The Goonies: You Had to Know This One was Coming at Some Point You Deserve Medals

Once in a while, things that embody chaos, disappointment, and confusion end up sinking their greasy claws into our hearts and hold on throughout our lives with the tenacity of a rabid bulldog. For Jay, it’s the overwhelming adoration for wearing animal onesies while sipping homemade Shirley Temples. For Benny, it’s the demon spawn his DNA belched into this world. Yet both of us share a mutual example of this - a timeless tale of random delinquents who go on an outrageously dangerous and difficult journey to find a long-dead pirate’s treasure, and save their homes from purchase and destruction. No, this isn’t the latest NBC Survivor clone; it’s The Goonies, more popularly known as Thanos, Samwise, and a bunch of randos.
By all accounts, The Goonies just shouldn’t work. A ridiculous overarching plot? Check. Cartoonish villains? You betcha. An incredibly unrealistic series of tests and traps, the menace of which doesn’t fit the feel of the movie? Of course. A loveable and heartwarming special needs character with a horrific backstory? Bonus points. And yet, everything comes together in a classic that has staying power. Sure, a lot of the story is ridiculous, and boy did we poke holes in it, but it plays its heart out and reminds us all that movies used to be zany fun. Because goodness knows we need to be reminded of that these days.
Grab your kids, snuggle up with some popcorn, and have an absolute blast - watching Goonies with family makes it infinitely more enjoyable, and you’ll have a fantastic time. If you don’t end yourself from the incessant rambling chatter that permeates the entire run time.