The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast The Recovery Show

In conversation with Barb W, we dive into the vital role honesty plays in the journey of recovery, particularly in accepting and working the first step.







The Challenge of Honesty







We kick off the discussion with Barb reflecting on the necessity of honesty in recovery. Honesty often starts with acknowledging our own denial and deceit, both to ourselves and others. 







Barb’s personal story details the emotional and psychological impact of living with an alcoholic. She talks about her initial denial and how her attempts to control the situation often manifested in deceit. She justified her behaviors under the guise of love, but they ultimately contributed to an unhealthy environment.







Step One: Admitting Powerlessness







Spencer and Barb explore the essence of honesty in the context of the first step: admitting powerlessness over alcohol. Barb explains how her journey towards honesty began with recognizing her inability to control the alcoholic behavior that surrounded her, despite her many efforts.







Barb shares a poignant letter written by Lois W. during Bill W.'s battle with alcoholism. This letter resonates with Barb's own feelings of despair and eventual surrender, capturing the essence of hitting rock bottom and the subsequent surrender to powerlessness.







Finding the Path to Honesty







Barb recounts her initial steps in Al-Anon, emphasizing the slow and difficult process of getting honest with herself. She describes baby steps, a gradual peeling back of layers of denial, and the significant impact of having supportive, closed-mouth friends in recovery. 







A crucial aspect of Barb's journey was the practice of self-affirmation. Encouraged by her sponsor, she struggled but eventually succeeded in telling herself “I love you” while looking in the mirror. This practice marked a turning point in building a healthier relationship with herself.







Embracing Change and Responsibility







Barb admits that her early days in Al-Anon were marked by resistance and partial commitment to the steps. It wasn’t until she experienced her “second surrender” that she wholeheartedly embraced rigorous honesty and accountability, leading to significant personal growth and recovery.







Reflections







Towards the end of the episode, Barb is asked what she would say to her younger self entering recovery. Her response encapsulates the core message: “You are not alone.” She emphasizes the importance of the relationship with oneself and shares how hearing someone say, “I’ll love you until you can love yourself,” was transformative. Barb turns the question around to Spencer, who echoes Barb’s message, “You are not alone”, adding “It will get better.”







Readings and Links







We read from









* the Al-Anon/Alateen Service Manual, p. 23 (the paragraph ending “This is our denial.”)







* Blueprint for Progress, Al-Anon's 4th Step Workbook, Honesty, p. 11.







* a letter from Lois. We're not sure where you can find this — if you know, please let us know and we will add the link here.









Barb has a TikTok about recovery.







Upcoming topics







We will be doing more episodes on the Steps. What is your experience with each step?

Being a leader in Al-Anon is fundamentally different from traditional notions of leadership. As we highlight in our discussion, Al-Anon leaders are guided by humility and enthusiasm rather than authority and control. This approach is rooted in Tradition Two, which states, “Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.” Understanding this principle is crucial for anyone facing challenges in their service roles.







Diffusing Tension and Resolving Conflict







Conflicts are inevitable in any organization, and Al-Anon is no exception. The Al-Anon Traditions and Concepts are key to reducing and resolving conflicts. In particular, we highlight these:







Concept Three: “The right of decision makes effective leadership possible.” It’s essential to own the responsibility that comes with a leadership role and not let the approval of others dictate your actions.







Concept Four: “Participation is the key to harmony.” By participating, we can, at least, express our thoughts and opinions, even when the outcome is not what we might desire.







Tradition Four: “Each group is autonomous…” Respecting the autonomy of individuals and groups allows for a more harmonious environment.







We mentioned some helpful resources, such as the “Loving Interchange to Resolve Conflict” wallet card and the booklet “Talk to Each Other: Resolving Conflicts Within Al-Anon.”







Real-Life Experiences







Mark’s Insights







Mark shared his extensive service experience, emphasizing how the Al-Anon structure supports both horizontal and vertical communication. He pointed out that though service requires patience, it’s vital to remember not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good. He highlighted the importance of allowing dissenting or minority views to be genuinely considered, which aligns with Concept Five.







Anne’s Perspective







Anne underscored the importance of humility and enthusiasm in qualified authority. She reflected on how these principles could have made her family life more sustainable, reinforcing the collective nature of Al-Anon’s authority.







Marylou’s Service During the Pandemic







Marylou shared her experience navigating service challenges during the pandemic. Her proactive approach in moving meetings online and ensuring safe virtual environments showcased the use of Tradition Five and the importance of keeping Al-Anon accessible to everyone.







Mary’s Experience with Bias in Service







Mary opened up about her unique challenges as a person of color in Al-Anon service. She faced bias and scrutiny but used Tradition Four and Concepts Three and Four (Participation is the key to harmony) to navigate her role effectively. Her resilience and dedication to service were truly inspiring.







Music to Inspire







We love connecting themes from our discussions to music. Here are the three picks from the episode:







1. Roar by Katy Perry: The lyrics resonate with standing up for oneself and overcoming challenges.







2. Human by The Killers: This song reminds us to embrace our humanity and respect the diverse experiences and opinions of others.







3. Brave by Sara Bareilles: An empowering anthem encouraging us to speak our truth and be brave in the face of adversity.







Eric mentioned a poster with QR codes that link to Al-Anon “find a meeting” and social media sites. You can download it here.

