Pandemic Mama Irina Gonzalez from Parenting in Hard Mode

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Growing up, I always felt like I was “different” than other kids.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m an immigrant (my family came to the U.S. just after my 8th birthday), have a unique background (half Russian, half Cuban), or if even back then I had a subconscious understanding that I’m queer and neurodivergent.
Or perhaps it’s just a little bit of childhood trauma due to being parented by a narcissist who early on called me “weird,” the “black sheep of the family,” and often wondered why I couldn’t be “normal.”
As a teen, I rebelled against those labels thrown on me by the people who supposedly love me unconditionally (hint: not a possibility for narcissists) by instead embracing my weirdness, the things that made me unique, and constantly saying that normal doesn’t exist.
I even came out as bisexual to my family and friends when I was 16 years old in 2002, something that my friends embraced and my parents got angry about and then pretty much ignored. (I wouldn’t know I’m neurodivergent until age 35.)
Basically, all the positive things I said about the things that made me “different” fell on deaf ears at home, but I embraced them nonetheless. As soon as I could, I escaped my hometown of southwest Florida to go to college in New York City—and I found my people and myself there.
Being different was a strength there, and finding community with other Latinx people, with other queer people, with other different people was easy. It’s where I felt most at home and still do. But life circumstances took me out of the city that I’ll always call home after 12 happy years, and it’s now been eight years since I truly felt like I belonged where I lived.
Leaving New York was the right decision but one that still pains me—especially because living in another big city isn’t an option either. For a while, I lived in my suburb-without-an-urban-area-nearby hometown in Florida—where I met and fell in love with my husband and had our child—and now live outside of Denver. Close enough that it’s not difficult to visit but far enough that going to the city needs to be planned out and, well, I kinda need a good reason to do.
“I’m stuck in the burbs” is something I’ve often said to my closest friends, most of whom still live in NYC. Or “I’m in suburban hell” when I’m having a particularly frustrating day feeling not quite like myself.
My feelings about leaving New York are still complicated and there are still many things I grieve about my life there—many of which involve the diverse communities I was a part of while living there. Whether it was singing karaoke at Marie’s Crisis while spotting Danny Strong joining in nearby or attempting to try every single burger at Burger Bash during NYC Wine & Food Festival back when it was hosted by Bobby Flay or taking the N train through three boroughs to visit Flushing Chinatown and my favorite panaderia in Sunset Park all in one day, there is just something about the city that I haven’t found anywhere else.
And as I recently realized in therapy, NYC was probably a spectacular place to live in as someone with undiagnosed Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
There are a million things I can think of off the top of my head that made my life in my 20s pretty perfect for my ADHD brain—and almost all of those things are not possible in my life today. I don’t regret where my life has taken me or the way my chosen family changed over the years, but I still miss the things that made me feel the most “me”

Irina Gonzalez, journalist, toddler mom, and the host talks with three-time return guest Kelly Fitzgerald Junco. She is a writer and sobriety advocate. In her previous two episodes, she talked with us about pregnancy anxiety and postpartum grief. This time, she comes on to give us an update about what the past year of the pandemic has been like while living in Florida, the difficulty of finding a daycare that fits her family's safety requirements, and what it's like to work on accepting your postpartum body during a pandemic.

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Our first return guest! Irina talks with Kelly Fitzgerald Junco, a writer and blogger behind The Sober Señorita, and a new mom who first appeared in Episode 4 of Pandemic Mama. They talked about her birth story, figuring out breastfeeding, and the many forms of grief she is dealing with today. Plus, how she is getting used to her postpartum body after being an athlete for the past several years.

Join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents having babies in 2020 and 2021, follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, and email your questions to pandemicmamapod@gmail.com.


Get full access to Parenting in Hard Mode at irinagonzalez.substack.com/subscribe

Irina talks with Adam, an engineer, amateur podcast editor, new dad, and her husband! They talked about the stress he felt in the last weeks of pregnancy, what happened during the birth from his perspective, and how this last year has been with their baby Rio. Plus, all of the decision fatigue and how they have conquered baby sleep issues. Sort of.

Join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents having babies in 2020 and 2021, follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, and email your questions to pandemicmamapod@gmail.com.


Get full access to Parenting in Hard Mode at irinagonzalez.substack.com/subscribe

In this very special episode of the Pandemic Mama podcast, Irina asked some of the past guests to share what they have been up to since their episodes aired and reflect on the last year of parenting as we recognize and mourn a full year of living in the COVID-19 pandemic. But not all the stories are sad! There are stories full of grief, longing, some happiness, renewed hope, and even a silver lining or two.

Join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents having babies in 2020 and 2021, follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, and email your questions to pandemicmamapod@gmail.com.


Get full access to Parenting in Hard Mode at irinagonzalez.substack.com/subscribe

Irina talks with Nancy Sanchez. She is a stay-at-home mom of five girls. They talked about her induction on the day after the pandemic was announced last year, how up and down the fourth trimester was, and how it’s been difficult to enjoy this past year.  Plus, why homeschooling was the right choice for her and her girls this year.

Join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents having babies in 2020 and 2021, follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, and email your questions to pandemicmamapod@gmail.com.


Get full access to Parenting in Hard Mode at irinagonzalez.substack.com/subscribe