I Love You, Too

Relationship Center
I Love You, Too

Research indicates that relationships are the key to living a happy, long life. But healthy relationships aren’t always easy to build, particularly if you’re shy, anxious, or still reeling from past hurts. Join psychotherapist, couples counselor, and dating coach, Jessica Engle, and professional certified coach, Josh Van Vliet, on “I Love You, Too,” a show all about how to build and sustain meaningful relationships. Josh and Jessica, a real-life couple, will share evidence-based yet heart-filled techniques to help you find love, friendship, and the community you crave.

  1. 14 ENE

    (Rebroadcast) What to look for in a long-term partner

    What makes a good long-term partner, according to science? And why is it important to be mindful when we are choosing who to settle down with? In this episode, we dig into the research about what to look for and — equally important — what not to look for in a long-term partner. Plus, how do you clarify what you need in a partner? How can you differentiate between dealbreakers and “nice-to-haves” so that you can more effectively date? Key Takeaways 00:00:00 - Intro and episode overview 00:02:42 - Why be mindful of who we choose as a long-term partner? 00:06:14 - What science says about what makes a good long-term partner 00:25:19 - What doesn’t make someone a good partner, according to research 00:51:21 - How to clarify what you need in a partner 01:04:40 - How to clarify what you want vs. what you need Resources Mentioned For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Downloadable Guide: What to look for in a long-term partner (includes the Relationship Inventory and the Ideal Mate Exercise) Warren Buffett says the most important decision you’ll ever make has nothing to do with your money or career Study from Tel Aviv: Dissatisfaction with Married Life in Men Is Related to Increased Stroke and All-Cause Mortality Harvard Study of Adult Development Plays Well with Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong, By Eric Barker The Gottman Institute How to Not Die Alone, by Logan Ury Deeper Dating, by Ken Page People Are Dating All Wrong, According to Data Science Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you! If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation. To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter. If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you. Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

    1 h y 15 min
  2. 10/12/2024

    Dating Skills Series (4 of 4)- Neurodivergent Skills

    Dear Listener, welcome to the final episode of our Dating Skills Series! In this installment, we focus on neurodivergent dating skills, offering insights into how autistics, ADHDers, highly sensitive people, and otherwise neurodivergent people may express affection, flirt, and show romantic interest. Whether you’re neurodivergent and struggling with dating, or a neurotypical crushing on a neurodivergent cutie, this episode is packed with valuable information. Join us as we explore key neurodivergent dating skills, including: 1. Story Swapping: Understand how neurodivergent individuals might share stories to connect and show empathy. 2. Managing Stimulation: Learn strategies for adjusting the sensory environment on dates to feel more comfortable and present. 3. Cooperative Overlap: Discover how some neurodivergent people may interrupt out of enthusiasm, showing they’re engaged in the conversation. 4. Info Dumping: Find out why delving into a favorite topic deeply can be a sign of interest and connection. 5. Focus on Verbal Communication: Explore why direct language and less emphasis on tone or nonverbal cues might be the norm in neurodivergent communication. We also delve into how autistic people might express romantic love, the role of noncompliance as an adaptive skill, and the importance of creating authentic connections without masking. By the end of this episode, you’ll gain a deeper appreciation of neurodivergent dating skills and practical strategies for building meaningful relationships. Tune in and learn how to connect with your neurodivergent date in ways that honor their unique communication style (and fight ableism, too, yay!). Key Takeaways 00:00 - Intro 01:33 - Understanding Neurodivergence 04:31 - Why learn neurodivergent dating skills? 13:24 - #1: Story swapping 15:58 - #2: Manage Stimulation on Dates 20:17 - #3: Cooperative Overlap 24:26 - #4: Info dumping about special interests 27:00 - #5: Focus on verbal communication 29:23 - #6: Honest and direct language 31:02 - #7: Focus on meaning of words 34:02 - #8: Skip the small talk 35:42 - #9: Ask lots of questions in pursuit of accuracy 38:08 - #10: Parallel play 40:14 - #11: Non-compliance 43:08 - Recap Resources and links For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Embrace Autism Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, By Devon Price, PhD Neurowild Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you! If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation. To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter. If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you. Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and...

    47 min
  3. 12/11/2024

    Dating Skills Series (3 of 4)- Building Intimacy

    Dear Listener, welcome to the third episode of our Dating Skills Series! In this installment, we dive deep into the art of building intimacy, a crucial aspect of creating chemistry and emotional connections on your dates. This episode is for you if you are frequently “friend-zoned” or struggle to get past first or second dates. Join us as we explore five key skills for building intimacy on a date: Self-Affirm: Learn how to shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, allowing you to show up confidently and authentically.Play: Discover how to bring lightness and joy into your interactions, making your dates more fun and engaging.Assert: Master the art of clearly and respectfully communicating your desires while giving your date space to express theirs.Reveal: Enhance emotional closeness by sharing your feelings and encouraging your date to do the same.Touch: Understand how to move from friendly to flirty touch, using your intuition and your date’s cues to gauge comfort and interest. “Paul” and “Petunia” return, so don’t miss their silly, touching examples of how to get playful, flirtatious, and deep.  Tune in to learn how to emotionally connect with your date, create intimate moments, and understand the role of physical touch in building chemistry. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical strategies to help you build connections that might blossom into joyful, lifelong love. Key Takeaways 00:00 - Intro 03:84 - #1: Self-Affirm 06:26 - #2: Play 16:28 - #3: Assert 22:25 - #4: Reveal 27:43 - #5: Touch 34:04 - Recap Resources and links For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Free Dating Skills Infographics Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you! If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation. To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter. If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you. Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

