Ask Your Mother Dr. Cristie Ritz-King

This episode marks a significant shift in our podcast journey. 
When it all began in a Miami hotel room back in January 2020, little did I know how my endeavor would evolve, becoming a lifeline of connection and support for both listeners and myself during the pandemic.
Our mission for the podcast - to support and assist moms and caregivers, has remained constant throughout. We have tackled diverse questions and adapted to changing circumstances, providing support and calm in stormy times. Now, we are moving in a new direction to allow our message of love and kindness to reach a broader audience.
Rest assured, we are not going anywhere. The name will change to Am I a Bad Mom, but the essence of the podcast will remain. We will be back more frequently with weekly episodes and video recordings offering a more personal look into my life. 
Please join us as we enter the world of Am I a Bad Mom and continue exploring all your questions and challenges. 
What Am I Noticing?
A recurring theme I have been noticing lately among the women I work with is that, regardless of their success, bravery, accomplishments, or confidence, they keep on questioning if they are bad moms for various reasons. That common thread inspired me to shift the focus of our podcast. You will still find us on all the usual podcast platforms and my website under the new title, Am I a Bad Mom Podcast with Dr. Cristie Ritz-King. I invite you to subscribe, leave a review, and share with others who have asked themselves the very same question. 
Thank you for your unwavering support on this journey. It means the world to me! Know that I am sending you my love!
Links and resources:
Connect with me on my website
Women of Wonder (W.o.W) Founding Members
Information for Women of Wonder (W.o.W) Community 
W.o.W Landing Page

 
I am delighted to have a Keela Fowler joining me today to dive into a topic near and dear to both of our hearts and answer a question many of you have been curious about: what happens after losing someone you love? 
Death can be a catastrophic experience, and it is only natural to wonder when the pain will subside, when the healing will begin, and how life will continue. Keela and I share the common bond of losing our mothers, although our losses occurred at different stages of life. 
In this episode, we share our experiences, provide insights, and offer a glimpse into the complex territory of coping with life after the death of someone we love. While we cannot predict your unique journey, we hope to shed some light on the path of life after loss.
About Keela
Keela Fowler is a creative person with many different identities. She is a business strategist and former teacher, in addition to being an aunt, a sister, and a daughter who experienced an unexpected loss when her mother passed away in her sleep about five years ago. Since then, she has embarked on a learning journey while transitioning through processing her grief. 
The Benefits of Continuing Therapy  
Therapy has been a positive experience in Keela’s life. She believes that therapy can benefit everyone because it helps us learn more about ourselves and how we interact with the world and others. 
How Grief Evolves
Keela’s loss used to feel overwhelming and all-encompassing, dominating her thoughts from morning until night. However, with time, her coping strategies have shifted that perception. Loss is no longer her first and last thought each day.
Supporting Others Through Grief 
Supporting others through their grief gave Keela a deeper understanding of loss. It allowed her to grasp the uniqueness of each grief journey and realize that no one can fully understand or replicate the emotional experience of anyone else.
Choosing to Feel Differently 
We can choose to feel differently about grief. Keela grappled with the notion that letting go of the intensity of grief might betray her love for her late mother until she consciously decided to heal and move forward in life.
Self-Validation
Cultivating self-validation is essential, especially when we have nobody to offer support. Finding a healthy source of validation is a crucial aspect of healing.
Talking About Lost Loved Ones
We can keep the memory of our loved ones alive by talking about them. In doing so, we must remember the good things and discuss the fullness of who they were, including their quirks and less favorable traits. 
Coping with Grief 
After losing someone we love, we must allow the full range of emotions to wash over us. We may find it hard to explain our grief to others, so we should avoid trying to find a silver lining or making sense of things that do not make sense.
Holding Emotion and Functionality Together
It can be challenging to balance intense emotions like grief while continuing our daily tasks and responsibilities. We need to recognize that some people can be sad and grieving while still being able to fulfill all their duties.
Owning Our Emotions
The ability to own and understand our feelings is crucial when navigating grief and interpersonal relationships. 
