Living Free Joyfully Kim McAuley

So, I went from having two dates per week to having only two dates this year. Why the sudden change? I had a “boo-thang” and wanted to be in a real relationship. He tried to keep it as is. So, I decided to pursue what I wanted. Deciding to leave hurt me, and I didn't realize how much. So, I tried to date, but I wasn’t up to it. I gave dating a little break. Now I feel fully ready to jump back into the dating pool but with some changes. I'm going outside!

Overall, dating has been fun and exciting. I have met some great guys and some dusty crusties. But recently, I fell into a dusty man trap. I usually don’t dwell too much on unpleasant experiences, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s how I fell into a dusty-man trap.







I always protect the innocent, so I’ll call this guy Gary. Sorry to anyone named Gary. It’s not personal. I have five things a guy must meet before I decide to go on a date with him. 







* Christian* Have a job* Have a car* Have his own place to stay* No more than 1 child, but preferably none







How it Started







I mentioned those criteria because I went out on two dates with a guy who didn’t meet any of them unbeknownst to me. He was a dusty man. Let’s start at the beginning. I met Gary back in the early part of the year. We messaged and talked for a few weeks, but for whatever reason, we stopped talking. I don’t remember why we stopped; I remember that we did. 







Then summer hits, and I get a text from an unknown number. I respond out of curiosity. It’s Gary! We chat for a while and decide to go out. I asked why we initially stopped talking during this chatting, and he changed the subject. Looking back, that should have been my first red flag.







We had trouble finding the time to go out because I’m a busy woman. I don’t cancel the plans I already made for a date. So we talked for about two weeks before we met up. During this time, I asked all the questions to make sure he met my first date criteria. He lied, but I had no way of knowing at the time.







The Meetup







A couple of days before we are supposed to go out, he calls and says he has to see me. I said we’re supposed to go out soon, can’t you wait? He said no, he had to see me right away. This is Sunday morning, and I’m getting ready for church. I didn’t have time for a meet and greet. He kept calling and texting until I finally agreed to meet him. This should have been my second red flag.







I get ready fast and meet him at an agreed-upon location near my church. I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to invite him to the church I’m always talking about. It’s late June or early July, but it’s super hot either way. The air in my car isn’t working that well, so I’m sitting there sweating. Here comes Gary rolling up. He hops out of the vehicle in the most unflattering outfit I’ve ever seen. He had on a shirt with holes, basketball shorts, socks that didn’t entirely cover his ashy feet, and slides.







Disappointment







At this point, I’m thinking to myself, you just had to see me, and this is how you look? I’m super annoyed. He gets out of the car and saunters over like he is God’s gift to women. I purse my lips in preparation for nonsense to come out of his mouth. And it did. He starts talking about how he couldn’t wait until our date to see me.







He’s licking his crusty lips every five seconds. I was so distracted by his appearance I don’t remember what he said except that it could have waited until our date. I don’t say anything because I’m hot and annoyed. Plus, he looked dusty. I let him talk for about 5 minutes, then said I needed to leave. At this point, I’m devising a plan in my head on how to let him down quickly. But it didn’t go exactly as planned. 







Falling Into the Trap







The next day I called him. We’re keeping it light at first, talking about everything and nothing. Then I hit him with I the I’m not romantically interested, and I think we should be friends. He says cool, but he would still like to hang out. I have no idea why, but I agree. This is how I fell into the dusty-man trap. As the week progresses,

Let’s talk about being strong. Life can be overwhelming at times. There is so much to do and so little time in which to do it. The standard advice is to push through, hang in there, be strong, or you’ve got this. This advice is well-intentioned. There is nothing wrong with any of these statements. Yet, how does this help the person who is tired of hanging on? What advice does one give to the strong woman who is tired of being strong?







Stop the Platitudes







Hang in there is easy to say. It’s been so overused that it isn’t thoughtful. The advice means well, but what is the person supposed to hang onto? For how long? Why must one continue to be strong or push through? Instead of taking the easy way out, genuinely ask how to help? What service can you offer to lighten the other person’s load? Is the other person even asking for help or just venting? Yes, it may take a little longer and require more conversation but stop saying a common phrase that seems helpful and offer some benefit or valuable advice. 