    37 min
  4. 08/10/2024

    Dating Skills Series (2 of 4) - Juicy Conversations

    Are you struggling to keep conversations flowing on dates, Dear Listener? Rest assured, you're not alone – one of the most common questions we receive is, What should I talk about on a date? Join us for part two of our four-part dating skills series, where we are here to guide you in improving your conversation skills. In this episode, we delve into 'juicy conversations' and explore how to keep a conversation going and build rapport effectively. Learn five key skills to enhance your dating conversations: Tapping into Your Senses: Engage your senses to stay present and responsive.Asking Open-Ended and Deep Questions: Learn what deep questions to ask to foster connection.Active Listening: Show genuine interest and understanding in your date's responses.Lingering in Conversations and Silences: Embrace pauses to allow deeper connections to form.Using 'Yes, And': Build connections by affirming and expanding on your date’s ideas. Practical demos highlight what to do and what not to do on dates, giving you actionable insights and equipping you with the necessary tools for creating and sustaining meaningful relationships. By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away prepared and confident, with practical strategies to improve your conversation skills, ensuring your dates are engaging, meaningful, and successful. Tune in and transform your dating conversations into deeper, more rewarding connections. Key Takeaways 00:00 - Intro 02:20 - #1: Sense 06:26 - #2: Open 18:09 - #3: Listen 27:16 - #4: Linger 36:41 - #5: Yes, And 45:02 - Summary and Conclusion Resources and links For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Free Dating Skills Infographics Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you! If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation. To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter. If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you. Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

    47 min
  5. 10/09/2024

    Dating Skills Series (1 of 4) - Positive Nonverbal Communication

    Dear Listener, welcome to the first episode of our Dating Skills Series! We delve into the foundational aspects of positive nonverbal communication, which are essential for creating connections and building attraction on a date. Whether you're a seasoned dater or just starting, these skills are crucial for getting past a first date and building meaningful connections. Join us as we explore key aspects of positive nonverbal communication: 1. Breathe: Use your breath to calm and center so you can present your best self. 2. Open Body Language: Show openness and availability through your posture. 3. Smile: Grin genuinely to indicate attraction and create a warm atmosphere. 4. Eye Contact: Harness the power of eye contact to build connection and trust. 5. Mirror: Subtly mimicking your date's body language to establish rapport. Tune in to learn the answers to questions like: What is positive nonverbal communication on a date? What are examples of nonverbal flirting? How does smiling indicate attraction? Discover the power of eye contact and open body language, and enhance your social skills for dating success. Key Takeaways 00:00 - Intro 02:39 - Why dating skills? 07:18 - The five positive nonverbal communication skills 7:58 - #1: Breathe 10:23 - #2: Open 13:13 - #3: Smiling 15:58 - #4: Eye contact 21:39 - #5: Mirroring Resources and links For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Free Dating Skills Infographics Ep. 3 - How to flirt like a feminist Non-Creepy Flirting: Signs, Confidence, & Respectful Tactics Free Quiz: Why am I Still Single? Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you! If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation. To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter. If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you. Lastly, we’d love it if you would leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts. And be sure to hit subscribe while you’re there so you never miss an episode!

    28 min
  6. 13/08/2024

    How to Use Conflict to Make Your Relationship Stronger

    In this episode, Dear Listener, we dive into some of the most pressing questions about conflict in relationships: Why do we tend to avoid conflict? Why is it important to have conflict? And what is the best way to resolve a conflict? Today's special guest is Julie Barr, LMFT, an expert couples therapist and beloved Relationship Center clinician. She returns to explore the nuances of conflict and its critical role in building stronger relationships. Julie Barr pulls from her 30+ years of experience supporting couples to share her expert insights on why we often shy away from conflict and the potential pitfalls of avoiding it. We begin by unpacking the common reasons behind our instinct to steer clear of conflict, from childhood experiences to societal norms. Understanding these underlying factors sets the stage for appreciating the value of healthy conflict. Julie explains how conflict, when approached with the right mindset, can lead to deeper understanding and connection between partners. The discussion then moves to practical strategies for resolving conflicts effectively. Julie outlines a step-by-step process for navigating disagreements, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, preparation, and communication. Don’t miss Jessica and Julie’s role-play of an argument illustrating how couples can shift from adversaries to allies by adopting a collaborative approach to conflict. By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clear roadmap for transforming conflicts into opportunities for growth and intimacy. Learn how to use conflict to strengthen your relationship, ensuring both partners feel heard, understood, and valued. Tune in now to discover the best practices for resolving conflicts and fostering a harmonious, loving partnership. Key Takeaways 02:03 - Why do we tend to avoid conflict? 08:43 - Why is it important to have conflict? 16:27 - What is the best way to resolve a conflict? Resources and links For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Ep. 22 - How I-Statements can improve your relationship (examples for couples) I-Statements: A Therapist's #1 Communication Skill for Couples Who Fight Too Much Fair Fighting Rules for Couples: How to Resolve Conflict Effectively in Relationships The Four Horsemen: The Antidotes, strategies for addressing negative communication patterns in relationships, from the Gottman Institute Imago Dialogue: The Basic Steps Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you! If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team (including Julie Barr), go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free

