Imperfect Mens Club Mark Aylward & Jim Gurule

Mark begins with self awareness and the flywheel of life - How we respond to things now versus when we were younger
Jim shares his thoughts on the wheel and self awareness. “We grow bitter or we grow better”
He say we work hard not to grow into the bitter old man
Jim shares his “only in San Francisco” story. Parking meters and silly parking laws. “Only in San Francisco”
Mark comments after laughing about how upside down San Francisco is right now
Jim laughs at how he responded to the crazy - over emotional
Mark gets into the laughter and jokes about San Fran being bizarro world
Mark shares his Honda driving story and how competitive he used to be
Both guys agree that conflict is more dangerous now
Mark - “I used to lose m y shit in my car”
Mark shares his car conflict - “Merry Christmas”
Mark talks about pausing and  readdressing how he responds to other drivers now
Jim reflects again on his parking ticket story
They both laugh again at “only in San Francisco”
Mark says “all this shit’s a choice”. You either make your choices or you give your choices away…and that is also a choice
Self awareness makes you happier. You don’t have control over much
Jim says being self aware allows you to calm things down. It’s a sign of good leadership
Both guys think we are moving away from woke and back toward free speech
Mark quotes Scott Galloway’s Ted talk and “Do you love Your Kids”
Jim says our future leaders need to change the narrative - Stop scaring and misleading the kids
M ark says Biden is compromised across the board
Jim says more people are liking Trump because he speaks from his heart - not scripted
Mark says the election is going to be interesting
He says we are getting distracted from root causes and distracted with propaganda
Mark says the Dems are propping up abortion because it works. And there are maybe 10 topics more important than that. Safety, economy, border, etc…
Mark uses “the river to the sea” example. What river?  What sea?
Jim had a young man change his perspective about the protests today. The young people today don’t know what they are protesting and many of the protesters are paid agitators
Our young people have been scared, misled and screwed by Covid. There anger and frustration is almost justified. They got a shit sandwich
Mark says it’s still just “other things” and they’re still just choices
Jim brings up the frat boys who raised the flag and then a go-fund me to the tune of half a mil
Mark brings up pausing in response to negative emotions
Jim shares his dinner story with some Disney related folks and how Disney is aggressively moving away from woke. The biggest box offices are pro America movies
Mark says we will continue to hear things that don’t make sense while Biden is still in office
Mark talks about the value of focus, objectivity and respect in having challenging conversations
You have to hold people accountable to what they say and do
Jim says capitalism fixes things. The market dictates what people will do eventually
Then he brings up Bud Light, Target and Planet Fitness as examples of wokeness backfiring
Mark says life is a meritocracy. Sports is life and it’s great for kids. Work ethic, consistency, respect…These messages work everywhere
Jim mentions the San Francisco government school entity that is going bankrupt. Enrollment dropped
Different testing for different races…it’s a comedy show
Florida and California are different planets. Jim says where he lives might as well be Texas or Florida
Mark says that why many laws belong down at the local level
Mark ends with self awareness, choices, how you respond to thing - you are regaining control over your happiness
Jim says if you ever go to San Fran…remember to turn your wheels

Mark introduces the topic in the context of self awareness, which then leads to self evaluation of, in this case, communication skills
He talks about generational differences, social media and a “laziness” that he sees creeping into our communication
Jim agrees and goes deeper into the generational distinction. He believes that younger people are too sensitive to words. Almost like they set booby traps for us. He feels that we are also confusing people by mixing up words and phrases. It’s ours to help them reframe positions
Jim brings up the Palestinian/Israeli conflict and the UNC “frat boys” who refuse to let the American Flag be lowered
Mark shares his feedback on “the river to the sea” and how misguided some of these young people are
Mark shares how similar he and his girlfriend are simply because they were born during the same year. He goes on to talk about the word “Oriental” and his experience with this “slur” in his yoga class
Words are getting bastardized. Jim calls hem the “thought police”
Mark brings up Jordan Peterson. How well he listens and how effective he is with his pause before responding. He also holds people accountable to his words, not their interpretation of his words
Jim brings up the difference between being nice and being kind
Jim says there are a lot of complainers out there now.  Nobody likes a complainer…they tolerate them. No one will stick around complainers long term. They tolerate and move away. Complainers want to complain without consideration of a resolution
Mark brings up the strategy of using questions to disarm. I don’t know, I’m pretty sure, I feel, I think, I know…these are very different phrases… that mean very different things
Jim likes smart people, regardless of group affiliation.  Mark adds the importance of kindness as well
Mark says try to not focus on winning or being right. Also too many people are too easily offended
Mark talks about the power and danger of groups
Jim shares a couple of stories. One about privilege. What is it and why is it important or not so much?