Pray Strong Woman







Take the overwhelming thoughts and feelings to Yahweh in prayer. If you can’t pray because life is just too much, ask Yahweh for help. God knows what you need, and He will provide it. Find a scripture that relates to what you’re going through or how you want to overcome it and say it aloud. Praying scripture can be beneficial because you don’t have to come up with the words when your heart is heavy. Reading the scripture to yourself also allows your mind to stop thinking about everything. It forces you to focus on something else.







Ask someone you trust to pray for you. This way, you are getting the feelings out and not going through a hard time alone. Let’s bear the burdens of one another. Reach out to that prayer warrior and have them reach to Yahweh on your behalf. Then allow them to continue checking on you and praying for you and even with you. Prayer with others will foster a great relationship and shows how God always provides in our time of need.







Do One Thing







No rule says you have to do all of the things all of the time. Can you delegate some tasks to someone? Can you cut the list down to what is only necessary? If none of that is possible, do one thing. Do not worry about the list, and do one thing that will ease your mind. Is it wiping the counters but not sweeping the floor? Do that one thing. Life is messy, and we are all overwhelmed. You don’t have to do it all by tomorrow. Do the one thing that will help you get the peace you deserve.







Rest Strong Woman







What if you’re too tired or stressed even to do that one thing? Well, take this opportunity and rest. Try not to worry about what’s next or look at the big picture. Try to watch a movie or eat a delicious meal. If possible, leave the stressful environment for a few hours to do something that sparks joy. You can also take a nap and sleep the worries away. The point is to rest and do something that is not overwhelming. Rest can make all the difference. Even Yahweh took a day to relax, and He never sleeps nor slumbers. 

So we all know the story about the prodigal son. The scripture where the son demands his inheritance and goes off and squanders it then returns home. The moral of the story is that no matter how far you wander away from home, God will always be there to welcome you back with open arms. Usually, when you hear that parable, it focuses on the prodigal son. Other times the focus is the elder son who stayed. His reaction of anger and resentment is treated as a precautionary tale of what not to do. I don't often hear the perspective that while the elder son was resentful and angry, the father still offered him grace and comfort. The father tells the elder child, "...Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours." That's the power within.







Blessings







The loyal, faithful, and obedient son always had access to the inheritance. Even while rejoicing over the prodigal son's return, the father ran out to comfort and advised the elder son. The elder son had proximity, access, and his father's ear. How often do we focus on someone else's blessing when we had access to our Father the entire time? The loyal and obedient children are always in the presence of the Father. Why should those so near to God take it for granted by looking at another's blessing?







Full Access







God has placed within us a power that we have access to all of the time. While comforting the elder son, the father says, "all that is mine is yours." How often do we take our unlimited access to God and His kingdom for granted? All that is His is Ours. Lately, I've been feeling like the eldest child. I'm watching everybody else get to celebrate and bask in their blessings. While I don't begrudge anyone their just deserts, I feel a little left out. 







Which is what I imagine the elder son felt as well. Here I am in the field, working and being obedient. I watch from afar as others get celebrated and blessed, wondering when it will be my turn—forgetting that my Father is right there. I can go and talk to Him at any point in time. 







The Power Within







All I had to do was ask, and it would be given to me because He is close to me. As a matter of fact, even when I was disobedient and willfully rebellious, He still celebrated me and called me back to Him.  And I still had access to His entire kingdom to His full divinity when I returned. It seems a bit silly now. I have God, the Creator, near me, willing to comfort me, and I'm too concerned about when my blessing will come. He is always with me, including his peace, power, and might. 







Rejoice







God's power resides within me through his Holy Spirit. What shall I fear? Of whom do I have to be afraid? He is near; He inclines His ear to me. He is concerned about me. And it is through that invested power within; He can do exceedingly abundantly above anything I can ask or think. It's all because of the power within. So, we have God and His power near and in us with any obstacle, challenge, or situation we face. Remember, no matter where we are, we have full access once we come to Him. We are His, and He is ours. Let's use that power within to edify, support, and love. Our time is coming, and it'll be sooner than we think.

This year I learned more than ever that my words matter. I may have lost some things due to my inability to express what I wanted or felt. Though I may not lose those things forever, I vow never to repeat the same mistake. I have to be honest, transparent, and open. Words matter, and I will use them to speak life.







And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death. Revelations 12:11

Are you that relative that always has something to say to the single relative? Are you single and tired of those relatives that always ask you awkward questions about your love life? Here are some things to stop saying and responses to those crazy statements.