Relationship Unconscious James Tobin Ph.D.

Whether I am serving in the role of executive coach or psychotherapist, most of my clients inevitably discuss problems they are having with a narcissistic manager. Elsewhere I have described the increasing prevalence of narcissism, a trend that ironically seems to be reinforced by cultural dynamics that emphasize the self or individual instead of, and often at the expense of, the other or the group. But in this particular podcast episode, I am going to focus on addressing narcissistic problems in the workplace, specifically when the employee is saddled with the challenge of a narcissistic boss and the disconcerting and highly manipulative drama he or she will create for the employee. If you are currently in the workplace, especially if you are employed in a relatively intense or high-profile industry at a prestigious firm, your chances of encountering a narcissistic boss are, unfortunately, quite high. Here are four things you should keep in mind about your narcissistic boss.

The 11 psychiatric diagnoses that make up the Anxiety Disorders category of the current psychiatric nomenclature center on the manifestation of worry, concern about future threats, ruminations about performance and social acceptance, and avoidance behaviors; paradoxically, as these concerns are emotionally and cognitively experienced and acted on, the level of anxiety rises rather than falls. Anxiety symptoms often begin suddenly within the context of a specific event or challenging situation, yet may persist and manifest in an emerging chronic condition. Anxiety often co-occurs with depression and is linked to a variety of other conditions including substance abuse, interpersonal difficulties, and reduced performance in academic and professional settings.

Despite the notoriety of the 2016 publication of Angela Duckworth's Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, it appears that a significant contingent of contemporary adolescents is trending toward attitudes and behaviors directly opposing the value of effort and, by extension, its apparent psychological, social and emotional benefits. We would probably agree that learning from failure and disappointment is a good thing at any age, but humility comes at a cost that some youths seem reluctant to pay.

Polarization is a common dynamic among couples that is unconsciously motivated and very hard to detect. When polarization occurs in relationships, it often yields conflict, distress, and impasse, with many couples who are polarized ultimately breaking up. But if the polarization had been addressed earlier and successfully reduced, there may have been an opportunity for the relationship to flourish.

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche was a German philosopher, artist, and Latin and Greek scholar who is perhaps best known for his study of tragedy in ancient Greek mythology. Nietzsche conceptualized an important element of tragedy, the artistic depiction of human suffering. According to Nietzsche, theatre reified in spectators an appreciation of the human condition, the powerful forces that lead us astray, the dilemmas that have no solution, and the deterministic quality of flawed individual traits. Extending from these ideas, Nietzsche's concept of "eternal recurrence" denoted a sense of contentment with one's life and an acceptance of it. The notion of eternal recurrence has been linked to the Latin phrase "amor fati" which, loosely translated, means "love of fate" or "love of one's fate." It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or as meant to be, based on the origin of one's being and the many factors impacting this being.

As parents, most if not all of us probably hope that our own children will absorb the very best of us, our positive personality tendencies, our industrious habits, and our moral standards and values, and disregard the rest. The last thing we want to believe is that our worst characteristics -- a bad temper, for example, or persistent bouts of depression, or a predilection for failed relationships, will somehow be passed on to our children, troubling their existence now and into the future. But in my clinical work, it is not unusual to hear a parent describe with great concern how she is beginning to see some aspect of herself in her young child that has caused her to struggle throughout her life.