Fear of Losing Control 
The quest for control can impede moving through grief. We must do our best to keep things stable after a significant loss and understand that we never have any control over what will happen.
Grief is Love 
It may be helpful to understand that grief is love with nowhere to go. We can still find moments of laughter and happiness, even while missing someone we love, because grief evolves and can coexist with joy.
Nurturing a Connection with the Deceased 
It may help us feel closer to our deceased loved ones if we talk to them as if they were still present or incorporate some of their qualities into our lives and interactions to carry their positive legacy forward.
Variou

Today, I aim to present a novel perspective on Halloween inspired by the numerous questions I have received.
The question we are tackling today is, what should a parent do if Halloween is not what their child wants? This issue usually centers on the apprehensions kids may feel about Halloween, kids who do not enjoy the Halloween experience, exceptional kids, or children on the spectrum. But it could also happen in kids with no diagnosable reason why Halloween would be challenging. In those situations, I always feel it is best to revert to the principles I repeatedly emphasize in explicit parenting. If you are unfamiliar with the term, explicit parenting refers to my distilled philosophy on the challenges of raising children. I purposely chose the term explicit to highlight how that kind of parenting differs from implicit, hidden, or assumed parenting methods. 
I will share my personal experiences along the way, as we explore this topic.
Understanding Co-Regulation with Children
Co-regulation involves the creation of a partnership with your child to help them manage their emotions. The first step is to know yourself and understand your triggers and expectations because self-awareness is essential for effective co-regulation. Co-regulation is the process of working together with your child to navigate their emotional world. It means being attuned to their feelings, creating a safe space for expression, and guiding them towards emotional balance. By knowing yourself and your triggers, you can provide better support and understand how your reactions can influence your child's emotional regulation.
Setting Realistic Expectations
Another crucial aspect is setting realistic expectations. Sometimes, what I envision may not be best for my child. That is why it is essential to acknowledge and accommodate their perspective. Being a supportive parent involves understanding that your child's needs and experiences may not always align with your desires or expectations. Being open to their unique perspective allows us to build a healthier and more harmonious parent-child relationship.
Active Listening and Curiosity
Active listening, or curiosity, is a cornerstone of co-regulation. Understanding your child's perspective is pivotal for building a strong parent-child bond and fostering healthy emotional development. Active listening involves not just hearing their words but also paying attention to their body language, tone of voice, and unspoken emotions. Being genuinely curious about your kids thoughts and feelings allows you to create an environment where they feel heard and understood.
Consistency, Persistence, and Explicitness
Consistency and persistence are key components of co-regulation. It is essential to be consistent and supportive when guiding our children. Co-regulation is an ongoing process that requires persistence to create a stable and reliable presence for your child. When we make mistakes or react in ways that are not helpful, it is essential to explicitly acknowledge it, apologize, and work together to repair any emotional ruptures. That teaches children that it is okay to make mistakes and struggle emotionally sometimes. It also shows them that relationships can withstand moments of imperfection.
Granting Yourself Grace
Co-regulation does not require perfection. It is natural to feel sadness or guilt when expectations do not get met. However, it is crucial to understand that it is okay to grieve our expectations and move forward with a deeper self-awareness, ultimately creating a healthier parent-child dynamic. Parents often put immense pressure on themselves to be flawless in their parenting. However, this is unrealistic and can lead to guilt and self-criticism. Granting yourself grace means acknowledging that you are doing your best, even when things do not go as planned. Grace is an act of self-compassion, helping us to understand that moments of struggle or disappointment do not define our value as paren

This podcast episode marks a new chapter as we step into the world of video for the very first time! My producer convinced me that the possibilities with video are endless, so here we are!
Today, I'm embracing a cozy vibe with my favorite Monday T-shirt and my hair freshly washed and left to its natural curls instead of the meticulous look you might be used to. Feel free to check out our YouTube channel for the video experience rather than the audio version. If there are any unexpected quirks or if I need to clarify things differently, it is all part of this exciting transition.
Today, I want to share what has been happening with the podcast. 