    57 min
  7. 09/07/2024

    How to Avoid Toxic Relationships Using Compatibility Experiments

    Are you tired of finding yourself in toxic relationships, Dear Listener? Wondering how to break the cycle and find someone who truly complements you? Then this episode is tailor-made for you! Join us as we introduce a practical 5-step process that you can use to finally find healthy, lasting love. We begin with an overview of the four keys to avoiding toxic relationships, then delve into the crucial practice of mindfully assessing compatibility. Learn how to conduct compatibility experiments that quickly clarify your relationship's health. Jessica and Josh share personal anecdotes and practical tips to illustrate how fear-based dating practices lead to high-conflict relationships and what you can do instead. By the end of this episode, you'll be equipped with a five-step process that is invaluable in avoiding toxic relationships and mindfully evaluating your potential partners. From clarifying your relationship vision to assessing the data collected from compatibility experiments, you’ll gain the tools to create a loving, secure partnership. Key Takeaways 00:00 - Intro 01:45 - How do I stop getting into toxic relationships? 05:58 - Mindfully assessing compatibility 13:19 - Fear-based dating vs. mindfully assessing compatibility 24:26 - The five steps to mindfully assessing compatibility Resources and links For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People by Lindsay C. Gibson Ep. 2 - What to Look for in a Long-Term Partner What to Look for in Partner free guide Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by John Gottman Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman Ph.D., Doug Abrams,  and Rachel Carlton Abrams M.D. Ep. 12 - Dating While Healing From Trauma Ep. 4 - How pacing can help you find love that lasts Big Talk and Heart-Opening Questions: Conversation Tips for Shy Introverts Who Can’t Seem to Find an LTR Have a question or comment? Email us at podcast@relationshipcenter.com. We love hearing from you! If you’d like to work with one of the talented clinicians on our team, go to relationshipcenter.com/apply-now to apply for a free 30-minute consultation. To get a monthly email with our best content, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter. If something in this episode touched you, will you share it with a friend? That helps us reach more sweet humans like you. Lastly, we’d love it if you would...

    53 min
  8. 11/06/2024

    Navigating Dating & Relationships When Your Sexuality or Gender is in Flux

    Are you wondering, "Do I have to tell my date that I'm queer or trans?" or "Should I tell my partner if I'm questioning my gender or sexuality?" In this episode, we dive into the fluidity of gender and sexuality in relationships with our special guest, Nicole Penrod (she/they). Nicole, an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, dating coach, and couples counselor on our team at the Relationship Center, shares their expertise in navigating these deeply personal topics. We begin by addressing the crucial question of when and how to disclose your queer or trans identity in dating scenarios. Nicole provides thoughtful insights into the factors to consider, emphasizing personal safety and authenticity. Whether you are settled in your identity or using dating as a space to explore, this episode offers guidance on approaching disclosure in a way that feels right for you. Moving into established relationships, we discuss the importance of sharing shifts in your gender or sexual identity with your partner. Nicole highlights the necessity of open communication and the potential pros and cons of hiding such significant aspects of yourself. We explore strategies for discussing these changes, maintaining trust, and fostering an environment of mutual support and understanding in an intimate relationship. Nicole also covers practical ways to explore your sexuality or gender within a relationship. From engaging with community resources and media to journaling exercises and considering ethical non-monogamy, they offer a variety of tools to help you navigate your journey. By the end of this episode, you'll understand how to handle sensitive discussions when your gender or sexuality is in flux.  Nicole offers invaluable insights to help you develop the confidence to embrace your true self in your relationships. Key Takeaways 00:00 - Intro 02:54 - Do I have to tell my date that I'm queer or trans? 26:34 - Should I tell my partner if I'm trans or queer? 43:21 - How do I explore my sexuality or gender in a relationship? Resources and links For full show notes with links, visit relationshipcenter.com/podcast Gender Reveal podcast Gender Stories podcast Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern Alok To get more free dating, relationship, and social anxiety advice, go to relationshipcenter.com/newsletter to sign up for – you guessed it – our newsletter! Looking for some help finding your person? Visit relationshipcenter.com

    56 min

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Research indicates that relationships are the key to living a happy, long life. But healthy relationships aren’t always easy to build, particularly if you’re shy, anxious, or still reeling from past hurts. Join psychotherapist, couples counselor, and dating coach, Jessica Engle, and professional certified coach, Josh Van Vliet, on “I Love You, Too,” a show all about how to build and sustain meaningful relationships. Josh and Jessica, a real-life couple, will share evidence-based yet heart-filled techniques to help you find love, friendship, and the community you crave.

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