CALM -- Conversations About Leaving Mormonism PODCAST CALM

Judith and Boaz continue to delve into the topic of divorce, love and marriage.



Will future generations just not get married?  Will the ideal of one lifetime partner go away?



What things can you put up with in a partner and what things are deal breakers?



As a post-mo, would you date a TBM?



If your first date lasts 11 hours, does it count as 3 dates? Hotels have bathrooms, which is why we ended up in the lobby there, just saying...



How do you decide if a person would be a good match for you?  Do you have a checklist?  What are deal breakers? 



Can you tell on a first date if someone is right for you or not?  How good are you  at reading people, REALLY?



If someone seems TOO good to be true when you're dating, they probably are.  Or are they?



Maybe we all think we are good judges of character, but we're really NOT.  It takes time.



Don't judge someone based on one comment.  Let people PROVE to you who they are.  Collect 'data points' about them over time.



Listen to Judith's and Boaz' possible first argument ever as they discuss whether or not Judith did in fact call Boaz 'Prince Charming' when they were dating.

Judith and Boaz get personal and discuss divorce, love and marriage.  What happens when you marry right off your mission?  In the church, is having sex before marriage worse than marrying the wrong person and being in a bad marriage?  Does our society place an unrealistic value on marriage?  (at all costs?) When is it time to admit it's over?  How to divorce your spouse and  still remain friends.  Is it really better to stay together for the kids? How to put the kids first when a marriage ends.  The overarching consideration in every decision you make during divorce is what's best for the kids.  Remember you chose this - they didn't.  Realize what you say in anger is not going to be useful; it's not going to make you feel better. There's not even a venting benefit to responding in anger because all it does it make the other person escalate. Vent to friends, family, therapist instead.  Remember that you won't always feel angry and bitter, but you will always have the memory of how you handled it.  The only thing you can control is how you respond.  Divorce is going to be painful no matter what.  Give the other person some grace.  Don't exaggerate their faults.  It's ok to acknowledge the good even if it didn't work out.

Post-mo singles reflect on their views of love then and now.

What influenced our ideas of romantic love growing up?  The Church?  Walt Disney? Society?

Relationships can't be one-sided.

Expecting validation from other people.  

Putting the partner on a pedestal or losing your identify.

Learning emotional self-control and emotional maturity.

Remembering when you would think of personalized  proposal ideas on the 4th date...

We're all train wrecks -- who's train wreck do you want to help put back together?

Where to find a partner? Wait for friends and family to recommend someone?  Online dating?

Finding someone who's on your level.

Trying your best to make your partner happy without losing yourself.

Support the person, walk next to them without pushing, pulling or dragging. 

Singles wards didn't teach us how to love --it was  just a bunch of peacocks trying to find a mate.

Church tries to put people in boxes where they don't fit.

How online dating is like buying a laptop.

The no-pressure method of progressing through dating levels. 

Learning to be up-front and honest about who you are and what you think, from the very beginning of a relationship.

What does agape love and service to others look like now?  Do you do your profession for free to others?  Unconditional love -- give it freely without expecting anything back.  But take care of yourself.  Does it start with loving yourself?   We all need validation from others.  How's your inner child?  What do you do when families on earth are not so good to you?  Is it ok to quit your family?  Do we need to step back sometimes in order to heal ourselves?  Is it ok to ask for help? More comments on quitting the Movers' Quorum.  

Recorded on Valentine's Day, we had to talk about love.  Good love, bad love, Agape love...  (look it up).  Funny tattoo stories, moving stories, and good and bad bishop's interviews.  

What do you remember about sexism and bias in the church?  Members briefly discuss and agree to delve into more at a future date.

To read the transcript, please go to https://www.podcastcalm.com/blog