Finding Direction for the Podcast
Since taking a break over the summer, we have been figuring out our path forward. We began in January 2020 as Conversations with Cristie, where I discussed topics I could not address in my psychotherapy practice. Therapy is about not giving advice, and this podcast gave me a chance to offer some guidance mixed with personal anecdotes. Now, as Ask Your Mother, we aim to answer all the questions you might want to ask a parent or mentor but don't feel comfortable asking.
Tuning In to Your Inner Self
One of the core questions we explore today is, How do I know what I want? Many people grapple with that when facing life transitions or evaluating their choices. We often follow societal expectations or external pressures without tuning in to our desires and values. To address that, I have developed a process I call tuning in to help individuals pay attention to their thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in everyday moments. Tuning in is a practical way to begin understanding ourselves better and find answers to life's questions.
Concrete Exercises for Self-Discovery
We have also incorporated concrete exercises to help individuals to figure out what they want. One such exercise is the Circle of Life, a visual representation of life satisfaction in various areas. This exercise allows individuals to assess their current situation and decide where to focus their energy. Another tool is a Values Sort, which helps individuals identify their core values and align their choices with those.
My Journey of Career Changes
I have experienced significant career changes, transitioning from teaching to various roles while continuously tuning in to my instincts. Those changes have not always been easy, and I had to balance my passions with practical considerations. My journey highlights the importance of trusting your gut instinct and using the tuning-in process to guide your life decisions.
Recognizing Privilege in Our Journeys
I acknowledge that my journey and ability to tune in to my inner self came with privilege. I had the support of a partner with stable employment, allowing me the flexibility to explore different career paths. I know others may not have that privilege, so I recognize and address systemic barriers that often limit people's choices.
My Career Journey
In the early stages of my career, I had the luxury of not being financially dependent on any specific job. That freedom allowed me to take my time in making informed decisions about my career path while exploring roles and industries that did not offer high pay but intrigued me. 
Private Practice 
Several years later, I knew I wanted to establish a private practice. From the moment I began graduate school, I had that goal. I had briefly considered working in hospitals before realizing it was not the best fit for me. My age brought me the clarity to know my true calling was private practice.
Working Online 
I spent a decade working online, from blogging to social influencing, before it became a recognized field. When I earned a certificate as a holistic health coach, I learned how to leverage social media to grow my business. 
The Pitfall of Comparison 
My internet-focused background had an unexpected impact on my perception of success. After opening a private practice, I found

Hey friends! Today's discussion really excites me because the inspiration came from the Women of Wonder community I lead! Stay tuned at the end for more details about this community. 
The question we explore today is relevant for women of all ages. The tricky part of preparing this episode was coming up with advice that would resonate with women at different stages of life. The question is: How do I make friends as a grown-up? Let me tell you, traversing the intricate landscape of adult friendships is a universal challenge! It is a question that hits close to home for me, and I look forward to diving into this topic alongside all of you!
Navigating Friendships in a Changing Landscape
During our school years, making friends was mandatory, with daily interactions providing ample opportunities for connections. Transitioning to a career happened naturally for me, and working at a school, I formed bonds with colleagues who shared similar experiences and goals. 
Recent events, however, have altered that landscape. The pandemic forced us into isolation, and returning to the same office dynamics was not guaranteed. Our lives have shifted, whether through remote work, career changes, or the arrival of children. The common thread among those transitions is a sense of loneliness and disconnection, leading many to ask how to make friends as adults.
Revisiting Old Friendships 
The Ben Rector song, Old Friend, is about people who share our memories and understand our inside jokes. Unfortunately, recreating things from the past might be unattainable in our grown-up lives. I have also been there- longing for feelings of connection and wondering if it is possible to rekindle or replicate my old relationships.
Self-Reflection and Four Key Questions 
In my experience, it all begins with introspection and four fundamental questions: 
What am I looking for? For this question, identifying your specific needs and desires is crucial. Are you seeking deep connections or simply companionship? The answer will shape your approach.  What do I have? Take stock of your current social resources. They could be existing friendships, colleagues, neighbors, or online communities.  What can I give? Friendships require mutual effort, so consider what you are willing to invest. It could be your time, your vulnerability, or your support.  Am I willing to do what it takes? Making friends often entails stepping out of your comfort zone, initiating conversations, and taking risks. Adapting to a Changing Life
Your stage in life will influence your approach to making friends. For instance, if you have young children, you might naturally connect with other parents or neighbors. As your kids grow and become more independent, you may wonder how to fill the void left by their increasing self-sufficiency. I have been in this position, and found it essential to adjust my expectations and adapt to the changing landscape.
