Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family Mike and Alicia Hernon : Catholic Marriage Parent and Family

The greatest and most important collaboration you will ever have with another person is raising a child with your spouse.
 
Summary Parents come to us with discipline issues all the time and our first question is usually, “What does your spouse think about this?”  You see, the most important person to learn from is the other parent of this child you are trying to raise!  It is when moms and dads work together that the greatest power is unleashed in parenting and that is when we can do the most good for our children.  Instead of focusing on your child and their behavior, focus first on yourself, then on how you and your spouse work together, and then you can come up with the best way to love your child and form them.  Listen in to this re-release of our 2019 podcast, Parenting as a Team.  
  Key Takeaways The best thing you can do for your children is to not focus on them, but focus on your spouse first, and them second. Prioritize your relationship! 
Strength is found in your differences!  Respect what each one of you brings to the table.  
God never meant for you to be parents alone, or even just the two of you.  He wants to give you all the grace you need if you will just ask Him for it.  
 
Couple Discussion Questions What do you admire about how your spouse parents your kids? Tell them this.  
What is the biggest difference between you in how you parent?  How is this a strength? 
Take time this week to sit down and talk about your kids and how they are doing.  Make a plan to help them as best you can. 
Resources Tip Sheet
Worksheet from Discipline guide

Parenting isn’t about doing everything perfectly.  It's about showing up over and over again no matter what.  
 
Summary Some may question how a celibate man could have wisdom for husbands and wives, let alone parents.  But in this interview with Fr. Mike Schmitz, host of the Bible in a Year podcast, we think everyone will agree that his insights are awesome! Drawing from his own family experience as well as his role as a spiritual father, Fr. Mike shares with us how to love children who have fallen away from the church, the importance of your marriage to your walk with God, and why you actually don’t need to have the perfect plan for your family. In this conversation we laughed and cried as we reflected on the beauty and difficulties of life in a family (with some special shoutouts to middle children!).  Listen in as we have an honest and inspiring talk with a priest whose ministry has blessed so many.  



Key Takeaways Our family of origin impacts us more than almost anything else in our lives.
Parents put so much pressure on themselves to be perfect that sometimes they miss out on the joy of family life. 
It's more important that we are intentional about family life than we have the “perfect plan” on how to be a family.
It's not a bad thing for kids to see their parents have conflict as long as they are also able to experience the effects of their reconciliation. 
We can’t make the world safe for our kids, but we do need to make our kids strong.
The heart of the Father is the heart of the priesthood. 
If someone falls away from the Church, we may be tempted to cut them out or approve of everything they do, but neither is correct.   Remain in their lives in a consistent and uncompromising way, recognizing that their story isn’t over. 
 
Couple Discussion Questions Are there areas in our family life that we need to evaluate and possibly change?  Is there a course we are on that we need to correct?  
Knowing that our kids will be growing up in a difficult world, how can we make them strong? 
How can we respond better to those who have turned away from Christ or His Church?  How can we keep those lines of communication open?  
Who are the “spiritual fathers” in our life?  How can we pray for them?



Resources Bible in a Year Podcast
Ascension videos w Fr Mike
 
Introduction and Fundraising Campaign (0:00 - 4:04) Interview with Father Mike Schmitz Begins (4:04 - 5:09) Father Mike Schmitz's Background (5:09 - 7:02) Parenting and Family Life (7:02 - 13:23) Insights on Parenting and Perfection (13:23 - 18:13) Parental Sacrifice and Consistency (00:19:32 - 00:21:28) Parental Influence and Decision-Making (00:21:28 - 00:23:42) Navigating Marital Challenges (00:23:43 - 00:27:37) Spiritual Fatherhood (00:37:06 - 00:38:41) Parenting Journey and Impact (00:38:42 - 00:41:36) Understanding Parental Heartache (00:46:43:18 - 00:47:31:20) Dealing with Children Leaving Faith (00:47:31:22 - 00:48:57:00) Parental Support and Communication (00:50:29:03 - 00:52:37:11) Sexual Intimacy and Spirituality (00:56:53:17 - 00:58:32:06) Blessing and Spiritual Growth (01:02:14:04 - 01:03:32:18)

Our parents made us sisters, but God made us friends.  
 
Summary One of the greatest blessings of Alicia’s life is that God gave her 9 brothers and sisters to laugh, play, fight, create, and pray with most of her life! This conversation is from a girls getaway weekend with the five Doman sisters.  Now, because all the Doman siblings are practicing Catholics  in good relationship with each other and their parents, people may put them in a category of “the perfect Catholic family”.  But that is far from true.  As you will hear, each one of these sisters has lived through tragedies and difficulties that were completely unexpected and not chosen by them at all. It is by God’s grace that each one of them has grown into the woman God is calling her to be and it is through that relationship with Christ, as well as the accident of birth, that we are able to have true sisterhood together.  Listen in as we talk about God’s faithfulness through the difficulties of life and how true sisterhood with those in your family and friends are essential to our survival.  
 
