Shades of Love by Anthea Ong Anthea Ong

In this episode based on the book chapter called STOP, I invite Corinna Lim to join me in a conversation about gender parity and identity. 
"My first thought of who I would like to have a conversation with on this shade of love on gender and identity was of course Corinna Lim. Many know Corinna as a former lawyer and one of Singapore’s most prominent women’s rights activists for close to 30 years as well as the current Executive Director of Aware, the Association of Women for Action and Research. But most may not know that Corinna is a twin, a former national squash player and also a Fulbright Scholar." 
Join us as we share openly about our fathers, the role of fatherhood in perpetuating or eradicating gender inequalities, what is toxic masculinity and what it means to achieve a state of gender parity that both women and men can enjoy. 
 
Also, come find out why the Double Coconut plant in the Singapore Botanic Gardens is paired with this shade of love in the book!  
 
MY INVITATION TO YOU: How have your family history and traditions shaped the way you see the world, and how you live your life?
 
RESOURCES: 
AWARE Women’s Care and Sexual Assault Centre https://www.aware.org.sg/womens-care-centre/overview/ 
SCWO https://www.aware.org.sg/womens-care-centre/overview/ 
WINGS https://www.wings.sg/ 
Pave https://www.pave.org.sg/ 
Babes Pregnancy Crisis Support https://www.babes.org.sg/ 
PPIS Singapore Muslim Women’s Association https://ppis.sg/ 

CW: Mental Health, Suicide Ideation, Substance Use
In this episode based on the book chapter called PRETEND, I invite Rayner Tan to join me in a conversation about imposter syndrome, identity and youth mental health. 
"When I was thinking of who I would love to have a conversation with on this shade of love on our public and personal identities, and how our gender shapes the way we view the world, a dear friend came to mind, Rayner Tan. I first met Rayner at a public health seminar where we were both speaking, and I was very taken to the way he introduced himself to the audience as a gay man. He’s the only man I know so far who has 4 cats, ran his own pastry cafe, now still a partner of Patisserie G and also a full time researcher in the Saw See Hock School for Public Health at NUS." 
Join us for an exploration on identity, impostor syndrome, youth mental health and self-worth. I come clean about pretending to have a boyfriend in my teenage years because of my defects and discrimination whilst Rayner shares about how he also dealt with feeling like an imposter as a Chinese gay man and how that affected his notions of self-worth. 
 
Also, come find out why the Chinese Banyan is paired with this shade of love in the book!  
 
MY INVITATION TO YOU: How do you value yourself? How does your gender and sexual orientation determine the way you view the world?
 
RESOURCES: 
(For substance use and recovery support)
The Green House https://thegreenhouse.sg/ 
(For LGBTQ+ counselling)
Ooga Chaga https://oogachaga.com/ / 
Sayoni https://www.sayoni.com/  / 
T-project  https://www.thetprojectsg.org/ 
CHAT https://www.chat.mentalhealth.sg/mobile/about-chat/ 

In this episode based on the book chapter called ADAPT, I invite Zulhaqem Zulkifli to join me in a conversation about poverty, dignity and meritocracy. 
"When I was thinking of who I would like to have a conversation with on this shade of love regarding dignity, agency and poverty, I immediately thought of my new young friend - Zulhaqem Zulkifli who has an incredible tale of twists and turns and whose father is also central to much of how he has been shaped. Not even 30 yet, Zul has a bagful of experience from sleeping in void decks to collecting cardboards to now studying his Masters in Oxford where he’s zooming in for today’s conversation. I remember reading about him in the papers because he is clearly newsworthy as a quintessential Singapore boy made-good story and also remembering how proud yet curious I was about his choice to pursue Buddhist studies." 
Join us for an exploration on meritocracy and intergenerational social mobility in this honest conversation on the growing class divide in Singapore. 
 
Also, come find out why the Walking Palms is paired with this shade of love in the book!  
 
MY INVITATION TO YOU: How have you adapted yourself in tough situations? What does that say about your values? 
RESOURCES: 
Project Hills https://www.facebook.com/projecthills/ 
A Good Space http://www.agoodspace.org/ 
Social collaborative or socialcollab.sg http://wiki.socialcollab.sg/index.php/Main_Page 
CAPE Community for Advocacy & Political Education – a student-run organisation based at Yale-NUS College https://cape.commons.yale-nus.edu.sg/ 
 

In this episode based on the book chapter called RISE, I invite Alfian Sa'at to join me in a conversation about the arts and measures of success.  

