The Covert Narcissism Podcast Renee Swanson

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below. 

https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast  

 
I am absolutely privileged to have my oldest son join me one more time for a guest episode. In today's episode, we address two specific topics:
Is there a right timing for divorce based on the ages of the kids?
What did your mom do right and what did she do wrong in supporting you?
 
If even one parent can learn from my journey with my son, then I eagerly share our story. This is a glimpse of 22 years with my boy in a tough home environment. Nothing has taught me more about myself and life than being a mom. May you find awareness, support, hope and peace on your own journey!
 
Mentioned in the podcast is the video below
The Most Powerful Way to Protect Your Kids from Pathological Narcissism

My mind has never worked so hard, ever in my entire life. I hit a level of mental overdrive that I did not know existed.  Overthinking, over analyzing, over fixing, overcompensating, over monitoring. Over, and over, and over.
This did not happen overnight. It wasn’t day one in the relationship. It was gradual. How did it happen?
Early in my marriage, I told him he had toothpaste on his mouth. He blew up and it shocked me to my core. And it never got resolved. So, lesson learned. I’ll never say that again.
I hung some new pictures on the wall while he was at work. He came home and trapped me in a circular conversation. I had no idea what was going on, but I certainly did not like it. I’ll never do that again.
I asked our son to help him in the kitchen. He stormed off in a silent rage and full-blown victim mode. I believe that our son should help in the kitchen, so I’ll work harder to say it the right way next time. What does that look like? What words work and which ones don’t?
I asked him if he could pick our kids up from an activity. Back in yet another circular conversation. So now I’ll work harder to find the right time to ask things. What kind of mood was he in? What non-verbal cues can I find?
On and on this went, weeks, months, years, decades. All the while, I just work harder. I’ll never say that again. I’ll never do that again. I’ll make sure I say this at the right time or in the right way.  Always watching for those good moments, while dodging all the unpleasant ones. I became excessively hypervigilant and didn’t even know it.
 
 

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below. 
https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast  
 
Why can't I explain it to my friends? Why don't they get it? Why does it all sound so petty and trivial? When I’m trying to explain it to someone, I even think I sound petty. But it’s not! There is nothing petty about the nightmare that you are living! It sucks and you need people around you that get it, that understand.
Covert narcissistic abuse is a nearly invisible abuse. It is hidden in things that are a normal part of life; little disagreements, a bad mood here and there, a short word out of the blue, a misunderstanding. These events sound petty when describing them because they ARE petty. At least they should be. They should be tiny bumps on the road of life. When you are with a covert narcissist though, they are un passable mountains.
In a non-toxic relationship, these are small issues that disappear after reconciliation. In a toxic relationship, they never disappear. They pile on top of each other for years and decades.
When you find someone else who has lived it, you know it. You can sense it when you talk with them. Find a small support group and quit trying to explain it to anyone who doesn't get it. Remember, you have nothing to prove to anyone! You don't owe anyone an explanation or reason for what happened!

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below. 
https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast  
 

 
Dorothy's journey on the yellow brick road is a journey of a lifetime with a covert narcissist. She firmly believes that this path is the right path to get her home, or back to herself once again. She is convinced that the Wizard of Oz is her rescuer, savior. He will fix everything for her. He is her knight in shining armor.
 
The three companions that she acquires along the way show the effects that covert narcissism has on its victims. The scarecrow believes he has no brain, which is exactly how a covert narcissistic victim feels after living with years of gaslighting and circular conversations. The Tin Man believes he has no heart, which is true of victims who now feel calloused and mean. The lion has no courage or nerve, which is the trap where the victim of covert narcissistic abuse believes that they could never leave or even stand up for themselves.
 
In the end, these three companions learn that they have had these elements within themselves all along. And Dorothy learns that she has the ability to return home anytime she wants. No one can tell her this because she has to see it for herself, but it is within her all along. Returning to yourself is the journey of healing for victims of covert narcissistic abuse. You have the ability within you and have all along. It is time to see this and begin that journey. There is no place like home!
 

 
Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allen Woolf.Based on the book by L. Frank Baum.Last revised March 15, 1939.
Script used for research, quotes, and content can be found at
https://sfy.ru/script/wizard_of_oz_1939

It is my great privilege to introduce to you my oldest son. After living this nightmare in our home for 18 years, he now shares his perspective for the very first time.
Here he answers some questions that were put forth from my listeners:

When did the light bulb go on for you that something wasn’t right here?


Did you carry the weight of this situation? Did you blame yourself?


In looking back, is there something you wish you had done or known differently or sooner, for your mental health?


What impact has this had on you?


Is there a silver lining in what you have experienced? Something that benefits you going forward?


What does your relationship with your father look like from here?

 
When you are young, your whole life is your parents. Everyone’s childhood has an impact on them. No one gets through childhood unscathed. So many kids go through this and then blame themselves for everything that goes wrong, carrying the pain and trauma forward into the next generation. It is time to break this generational curse!

To donate to the Covert Narcissism Podcast and receive your free copy of chapter one of my upcoming book, potentially titled: Grasping Covert Narcissism, Catching A Ghost, click the link below. 
https://patron.podbean.com/covertnarcissismpodcast  
 
To sign up for the our new Men's Group Session, click the link below.
https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-session
 
We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz. 
Because, because, because, because….because of the wonderful things he does?
Who is this wonderful Wizard? He introduces himself to Dorothy as, I am Oz, the Great and Powerful. He says this with smoke billowing, fire flaring, and a dominant image of fear and intimidation.
Yet everyone loves him. Why?? Why don’t they see the mean, daunting, threatening, terrorizing wizard that is behind the closed doors? Does no one ever see this side of him? Such is life with a covert narcissist.
The Wizard of Oz plays the part of a covert narcissist. Putting on this amazing show of how great and wonderful he is while doing absolutely nothing to help any of these travel companions. Yet everyone is so incredibly enthralled by the Wizard and his supposed greatness that there is no way that Dorothy could ever question that publicly. In fact, Dorothy becomes enthralled with him too. This old classic shows just how easy it is to get roped in by the hooks of covert narcissism.


 

 
Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson and Edgar Allen Woolf.Based on the book by L. Frank Baum.Last revised March 15, 1939.
Script used for research, quotes, and content can be found at
https://sfy.ru/script/wizard_of_oz_1939