Sex, Love & Elephants with Dr. Cheryl Cheryl Fraser

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.

Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants is one of my favorites from the early days of the podcast. In it, I talk about why a sincere vow to do better is one of the most important tools in your relationship arsenal, and why a mindful apology is an art in and of itself. 

If I installed a camera in your home and recorded everything you said to your partner for a week—would you be comfortable sharing that footage with your nearest and dearest? The good, the bad, and the ugly? Or would you be ashamed and embarrassed at how you speak and interact with your sweetheart, especially in times of anger or frustration?

Human beings in relationships are going to have disagreements—that’s a fact of life. It sounds harsh, but if most people actually recorded themselves for a week and listened back to the way they spoke to their partner, they would be very disappointed in themselves. The trick is to make sure you and your honey both have the tools to have disagreements that aren’t destructive—disagreements that actually help bring you closer together. I know, right?

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

YOU are responsible for creating a great relationship (04:26)

When you're agitated, your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol, creating temporary aggression and irrationality (06:24)

The opposite of kind speech is ugly speech (09:50)

If you’re in a relationship with a real, live human being, you’re going to have disagreements… and that’s totally fine. (12:45)

Don’t make excuses—apologize like a mofo (14:44)

Your weekly LoveByte (24:29)


Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube


Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz.

“Dr. Cheryl, why am I so unhappy?”
“I’m always upset—How can I learn to go with the flow?”
“Nothing good ever happens to me, what’s the secret to happiness?”

Why is it that we’re so puzzled about the fundamental ground of what leads to more happiness and less suffering? As it turns out, there is a way to be happy for no reason, a way to have a better, healthier relationship with the person you love, and a way to be a better person.

Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a Dharma Talk that I gave last month on happiness, negativity, and the coping mechanisms we use to deal with it all. 

Tune in and hear my teachings about the most universal experiences that none of us get to escape and the fact that we, as humans, don’t get to change reality. 

In This Episode, You Will Learn:

We’re all going to die—it’s important to make time for wholesome activities (01:40)

Reality sucks sometimes, mortality and loss and suffering is real (10:01)

How we react to big, difficult, painful losses is our choice (18:57)

We cling and try to manipulate reality so it works for us, but it’s a fool's errand (25:48)

Today’s LoveByte (50:54)


Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube


Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

“Dr. Cheryl, why am I always so pessimistic about my relationship?”
“How can my partner and I be more positive about one another?”
“Why can’t my sweetheart do anything right?!”

It may be 2024, but we still have brains that evolved from the cave days. Over the eons, our brains have developed certain survival patterns that have held on in even the most intelligent minds. One of those leftover base instincts that we’re still coping with today is negativity bias and it just might be the biggest issue in your relationship.

On today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you all about negativity bias and the importance of thinking positively about your partner.

Today is all about training your mind to do a better job of defaulting toward a positive point of view. I’m giving you a few short examples and some more elaborate models and exercises that you can do to bolster your relationship with your sweetheart.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

If your partner is consistently rude and condescending—even if it’s not directed toward you—it needs to be addressed (03:40)

Our minds tend to look for what's wrong and not what’s right (08:05)

You do NOT have to say every negative thing that comes to mind (15:32)

Sharing a home and sharing a life demands graceful compromise (17:04)

Today’s LoveByte (26:11)


Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

“Dr. Cheryl, my partner and I haven’t had sex in months—PLEASE HELP!”
“Why does sexual desire slow down in long term relationship?
“How can I bring back the sex and passion to my relationship?”


You've heard me say it before on this podcast: Sexless relationships are way more common than you think. The definition for a sexless relationship is one where sex is had six or fewer times per year. That means that if you’re making love but it’s only once every two months or so, you and your sweetheart are in what is defined as a “sexless” or “lower sex” relationship. 

On today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants, I’m teaching you all about sexless relationships and the solutions out there that can work for you. 

Many of you may have not made love for years… And that’s way more common than you think. One of the biggest problems is that no one talks about it, so we end up having a lot of shame, embarrassment, and confusion around those changes instead of finding a solution that works for our relationship. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

We're so busy running our lives that we often lose each other (03:53)

Make your sensual life a priority—especially if you’re in a long term relationship (10:33)

Sometimes, we get so good at running our lives like a business that we know longer see our partner as a sexual being (11:48)

The idea of scheduled intimacy doesn’t sound romantic but it just may save your sex life (14:41)

Today’s LoveByte (23:06)


Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram

“Dr. Cheryl, how can I shake up my boring relationship?”
“Why does it feel like we’re roommates instead of lovers?”
“How can my sweetheart and I learn to live and love in the moment?”

One of the worst silent killers in relationships is when we find ourselves slowly falling into complacency and boredom overtime. When we lose that loving feeling, it can lead to major disappointment and dissatisfaction in a relationship but all hope is not lost—there are ways you can reconnect. 

Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants is a short check-in for you and your sweetheart.

So often we get caught up in the mundane and, sadly for a lot of us, many times that means that  we’re caught up in irritation with our partner. Whether it’s frustration about a messy house or worries over money, nothing matters as much as valuing and loving your sweetie right now, at this very moment. 

Today you’ll learn:

Don’t wait for a major life event to tell your honey how much you love them (03:31)

Love your partner deeply, wholly, and expansively and love them like there's no tomorrow (04:23)

I encourage and challenge each of us to become a great partner and bring more flexibility and more grace because we don't have them forever (08:01)

Today’s LoveByte (08:30)



Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram 

“Dr. Cheryl, how can I help my constant negative thoughts?”
“I’m ALWAYS anxious. Is there a way to quiet my constantly running mind?”
“Is it possible to practice kindness?”

Meditation is a traditional Buddhist practice that fits very beautifully into the secular world, into the psychology world, into the mindfulness world, and into the world of us trying to be a kinder, more caring human being to ourselves and others. A metta meditation, or a loving kindness meditation, can be practiced whenever you have a bit of time to yourself. 

Today’s episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a metta meditation from a live Dharma talk that I gave last month.  

This is a special episode of the podcast that sounds a little different from the others. This meditation is under 30 minutes long—just make sure you’re free of distractions while you listen. I invite you to come back and use this meditation whenever you feel the need for more calm and balance in your life. 

This episode of Sex, Love, and Elephants features a metta meditation that begins at (02:19) and ends around (31:00).

Have questions about meditation or about your relationship? Send them to us at Hello@drcherylfraser.com.

Want to rate your relationship on the three keys to great long term love? Take the Passion Quiz 

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Let’s Connect!  


Website - Sign up for Weekly LoveBytes here 

Youtube

If you want to rate your relationship, take the Passion Quiz

Follow @drcherylfraser on Instagram