The second about protesting in the 60’s versus today. That today’s protesters don’t seem to know much about why they’re protesting or what they’re protesting. Jim says young people are mad because they got shit on (Covid, etc…)
Mark says we allow too much complaining.  It’s about how you respond, to what happens to you
Jim brings the flywheel back in
Mark talks about leading conversations with questions and don’t try to change minds or be “right”
Jim’s quotes “To get what you want, give people what they want”
Begin with what success looks like
Fear drives much of our behavior…Try to find out what those fears are
Be respectful
Past present and future are all factors
Be transparent and work hard to create clarity

Mark introduces the idea of moving from where you are to where you want to be. How we are tempted to stay in our comfort zone and how our focus in men. We are attempting to help men get more comfortable with being vulnerable. He goes on to lay out the possible paths of staying “comfortable” versus striving for more
Jim jumps in and brings in our flywheel and the notion that most of this comes down to self awareness.  Jim talks about listening to a recent podcast with Tim Ferris where he discusses his current place in life and how different it is from his younger days
Mark uses Jim as an example of someone who strives for more. You either choose to get better or you stay comfortable
Jim returns the compliment to Mark as being aspirational as well
Mark talks about never getting rid of fear, but continuing to try to overcome it.  Once you move into fear, things start moving forward. He suggest’s that progress I not linear
The guys are using a graphic that shows stage of growth  comfort - fear - learning -growth
They bring Tim Ferris back into the discussion and how he focuses now on quality and not quantity. People and not money
Mark brings up the Harvard Study of men and their happiness
Jim quotes Ferris “think of projects as experiments”. It’ll never be perfect…just put it out there
It’s about content, not polish. Mark shares his editing approach - simple and quick
Jim shares some more about the future of podcasting and Mark shares his point of view
Mark brings up Tim Ferris’ “Tools Of Titans” and Jim talks about how he loves to interview people
The guys disagree on the notion of defining what success looks like and then discover it’s not a disagreement, it’s a misunderstanding. After clarification - good point. Let’s agree on what success means or what words mean before we move forward
The guys go back and dig into the graphic. They are seeing it from two different vantage points and the discussion brings context. After contextualizing things the guys agree and the discussion progresses and gets interesting
Jim brings back up the previous episode and dopamine and adds that as context   Dopamine hits come from fear and excitement among the things
Mark recalls their  just put it outconversation they had about having nothing and having everything   Jim expresses some “envy” about Mark uncertain future and Mark returns the favor. Both guys share their perspectives about having everything and nothing
They move in to a discussion of risk and the notion of moving from comfort to fear and purpose and the reality that life moves back and forth The value of hanging out with interesting people and developing the ability to solve problems.