"When I was thinking of who I would like to have a conversation with on this shade of love on success and social acceptance, a friend whom I’m a big fan of was my first thought because the choices he made as a young adult could not have been more different from mine. Prior to that, we would have been seen as following a trajectory that would make all Singaporean parents proud - we both went to neighbourhood primary schools, moved on to top schools and then landed at the National University of Singapore. I finished business school and started my career as a young banker but this friend, Alfian Sa’at who’s more than a few years younger than me, attended medical school but chose to take a road less travelled that led him to become one of Singapore’s most acclaimed and prolific artists - Alfian is a writer, poet and playwright and currently the resident playwright for theatre group, WildRice." 
This is a plain-spoken and enlightening conversation between two people who have had such contrasting life trajectories yet are charmingly similar in the way they have let themselves be led by life to find meaning in arts and community.
 
Also, come find out why the Tualang tree is paired with this shade of love in the book!  
 
MY INVITATION TO YOU: How do you define success? What is the story you are writing for yourself? 
RESOURCES:   
WildRice https://www.wildrice.com.sg/  
TheatreWorks  http://theatreworks.org.sg/cover/home.htm 
The Necessary Stage https://www.necessary.org/ 
DramaBox http://www.dramabox.org/ 
Ethos Books https://www.ethosbooks.com.sg/ 
Epigram Books https://epigrambookshop.sg/ 

CW: Suicide, Youth Mental Health and Abortion

 
In this episode based on the book chapter called PARDON, I invite Linda Collins to join me to explore the difficult topics of abortion, suicide and youth mental health. 

"When I was thinking of who I would trust to have an intimate conversation with on this shade of love of loss and forgiveness that still shakes me, Linda Collins came to mind. I met Linda for the first time with a few mothers a couple of years back. United by the loss of their children to suicide, they founded the Please Stay Movement in Oct 2019. A survivor herself, Linda lost her beloved daughter - Victoria McLeod in 2014 when Victoria was 17. Linda generously shared her loss and grief through her book, Loss Adjustment which she gifted me with a copy at that first meeting. The pain of her loss permeates every page of the book yet the clarity and honesty of her words made it impossible to stop reading. I finished the book in one reading that weekend. Linda is also a copy editor with The Straits Times and has just published a poetic response to Loss Adjustment called Sign Language for the Death of Reason."
Join us for an exploration on guilt and forgiveness through a most heartfelt conversation that breaks through the silence and stigma on abortion and suicide. 
 
Also, come find out why the English Yew is paired with this shade of love in the book!  



MY INVITATION TO YOU:
What guilt do you need to release yourself from in order to move forward? What can you do to forgive yourself?   
RESOURCES: 
Find out more about the book, Loss Adjustment, at https://www.ethosbooks.com.sg/products/loss-adjustment 

Caregivers' Alliance https://www.cal.org.sg/
Samaritans of Singapore  https://www.sos.org.sg/ 
Please Stay Movement https://www.pleasestaymovement.com/ 
Child Bereavement Support Group https://www.cbss.sg/ 
CHAT https://www.chat.mentalhealth.sg/ 
Shan You Counselling https://www.shanyou.org.sg/ 

In this episode based on the book chapter called RELEASE, I invite Susan de Silva to join me for a conversation on transitions. 
 
“I was initially scratching my head about who to have a conversation with on this shade of love about holding on tightly and letting go lightly, of groundbreaking transitions. And then viola, Susan was sent to me that week with a group of lawyers who wanted to discuss mental wellbeing for the legal industry! Unlike me who has always been seduced by possibilities especially in my work and vocation, Susan spent 30 years as a top corporate and employment lawyer before deciding to switch to what might seem to be the other end of the line 2 1/2 years ago to become a life coach.”
 
So how do we allow ourselves to be released from the old so we can grow into and with the new? Join us as we explore our respective experiences with fear and possibilities, and how courage is the fuel, the muscle, to move from the old to the new. 
 
Also, come find out why the Oak tree is paired with this shade of love in the book!  



MY INVITATION TO YOU: What and who in your life do you need to let go of in order to be who you can be, and to live the life you are here to live? 
 
RESOURCES: 
International Coach Federation Singapore Chapter https://www.icfsingapore.org/about-us.html