Tlmdst Alex

Nachum, nicknamed Ish Gamzu (“man gamzu” is a nickname he received because gamzu le tova answered to any, even the most sad event – “and this is for the best”) was blind, lost both arms and legs and his whole body was covered with sores. His house was dilapidated and could collapse at any moment, so the students wanted to carry him out on the bed, and then the rest of the things. But Nachum said: First take out all the things, and then me – while I am in the house, it will not collapse.

So they did – they took things out of the house, and then the bed. And the house collapsed immediately. The disciples asked:

– Teacher, if you are a righteous man, why do you suffer so much?

Nachum replied: – My children, I myself am to blame for everything. One day I was on my way to my father-in-law’s house with three donkeys: one was laden with food, the other with drink, and the third with delicacies. A poor man came up to me and asked for food. I replied: wait while I unload the donkey. But before he had time to unload the donkey, the poor man had already died. I fell face down on the ground and said: “Let my eyes go blind, which did not sympathize with your eyes. May I lose my hands that did not sympathize with your hands. Let me lose my legs that did not sympathize with your legs. ”
And I could not calm down until I said that my whole body would be covered with ulcers.

– Woe to us that we see you in such a position – answered his disciples.

“Woe to me if you didn’t see me in this position,” answered Nachum Ish gamzu (Taanit).

Two Jews, Sam and Dovid are walking down the street when they see a Church with a big sign.

“Special today! All converts will receive $1000”

They’re both intrigued and confused. Dovid says “wait out here, and I’ll go inside and find out what this all about.”

Sam agrees and sits on the bench out front. He waits one hour…two hours…three hours. Finally after 4 hours, Dovid comes out the church, no longer wearing his kippah and now adorned with a large golden cross around his neck.

Sam is stunned and asks his friend, “Dovid, what happened? Did you convert?”

“It’s actually David now, and yes, I’ve accepted Jesus as my lord and savior”

“Well, in that case, did you get the $1000?”

David angrily responds, “Money!? Is that all you Jews think about?!”