Sexy Marriage Radio Dr Corey and Pam Allan

In this episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, Dr Corey and Pam discuss the importance of flexibility in marriage and how it relates to facing and dealing with reality.



We explore the concept of love languages and how they may not always lead to more desire or passion in a relationship. What is the difference between being a good companion and being a good lover?



And what's the role of presence and initiation in igniting sexual attraction?



Takeaways



Flexibility is crucial in marriage as it allows couples to face and adjust to the realities of life.

Love languages are important for connection and relationship maintenance, but they may not always lead to sexual desire.

Being a good companion is different from being a good lover, and both aspects are important in a relationship.

Creating an environment that fosters intimacy and desire requires self-awareness, presence, and initiation.

Vacations can ignite passion and desire due to the change in scenery, routine, and relaxation, but it's important to understand and replicate the factors that contribute to the spark at home.

On the Xtended Version ...



What make vulnerability in marriage so difficult?



Is it the motivations behind the vulnerability? I think yes.



Let's explore more.



Enjoy the show!



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In this conversation, GS Youngblood joins me as we discuss his blueprint for masculinity in relationships, which focuses on three elements: respond versus react, provide structure, and create safety.



He emphasizes the importance of simplicity, relationality, and applicability in his framework.



We highlight the significance of emotional resonance, co-regulation, and curiosity in creating a safe and connected relationship.





Learn more from GS Youngblood here - https://www.gsyoungblood.com/



Takeaways





GS Youngblood's blueprint for masculinity in relationships consists of three elements: respond versus react, provide structure, and create safety.

The blueprint emphasizes simplicity, relationality, and applicability in order to be easily understood and implemented by men.

The first element, respond versus react, involves being grounded, still, and choiceful in one's actions.

The second element, provide structure, entails having inner clarity and attunement to oneself and one's partner.

The third element, create safety, focuses on emotional safety, trust-building, emotional resonance, co-regulation, and curiosity.

Embodying the qualities of the masculine blueprint can help men feel more grounded, confident, and connected in their relationships.



On the Xtended Version ...



In the XTD content, we dive deeper into the 3 aspects of the blueprint. The first element, respond versus react, involves being grounded, still, and choiceful in one's actions. The second element, provide structure, entails having inner clarity and attunement to both oneself and one's partner. The third element, create safety, involves emotional safety and trust-building.



Enjoy the show!



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In this conversation, Emily Nagoski joins me as we discuss the creation of her new book on long-term relationships and lasting connections.



We explore the concept of normal sex and the importance of pleasure, authenticity, connection, and vulnerability in maintaining a strong sexual connection. We also dive into the impact of societal myths and expectations on sexual relationships and the need for open and honest communication about desires and boundaries.



In our conversation, we discuss the importance of emotional connection and collaboration in a marriage. Emily shares her personal experiences and how she learned to rely on her partner for support. She also explains the concept of the emotional floor plan and how different emotional states can affect sexual intimacy.



The conversation highlights the need for intentional effort and communication in building a strong sexual connection.



Learn more about Dr Emily here - https://www.emilynagoski.com/



Takeaways



Long-term sexual connections are built on pleasure, authenticity, connection, and vulnerability.

Normal sex is defined as an experience where everyone involved is glad to be there, free to leave with no unwanted consequences, and turns towards what's happening with kindness, compassion, and curiosity.

Societal myths and expectations about sex can create pressure and feelings of inadequacy in relationships.

Open and honest communication about desires and boundaries is crucial for maintaining a strong sexual connection.

Sexual experiences can vary greatly among individuals and change over time, and that is normal. Building a strong sexual connection requires emotional connection and collaboration in a marriage.

Learning to rely on your partner for support is transformative and allows for a deeper level of intimacy.

Understanding the emotional floor plan can help navigate different emotional states and their impact on sexual intimacy.

Accepting help and support from your partner is challenging but necessary for a healthy relationship.

Adventurous sex is not just about trying new things, but also about open communication and expressing your needs and desires.



Enjoy the show!



Sponsors ...



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In this episode we discuss common mistakes that married couples make when it comes to initiating sex. 



There are dynamics of higher desire and lower desire and patterns that make these mistakes so easy to make.



We cover six common mistakes: getting annoyed at being the one who initiates, using covert or roundabout methods of initiation, joking or crude initiations, feeling the need to be as turned on as your partner, using the same initiation method every time, and talking yourself out of initiating. 



Takeaways



Recognize the dynamics of higher desire and lower desire in your relationship

Update your map of each other as you grow and change

Avoid common mistakes in initiation, such as getting annoyed or using covert methods

Focus on connection rather than just sexual fulfillment

Communicate with your spouse about your initiation patterns and desires

Take action to improve your initiation patterns and foster a deeper connection



On the Xtended Version ...



What make authenticity and vulnerability in marriage so difficult?





Is it the motivations behind the vulnerability? The reactions to vulnerable moments? Both?



Let's explore more.



Enjoy the show!



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On the Regular Version ...



In this conversation, and old blogging friend, Joshua Becker, joins me to discuss the journey and benefits of minimalism.



We talk about his personal experience with minimalism and how it has positively impacted his life, relationships, and finances. We also explore strategies for dealing with a spouse's resistance to minimalism and the importance of the master bedroom as a sanctuary.



Joshua also emphasizes the need for love, patience, and humility when approaching minimalism as a couple. 



Learn more about Joshua here https://www.becomingminimalist.com/



Takeaways



Minimalism can positively impact various aspects of life, including relationships, finances, and overall well-being.

Approaching minimalism with love, patience, and humility is essential when dealing with a spouse's resistance.

The master bedroom can serve as a sanctuary for rest and intimacy, and decluttering this space can enhance its purpose.

Protecting the master bedroom from tension and negative conversations can contribute to a more peaceful and meaningful environment.

Minimalism involves harnessing what matters most and removing distractions to focus on one's values and priorities.



On the Xtended Version ...



In the XTD content, Pam and I talk about our journey with the minimalist mindset and how it has played out in our life and marriage.



Enjoy the show!



Sponsors ...



One Skin: Get 15% off OneSkin with our code SMR at https://oneskin.co 

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In this episode, we discuss the importance of date nights in marriage and offer a unique tip to make them more enjoyable.



It's the idea of having sex before going out on a date to possibly relieve the pressure and create a deeper connection. We provide practical ideas for incorporating this tip into date nights, such as getting ready together, having sex in the morning, or asking the babysitter to take the kids out for a while.



It is also important to expand and challenge the script of traditional date nights.



Takeaways



Date nights are important for maintaining a strong marriage.

Having sex before a date night can relieve pressure and create a deeper connection.

Practical ideas for incorporating sex into date nights include getting ready together, having sex in the morning, or asking the babysitter to take the kids out.

Expanding and challenging the script of traditional date nights can make them more enjoyable and fulfilling.



On the Xtended Version ...



The world of self-help and self-improvement at times only works on one aspect of the equation. 



There is also self-healing that is just as important. The areas where you work on your shadow self.



We explore both today. 



Enjoy the show!



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