Key Takeaways Life is not always easy, but God is near
We can learn from those who God gives us, even when they are different from us.  Don’t get frustrated by differences, embrace them!
When we are joined together by common faith in Christ, we can develop true friendships
 
Couple Discussion Questions What relationships can we invest more in to develop sisterhood and brotherhood? 
Are we happy with our relationships with our siblings?  Why or why not? What can we change about this? 
How does sharing values with others change us? 

Summary In this episode, we explore the essential aspects of training for virtue and the challenging task of granting freedom to our children. We emphasize the importance of always communicating that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide, expecting mistakes along the way. We discuss the value of risking giving your child freedom, acknowledging it's not an easy journey. Key discussion points include how to provide more freedom for kids to make good choices, understanding if teens view parents as mentors, and identifying areas needing better boundaries and more training at home. Join us for practical strategies and insights to support your children in making virtuous choices while balancing freedom and boundaries.  
Key Takeaways Always communicate that you are on their side as a mentor, teacher, and guide.  Expect mistakes Be willing to risk giving your child freedom - beware!  It's not easy!  Couple discussion questions  
How can we give our kids more freedom to make good choices? What are my fears about this? 
Do my teens see me as a mentor?  Why or why not.  Plan some time to talk to them about this.  
Where do we need better boundaries in our home?  What are the areas in which our children need more training? 
 

The most important challenge you can take 

What does it take to be a great parent and have a joyful family? We think it all boils down to three essential elements. We have turned these three elements into the Play and Pray Challenge!  More than ever, we need to celebrate the love of Jesus in the month of June, because it is HIS love and lordship that will truly fulfill all our deepest longings!  What is the challenge? In the month of June do these three things with your family -  Organize and execute an amazing FAMILY DAY, plan and go on a DATE NIGHT, and proclaim Jesus Christ as the KING OF THE HOME by placing the image of the Sacred Heart in their house and “enthroning” Him as King.  We want to make this a fun and rewarding experience for families, so we have created some resources to help you out. Go to our website messyfamilyproject.org/challenge to get our Play and Pray Challenge Kit.  There are even promo materials for you to put up at your parish or school!  
Get the free download and let us know your family is taking the challenge - https://messyfamilyproject.org/challenge/
 
Related podcast episode: 
MFP 091: King of the Home - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-091-king-of-the-home/
 MFP 257: How to Change Your Heart  - https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-257-how-to-change-your-heart-lessons-from-the-sacred-heart-of-jesus/



Key takeaways:
One of the greatest assets we have in parenting is the ability to choose how we spend our time.  Protect your yes with 1,000 no’s
Your children need to be known and loved by you. Joy must be alive in your home.
Your marriage gives you the grace to be a parent. So invest deeply in your marriage!
Devotion to the Sacred heart is a game changer for families
If you want to pray with your kids you need to play with them.  



Couple Discussion
How do we waste time with our kids?  How do we lavish love on them?
What brings joy to the hearts of our children? How can we do more of that? 
What is my understanding of the love of Jesus flowing from His Sacred Heart?  How can I express this love to my children?
 

Summary In this next part of our series on tech, we talk about the specific challenges that tech use brings to boys and girls.  Just as men and women have different gifts, they also deal with different temptations in their tech use.  Because of this, parents must be proactive in teaching boundaries to their children so they can use tech with freedom when they leave your house and enter the world of adulthood. During this conversation, we give you some principles that you will need to discuss with your spouse to make a tech policy of your own. Every family must have some boundaries, because if you don’t define them, then the reality is that Big Tech will be calling the shots in your house. Their goal is to control your kids and they have the means to do it.  
  Key Takeaways Because of the genius of men to create and subdue the world they are more tempted to be addicted to video games.  Because of women’s gift of relationships they are more tempted to be absorbed in social media.  
Parents must know the symptoms of addiction and immediately respond if they believe their child has an addiction.  Their child’s future success in life depends on it. 
The best filter is a well-formed child who knows how to respond to toxic online content. 
You must teach and model healthy tech use for your kids - nothing is private, have a healthy skepticism of any online content, and learn good manners.  
  Couple Discussion Questions Are we aware of the symptoms of tech addiction?  Are any of our children in danger of this addiction?  If so, what are we going to do about it? 
Do we have a written tech policy?  Plan a time to discuss with your spouse and create one.  
What is our plan for social media use for our children?  
Resources The Messy Family Guide to Technology - https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/screens-your-child/