Episode 14: Annie Part 2 Uninhibited

Welcome to Uninhibited, a podcast with the mission to discuss taboo, multicultural, multi-generational, and multi-layered topics that matter to women. 
Our host, Dr. Makunda Abdul Mbacke, is an Ivy-League trained OBGYN, practicing medicine in rural America. She is a mother, career professional, part of Generation X, and so much more.
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00:50 - Welcome to another episode of Uninhibited. We’re joined by Annie for part two of her interview, to discuss her background and influences that led to situations of interpersonal and relationship violence. Annie talks about her growth and survival through these deeply personal and painful challenges, as well as her future.
2:10 - Annie discusses the development of her second serious relationship, as the friendship and safety that her second partner offered was a stark difference from her first boyfriend. However, there were still some behavioral red flags in her second partner that Annie wasn’t able to see at first.
4:03 - During that time, Annie started at Yale’s Masters of Public Health program and got pregnant with their first child; her daughter was born during the first year of Annie’s Masters program.There were many other distractions and responsibilities that took up Annie’s focus, so she wasn’t able to clearly see the abusive patterns in her partner.
5:10 - Dr. Makunda asks what contributed to the abuse, and what kinds of abuse Annie’s partner subjected her to. Her partner actually suffered physical abuse from his own father and it was his goal never to emulate that behavior. Annie didn’t experience the same types of abuse that she did in her first relationship. She was able to have friends and a social life, she went to school and had jobs, he didn’t insult her - the manipulation came in the form of controlling money and working for his own self interest, at the cost of his family’s future.
8:23 - Annie explains how she was very much in the dark about their financial situation and that her partner convinced her that he always knew best. But, this was normal for Annie, as she had grown up in a household that did not speak about money or financial survival and felt she had no concept of income or money management.
13:30 - Dr. Makunda asks if Annie continued to work throughout her second relationship. Annie explains that after her daughter, their four other children quickly followed, and her focus was on being a good mother and supportive partner, despite her partner’s lies and deceit about their finances.
16:50 - Annie began to stand up for herself and her family and followed her intuition; she pushed back against her partner’s bad business deals and ideas for fear of risking her family’s security. Her partner had been sued a few times in the past, although there was nothing to be won from them because they had no money. 
19:48 - Her partner would continue to lie to her face, saying that he was listening to her but continuing to push his bad business through, which eventually landed them in bankruptcy court. Annie describes wanting to believe that their relationship was still good, even though it was clear to her that it wasn’t.
22:12 - Annie’s aha moment when she realized she had to leave her partner was signified by two events. First was when her two oldest children saw the dysfunction in the home for themselves and made the decision to leave. Second, a woman very who Annie holds very close in her heart, taught Annie about poverty, finances, and how women can be the money savers in the family, that women are generally more financially-savvy than men. This woman empowered Annie to start taking control.
24:30 - After recognizing the financial dysfunction in her partner, Annie demanded a separate bank account, prevented irresponsible spending on big-ticket items, and accurate accounting of their finances. Her partner then pursued disability and social security payments to fund his life, and Annie started to regain control and fix their financial s