Jim goes back to the graphic.  Mark brings his faith and what he is supposed to give back. His purpose is being of service
The topic of goals comes up. Mark thinks of metrics and how he doesn’t like specific goals. Now he sets process and consistency goals. Jim likes the word ‘objectives”
Mark says goals are specific numbers and objectives are destinations. Interesting discussion
Mark says he thinks you have to have aspirations
Jim suggests that maybe it’s a mindset. He feels like he’s moved from what “he” wants and what “we” want. The guys talk about how sports and sales drove their goal driven somewhat selfish actions, which drove success, but maybe wasn’t the best way to be
Mark tells the story about his most recent coach/program and his evolution around this concept - we all have a judge of ourselves, others and circumstances. The other side is your sage. Fascinating stuff
Jim brings up a few of his experiences with some other “next level” guys - self awareness
Mark says he feels like he is reacting to both his stage in life and the circumstances around him   He feels an obligation to help.  Jim agrees. “You have an obligation to let that out”. He circles back to the graphic. It won’t be perfect, 
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Mark starts off with the topics of personal responsibility, self accountability and pride and how they stem from self awareness
He talks about his older brother’s background and a story he shared with him
Mark wrote an article about the story and then thought it would make a great episode
Jim liked the article and agrees that we all fuck up.  Jim has his own story he’ll share too
Mark reminds the audience that The Imperfect Mens Club has a newsletter on LinkedIn
Mark shares his younger brother’s circumstances as the real root of this topic and explains why
Mark starts to tell the story
It’s about an F-15 pilot that his brother flew with and a situation he got himself into
It involves a mission and what happened when it was coming to an end and it was time to go home
He loses track of his fuel consumption and is faced with a few choices
The guys comment back and forth speculating about what he’s thinking and his options
Mark shares his opinion on the emotion of the moment and how the pilot’s mind was working in the decision making process
Jim offers his opinion on what might have been going on in the pilots head and the reflects on how we all have these moments and how we choose to respond
Jim begins to share his story of being the guy who picked up the phone for his buddy and his divorce
Mark shares his Will Rogers quote and how we should live our lives
Mark’s divorce story comes up and the guys go back and forth with compare and contrast
How we process big problems and the myriad of emotions.  Shame, fear, pride, apology repercussions
Mark’s dad ’s life lesson “What do you do when an engine catches on fire?”
Mark talks about what happens when bad things confront you for the first time
The guys shift to how hard, but good it is to apologize when you really fucked up
Jim brings his friend back up - he had to apologize to his daughter
Mark says it’s hard for him to apologize
Mark relates this concept to projects in business and his experience with people not sharing mistakes until it’s “to late”
They go back to the pilot story and speculate on what happened to him after he landed and what could have been
Jim reminds us from the last episode about the three calls he took from three different guys struggling with the same issue
Jim then recounts a time he was struggling with depression and made a call. He gets a little emotional recalling the story
We all get punched in the nuts - when you take one of these calls you lead with empathy
Mark says we all make these calls and we all take these calls - the power of questions…”What’s going on”
Jim brings back up his call from his friend yesterday who’s in this bad divorce
Jim digs into marriage and how it’s the only license that doesn’t renew or expire - very interesting
Jim essentially helped his friend reframe the situation. Was it a failure or a success that came to an end?
Mark says when you admit to your mistake you gain respect
Apologizing, I fucked up, I don’t know what to do…
Jim says it’s also a cleansing. It flushes out and you become a better person
When you hold on to a fuck up it eats you alive
Jim says that’s what disease is
Mark connects stress to disease
Mark reminds listeners about the IMC newsletter on LinkedIn and encourage listeners to check it out
Jim repeats the connection to LinkedIN and how LinkedIn is melding with personal and professional development
Mark agrees - this melding breeds empathetic leadership among other things - Professional you is personal you
Mark goes back and summarizes the pilot story and asks, “what happens when he goes home?”