Finding New Friendships 
How we forge friendships as adults tends to echo how we did it in our youth. Making friends involves seeking out people who share your interests and passions. You may find them in clubs, classes, volunteering opportunities, or possibly at work. Online platforms and apps can also be valuable tools, especially in larger cities where finding like-minded individuals can be more challenging. It is ultimately about understanding what you are searching for and being open to the journey.
Creating Women of Wonder 
I noticed the need for support and connection during life transitions, so I created the Women of Wonder group for women to come together and connect with others who share their interests and passions. Whether we discuss stand-up comedy, books, or television, our goal is to form connections based on commonalities beyond our roles and responsibilities.
Women of Wonder
I want to introduce everyone out there feeling lonely, sick of being tired, overwhelmed, unsupported, or not sure where to turn to our Women

 
I am delighted to be back with you, my friends, after our summer break! 
Our brief hiatus during the summer months was time well spent, as I devoted my energies to nurturing the Women of Wonder community. 
Today's episode holds a special place in my heart! It stems from a question I posed on Instagram a few months ago about career guidance. Even though my post was intended for general advice, the very first query I received was related to mental health. Given my expertise in that area I decided to tackle this topic personally. I did some extra research to deepen my understanding and extend my knowledge beyond my home state for a broader perspective.
For those on the path or considering a career in mental health, I am thrilled to engage in this discussion with you and share a glimpse into my personal journey with its twists and turns in the hope of inspiring you to believe that it is never too late to pursue your dream career. I provide practical guidance, especially for those interested in private practice, and discuss the steps to reach that stage. Beyond the specifics, I also explore the broader aspects of choosing a career in mental health. 
If mental health is not your career interest, this episode may not be for you, but please share it with those who might benefit.
What Do You Want to Do After Graduation? 
Before pursuing a career in mental health, it's crucial to ask yourself what you envision doing once you complete your education. Your career goals will significantly influence the path you choose. Whether you aim to work in private practice, schools, social programs, or community centers, your desired outcome will guide your decisions.
What Do You Want to Learn in Your Program? 
The second vital consideration is the content of your educational program. The courses and curriculum should align with your interests and career goals. For example, if you are interested in clinical work, you will want a program focusing on psychology, counseling, and developing essential therapeutic skills. Ensure the program you choose matches what you want to learn.
What License Do You Need? 
Licensing requirements can vary widely depending on your location and career aspirations. To work independently in a clinical setting or private practice, you will typically need a Master's degree in counseling or social work. The type of license you pursue- whether it is in counseling, social work, marriage and family therapy, or another related field- must align with your career goals.
Understanding the specific licensing process for your chosen field is crucial. The process often includes passing exams, completing supervised hours, and obtaining provisional licenses before achieving full licensure.
3 Key Factors
Before embarking on a career in mental health, consider your ultimate career goals, the content of your educational program, and the specific licensing requirements for your chosen field. These three key factors will help you make informed decisions and navigate your path to a fulfilling career in mental health.
Education and Early Career Steps 
Upon completing a Master's degree in a mental health-related field, the next step is to pursue licensure. This journey often begins with entry-level positions. I worked at a domestic violence agency and served as an advocate in court for survivors of sexual and domestic violence to get social work experience. Engaging in one-on-one counseling with supervision can also be instrumental in building your expertise. Some positions may offer supervision as part of the compensation, which can be advantageous.
Accumulating Supervised Hours 
Gaining clinical experience and supervised hours is essential for licensure. I worked simultaneously at a domestic violence agency and a group practice to accumulate hours. My goal was to maximize clinical hours and work toward licensure efficiently. Seeking employment with supervision included can be financially advantageous and help you