The Save The Marriage Podcast Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

On a regular basis (meaning, several times each week), I have a discussion with a client that ends in the client saying, "I can't...."  Yes, they finish the sentence in many ways.  But the start of the sentence is my focus:  "I can't."



I have a colleague that responds to clients who say, "I can't," with "You can."  That doesn't quite get there, though.  At least for me, I don't think that is the whole answer.



Over the years, I noticed that "can't" is far more complex than we notice.



You may have heard that in other languages, there are multiple words to describe what another language would only have as a single word.  For instance, the Greek language has multiple words to say, "love."  And at least in lore, there are many words in Inuit to say, "snow."



There should be, in my opinion, multiple words for "can't."  But here we are, often with conversations ending with "I can't."



So, I will take it further.  In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I note four different "can'ts."  One really, truly, is. One is really, truly, NOT. And the other two, you have to work through.



If you find yourself saying, "I can't save my marriage," or "I can't change," or "I can't see a way," you may want to take a listen.  You may be stuck in a "can't" that isn't.



Listen below!



 



RELATED RESOURCES:

The Certainty Trap Episode

Stuck In Negativity Episode

The Connection Compass Articles

The Save The Marriage System

Can one person save a marriage, even if your spouse doesn’t want it?



I do say that my Save The Marriage System can save your marriage, even if only you want it.



But what can you really do, if your spouse is checked out and not sure they want to stay married?



I answer another listener question in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Is it really possible to save a marriage working alone?  This is important because so many people don’t believe there is anything that can be done, once a spouse has checked out.  This is not accurate.  And it means that many people who could save their marriage and rebuild, don’t.  They walk away in defeat.



So, what CAN you do?  First, I tackle what you CAN’T do.  Then, we turn our attention to what CAN be done, even if it is only you interested (right now).



Listen below.



RELATED RESOURCES:

Read my article on The Pause Button Marriage

Find my book, How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps

Find my Save The Marriage System

Learn more about Connection

Learn more about Conflict

This is a SPECIAL EDITION of the Save The Marriage Podcast!

Why?  Because we are on the cusp of an elevated threat to marriages... and it might include your's.



There are 3 periods in the year that see a spike in divorce filings and inquiries.  We are facing one right now:  the beginning of summer.  In the States, that is marked by Memorial Day (coming up very quickly).  For other countries, it may be another week or two off.  But we are slip-sliding right toward it.



In this audio version of a video training, I tell you why this season is a spike, and what to do so that your marriage is not a casualty (but the time to get started is NOW!).

In my Save The Marriage System Quick-Start Guide, I show the 8 distinct stages of a marriage crisis. But those are the stages of the crisis.  There are also stages to your awareness of the crisis.



This is the point where you are aware of the crisis, the level of the crisis, and the potential threat of the crisis.  And just to let you know:  you are NOT at stage 1.  That would be Asleep.  This is the point when you are not even aware that things are in trouble.  You are blissfully unaware of — or choosing to not notice — the looming marriage crisis that is already underway.



But then you wake up to find yourself in the midst of a troubled relationship, a hurting marriage!



Your spouse may be further along the process, and your marriage may be further along the progression of the crisis.  That is independent of your own awareness of the crisis.



In this episode of the marriage crisis, I discuss the 4 stages of crisis awareness, and the 1 thing you need to do — along with some thoughts on how to/how NOT to do that very thing.



Listen in below.



RELATED RESOURCES

FACT of the Crisis

Can The Marriage Be Saved?

Why It Matters

Happy or Hurting?

Save The Marriage System

There is a better than 80% chance that, at this moment, you are a Chaser.  In doing a little informal research, I noticed that about 90% of the people who read my articles, listen to my podcast, read my b0oks, or use my System, are chasing right now.



Why?  Because right now, their spouse (and likely, your spouse) is being a Spacer.  The Chaser/Spacer pattern can vary over time -- who is doing which, how fast both are moving, and what the distance looks like.  Sometimes, couple switch roles.  Usually, because the Chaser gives up and becomes the Spacer, causing the Spacer to suddenly shift to being the Chaser.



There HAS to be a better way... right?



Right??



Why yes, yes there is.  So glad you asked!



In this podcast, I tell you about the Chaser/Spacer roles, how they come to be, why the are so problematic, and why they don't have to be permanent roles or patterns.  We unwind it.



And I tell you about the better role.



Listen below to discover how to stop being the Chaser or Spacer... and what to do, instead!



 



RELATED RESOURCES:

Why Connection Matters

What Space Means

The Save The Marriage System

Many people tell me of their desperation to find intimacy -- and their sadness over not having it in their marriage.



But is it possible to find that intimacy?  Is there a path to intimacy in your marriage??



There are choices people make... that often lead them away from intimacy -- not toward it!  This isn't on purpose.  They just don't know better.



The path to intimacy may not be something you learned -- or even saw in relationships around you!



But there IS a path. That path has 4 steps to get there.



Unfortunately, many people decide to leave in steps 2 and 3, not realizing just how close they are to intimacy.  True intimacy.



In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, we look at the path.  I'll tell you about each of the 4 steps along the path... and how to make a shift toward intimacy... just when you think you've missed it.



Yes, you can find intimacy. You just need to know the path to take.  Let's get it covered for you!



Listen below.



 



RELATED RESOURCES

Dealing with Conflict

2 Necessary Feelings

Marriage and Self-Expansion

Save The Marriage System