Host Spencer and guest Ashley delve into the transformative power of the 12 steps in the Al-Anon program. We revisit the 12 steps and explore their impact on our personal growth and healing. We read and reflect on passages from chapter 8, “Twelve Steps”, in the book How Al-Anon Works, sharing our own experiences and insights. Our discussion emphasizes the importance of attitude change, the deep self-awareness that comes from working the steps, and the continuous journey of recovery. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, Spencer and Ashley illustrate how the 12 steps guide individuals toward serenity, self-forgiveness, and a more fulfilling life.















Readings and Links







We read from How Al-Anon Works for Family and Friends of Alcoholics, Chapter 8.







A listener suggested these people who have helped them in recovering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder in a loved one or family member: Dr. Les Carter and Dr. Ramani.







Upcoming topics







We will be continuing our series on the 12 Steps, along with some other topics chosen by guests. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.















Music from the Show











Grandson – Something to Hide











Alanis Morissette – Perfect











Motionless in White – Disguise

Al Anon's Tradition 3 emphasizes the gathering of relatives of alcoholics for mutual aid, forming an Al Anon family group rooted in shared experiences and support. Spencer elaborates on how this mutual aid creates a safe space where individuals facing the impact of addiction can find solace and understanding. The only requirement for membership is the presence of alcoholism in a relative or friend, fostering a sense of unity and compassion within the group.







Spencer recounts his journey of seeking support in Al Anon meetings and the transformative power of mutual aid. The feeling of not being alone anymore, the exchange of experiences, and the shared path towards personal growth resonate deeply in his narrative. We find moments of realization, self-discovery, and the bonds formed through mutual aid in the Al Anon community.







One significant aspect of mutual aid within Al Anon is sponsorship, where experienced members mentor others in their recovery journey. Sponsors can provide guidance by asking thought-provoking questions, offering reflections, and empowering individuals to explore their motives and choices. Through sponsorship, mutual aid extends beyond shared experiences to personalized support and guidance tailored to individual needs.







In the tapestry of recovery and personal growth, mutual aid emerges as a force that nurtures resilience, empathy, and self-awareness. Through shared experiences, support without judgment, and a community built on understanding, individuals in Al Anon find strength in unity and healing.







Readings and Links







We read from A Little Time For Myself, an Al-Anon daily reader, p. 73 (March 13).







Judy asked “what do I do when Google Podcasts goes away?” See one person's recommendations for a new app.







Use our Subscribe/Follow page to follow the podcast in your new app. On an Android phone, tap the “Android” button.







Upcoming topics







We will be starting a new series of episodes on the 12 steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope.















Music from the Show











Bill Withers – Lean on Me











Sia – Breathe Me











Jason Mraz – Song for a Friend

We find value in the shared experiences, wisdom, and support expressed in Al-Anon meetings. Sharing in meetings plays a crucial role in bolstering recovery, assisting in healing, and fostering a sense of community among attendees. However, we may hear instructions and conventions that seem challenging to adhere to at times.







Why do we share?







Sharing in an Al-Anon meeting invokes an atmosphere of sincerity, openness, and compassion. Speakers such as Heather and Spencer cherish the meeting as a platform to express their feelings, share their experiences, invite the shared experience of others, and most importantly, aid their path to recovery. Al-Anon’s third tradition suggests that we “[gather] together for mutual aid,” allowing us to learn from others' experiences.







How do we share?







Heather was challenged by her sponsor to try speaking from the heart during meetings. She was told that she should not aim to present a meticulously crafted speech but rather express her authentic feelings and experiences.







Despite being a vital recovery tool, sharing can bring about certain challenges. One of these is the common issue of oversharing. Heather highlights this by narrating an instance where she was challenged by another person's extensive sharing.















Creating a Safe Space







Creating a safe and trusting environment is crucial for effective sharing. Many meetings ask members to not “crosstalk”, where one person's sharing draws an immediate response from someone else. This helps to maintain this safe space. It’s essential for each of us to keep the focus on ourselves. This way, all attendees can openly share their feelings and experiences without feeling judged or interrupted.







Cultivating humility







Heather's reflection on this concept is insightful – our recovery journey is ours and ours alone. No share is more valuable or insightful than the other, and no member should dominate others with their contribution. Al-Anon's Tradition 8 (Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional…) reminds us that every attendee is seen as equal, each carrying their own experiences, strength, and hope.







Conclusion







Sharing in meetings is a pivotal practice in Al-Anon – one that encourages honesty, openness and cultivates a supportive community. With each share, we walk further from our pain and closer to serenity, helping us internalize the power of Al-Anon's founding principles.







Readings and Links







Heather read from Courage to Change, Nov 3 (p. 308)







We also mentioned these books: Reaching for Personal Freedom, Hope for Today, and Paths to Recovery.







Upcoming topics







I am planning a series of episodes on the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.















Music from the Show











Kelsea Ballerini – Overshare











Rita Ora – Keep Talking











Jennifer Nettles – You Will Be Found

In February, 2023, Spencer gave a talk at the 71st Greeley AA Stampede. This is that talk.















Readings and Links







The Greeley AA Stampede is an annual AA conference with Al-Anon participation. Find out more at their website.







A listener asked about finding “speaker tapes” online. Two sources are XA Speakers and Recovery Radio Network.







A couple listeners have asked about the “adult child” oriented podcasts I've been listening to. They are Fragmented to Whole and Adult Child Podcast.















Music from the Show











Coldplay – Fix You











Sarah McLachlan – Sweet Surrender







Kimberly suggested this next song.











INXS – Don't Change