorMegan, Bill, and Cherolyn address a listener's question about feeling unsupported when targeted by a high conflict individual at work. They acknowledge the pain and difficulty of such situations and provide guidance on how to cope. The hosts suggest looking at personal choices and options, seeking support from others, and considering whether the current work environment is ultimately sustainable for one's well-being.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can I protect my team from a high conflict individual in another department?What does high conflict behavior look like when it's not overt yelling or arguing?How can I get support when I'm being targeted by a high conflict person at work?What role do enablers play in perpetuating high conflict behavior?Key Takeaways:
High conflict behavior isn't always loud and aggressive; it can be passive-aggressive, such as spreading rumors or sabotaging others.Using "EAR" statements (empathy, attention, respect) can help defuse high conflict situations and connect with the person.When targeted by a high conflict individual, it's important to assess your choices and options, and seek support.Enablers, whether supervisors, coworkers, or something else, can perpetuate high conflict behavior by siding with the high conflict person.This episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for navigating the challenges of high conflict personalities in the workplace. Whether you're a manager looking to protect your team or an individual feeling targeted by a high conflict coworker, Bill, Megan, and Cherolyn’s expertise can help you identify problematic behaviors, respond effectively, and prioritize your well-being.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSOur New World of Adult BulliesBIFF at Work: Your Guide to Difficult Workplace CommunicationsIt’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict PeopleTRAININGRegister for New Ways for Work Training (for coaches, HR, EAP, and others who help people resolve conflict in the workplace)April 8 and 10 (12pm - 4pm Pacific)October 21 and 23 (2pm - 6pm Pacific)COACHING & CONSULTATIONNew Ways for Work Coaching (for employees or anyone in the workplace)Consulting (for management or for anyone wanting in-depth consultation on your unique case)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:34) - Welcome Back Cherolyn
(03:05) - Listener Question #1: Dealing With a Workplace Bully
(09:38) - EAR Statements and Connecting
(11:57) - What to Say
(13:57) - How High Conflict ‘Presents’
(17:04) - Passive Aggressive
(19:36) - How to Deal With Them
(23:43) - Dealing With Abuse Enablers
(29:56) - New Ways for Work
(36:50)

Is Sole Custody Ever Warranted Over Joint Custody?
In this episode, Bill and Megan dive into the controversial topic of sole custody versus joint custody in divorce and child custody matters. They aim to answer the question: Is sole custody ever warranted, or is the principle of equal time with both parents always the best policy?
Presumptions for Joint Custody vs. Sole CustodyBill explains that throughout the United States and most industrialized countries, there's a belief that both parents should be significantly involved with the children, generally called joint physical custody. However, he emphasizes that 80% of divorcing and separating parents don't use the courts to make their parenting decisions, as they're able to do it on their own. Sole custody, on the other hand, is only considered when there's a problem, such as when a parent has a personality disorder or exhibits high conflict behavior.
The Impact of Personality Disorders on ChildrenBill discusses the impact of personality disorders on children, citing research that shows children exposed to a parent with a personality disorder without the benefit of another parent to soften that can experience emotional difficulties six times higher. In these cases, having sole custody with a more reasonable parent may be necessary for the child's mental health. However, Bill believes that children should still have some contact with both parents, even if it's limited.
Navigating High Conflict Custody CasesMegan and Bill explore how a parent being dragged into court or reported to child services can navigate these situations. They emphasize the need for courts to be more aware of the presence and dynamics of personality disorders and the lack of change in these individuals. Bill also cautions against putting the decision-making responsibility on the children, as it can be a terrible idea to put them in that position.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Is sole custody ever warranted, or is joint custody always the best policy?How does a parent being dragged into court or reported to child services navigate these situations?Why is it a bad idea for courts to ask children about their preference for who they want to live with?How can parents and professionals be educated about having multiple perspectives in high conflict cases?What skills can parents and children learn to help with high conflict situations?Key Takeaways:
Sole custody should only be considered when there's a problem, such as a parent with a personality disorder or high conflict behavior.Children exposed to a parent with a personality disorder without another parent to soften that can experience significant emotional difficulties.Courts need to be more aware of the presence and dynamics of personality disorders and the lack of change in these individuals.Putting the decision-making responsibility on children in custody cases can be a terrible idea.Teaching parents and children skills such as flexible thinking, managed emotions, and moderate behavior can help with high conflict situations.This episode provides valuable insights into the complex world of high conflict custody cases and offers practical advice for parents and professionals navigating these situations. By exploring the nuances of sole custody versus joint custody and discussing the impact of personality disorders on children, Bill and Megan shed light on a topic that affects many families going through divorce or separation.
Links & Other Notes
POLLTake our anonymous poll here: Poll: Joint vs. Sole Custody PollARTICLESConfirmation Bias: Getting it Backwards in High Conflict DisputesCOURSESNew Ways for Families® Counselor TrainingNew Ways for Families® Coaches Training for the Online ClassNew Ways for Life™ Instructor TrainingNew Ways for Families Online Class + Coaching (for parents)NWFL for kidsBOOKSDon’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Reclaim Y

Are Women Happier Married or Divorced?
In this thought-provoking episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex topic of women's happiness in marriage. They explore recent research and articles that suggest women should get divorced to find happiness, and then offer their own insights and experiences to provide a balanced perspective.
Examining the ClaimsBill and Megan start by discussing a book that claims 70% of divorces are initiated by women who are tired, fed up, and unhappy in their marriages. However, they point out that there are many reasons women may file for divorce first, and it doesn't necessarily mean they are more unhappy than men. They also note that while women historically have done more housework and childcare, many men today are stepping up as equal partners and caregivers.
Finding Balance and HappinessThe hosts emphasize that happiness is possible both within marriage and while being single. They stress the importance of being a whole person, making good choices in partners, and developing strong relationship skills. Bill shares statistics showing that the vast majority of married women, especially those with children, report being happy in their marriages. However, they acknowledge that being a single parent is often the most challenging situation.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Are women happier being married or divorced?What factors contribute to women's happiness in relationships?How are gender roles and expectations changing in modern marriages?What relationship skills are essential for a happy marriage?Key Takeaways:
Both men and women can be happy married or singleRelationship skills are crucial for success in marriage and other areas of lifeMarried women, especially those with children, report high levels of happinessSingle parenting is often the most challenging situationIt's important to be a whole person and make good choices in partnersThis episode offers a nuanced look at the complex question of women's happiness in marriage. By examining recent claims, sharing personal experiences, and diving into statistics, Bill and Megan provide valuable insights and perspective. Listeners will come away with a better understanding of the factors that contribute to happiness in relationships and the importance of developing strong relationship skills.
Links & Other Notes
POLLTake our anonymous poll here: Marriage and Women Poll BOOKSDating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life HellGenerations: The Real Differences Between Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, Boomers, and Silents―and What They Mean for America's FutureARTICLESWomen are Divorcing and Finally Finding HappinessWho is Happiest? Married Mothers and Fathers, Per the Latest General Social SurveyTo Be Happy, Marriage Matters More Than Career (NY Times article)Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:35) - Women’s Thoughts About Marriage
(01:18) - Women Should Get Divorced to Find Happiness?
(10:56) - Finding the Balance
(15:03) - Statistics
(19:04) - Relationship Skills
(24:27) - Last Thoughts
(26:04) - Poll
(27:05) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Child Custody

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