Mark introduces mindfulness as the topic and says he believes people who practice mindfulness are by nature self aware. He also suggests that most people are not self aware
Jim agrees and mentions the current mental health crisis
Jim reflects on his current state. He feels like he has a grey cloud over him
Loneliness is real
Mark talks about how divided we are. Mark says there are a lot of factors today, including Covid and the current wars going on
Mark shares how he responds to negative emotion
Jim brings up suicide - 55,000 per year - 80% are men
Mark brings up Jordan Petersons position on it being a mans world
Jim brings in dopamine - external and internal influences that impact our levels of dopamine. He cites a study that says men lose as much as 50% of their dopamine levels as they age
Jim brings up a few things that can help with  dopamine
Mark mentions George Mumford and Andrew Huberman as experts in this stuff
Both guys share some ideas that they know about and or use to stay mindful and raise dopamine. Mark shares his morning routine and expands on his Wim Hof breathing routine and his meditation routine
Jim mentions that he’s reading George Mumford’s latest book about his work with high performance athletes. He uses the term “second wind”
Mark brings up Wim Hof’s position that we are all capable of far more than we think
Jim shares more about Mumford’s book
Mark reminds us of the “you either get bitter or you can get better”. He says he sustains his good habits because he chooses things that he likes, don’t take much time and are simple
Jim tells his story about his latest patent approval process that made him feel better for a few days
Mark shares some dopamine “hacks” from and article Jim found - good versus bad dopamine
Mark shares his yoga experience - why he started and how it helps him
Mark goes back to the topic of loneliness. You can be lonely in the company of other people. He was very lonely during the last few years of his marriage
Jim brings up how boredom can do the same thing
Mark shares how a major reason people leave jobs is no longer learning new things
Mark feels like boredom makes him think lazy - If you’re bored just do something positive - move, walk, get some sun…
It’s helpful to consistently celebrate small wins
Developing a growth mindset - turn your failures into learning opportunities
Mark shares how helpful his current morning routine has beed to his happiness
He shares how important exercise has been for him
Mark ends with some encouragement about how many simple, free, quick tools are available if you just look
Jim ends with the importance of hydration and breathing
Mark shares his hydration protocol and ends by saying that all of this stuff is free, simple and easy to do
 
 

Mark introduces the topic of confidence and mentions Jim’s pre-show comment about getting older and feeling less able to impact his future or the overall future of “things”
Mark mentions how anxious he felt at his 60th birthday party and how he feels like his cause of that same feeling is age but also because the world is crazier now too
Jim starts by sharing his thoughts about his struggles with confidence and his ability to make an impact
He cites AI, division and media as sources of his “dark cloud”
Mark brings up leadership and that we don’t have many leaders.  Jim agrees and both guys express their disappointment in our current President.
Jim brings up the LSU/Iowa national anthem issue as an example of us not going in the right direction
Jim compares leadership to parenting…it’s modeling
Mark says good leaders are selfless and their words and actions are the same.  He says our current leaders are saying and doing different things
Then they bring back up the LSU/Iowa issue. Jim mentions the LSU head coach and asks Mark for more details. Mark say the media is stoking the racism component
Mark suggests that our kids are not confident about our future and the anxiety it creates
Mark talks about his childhood and how he doesn’t remember being anxious as a kid
Jim cites the hypocrisy of one side being criticized and the other not
Mark brings up history and how this generation doesn’t know history
Jim says we’re rewriting history
Mark brings up the Francis Scott Key bridge collapse
The obsession with dividing us - affects our confidence in our future
Mark asks why this is happening - control. Covid was control. The election fraud was control
What about confidence in the US dollar
Mark shifts to “what do we do about this?”  He goes inside and brings up his faith.  A higher power
Jim brings up the Easter holiday and what it means. He asks Mark’s opinion  from his Catholic background Mark talks about his faith
Mark feels compelled to help the people around him with their confidence
Mark talks about wisdom versus knowledge and the constitution
Jim tells two stories about calls he had last week with two younger people struggling with confidence and certainty. Completely unrelated with almost the exact same questions. “There’s something going on in the air right now”. What’s next?
A lack of confidence in our leaders and future
The guys bring up how they coach people up with their confidence with answers and advice
Success breeds confidence
Mark talks about how he regains his own confidence
Jim says we seek out “trusted” leaders. He bring the Wheel up on his screen and we talk about the 5 parts of life. Todays discussion falls into the Worldview category
Jim tells his story about his coaching call from last week and how he leveraged our wheel in his coaching
Mark says the wheel helps with any kind of coaching
We’re all in this together - everyone has issues. It’s about smoothing the ups and downs. Hopefully going up overall
Jim mentions “alignment” and talks about how isolated we’ve become.  The world needs everybody
Mark mentions the Harvard study of men and what makes men happy.  The number and depth of their friendships
The division today isolates and that makes us unhappy. The unknown is the worst. Uncertainty takes our confidence away
Jim thinks the devices (phones) have contributed to our isolation
Mark speak to how deep the division is based on your political choices
Mark shares his confidence ups and downs and how he gets it back
Jim brings up the word indifference and Mark’s word is apathy. The opposite of love is not hate,  It’s apathy
Jim think young people are becoming indifferent and it’s concerning
Mark mentions having a loved one who is hopeless and he’s trying to help
Jim struggles to remember a quote about hope:)
Gift somebody hope for the future
Mark says find somebody you can help with their confidence toda