Kagro in the Morning David Waldman

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin hauled in another Raft o’ Stories™ for us, but the big news surfaced while we were on the air. FDA v. Hippocratic Alliance was decided by SCOTUS to lack standing. It was mostly wingnut target practice, so expect more potshots later.
Southern Baptists voted to oppose in vitro fertilization, but rejected a tighter ban on women pastors. They better pick up the pace on their traditional fertilizing, if they don’t want to go out like the Shakers. For now, they butter the Gop’s bread, so Republicans will say or do anything to oppose Democratic IVF protections.
In their spare time, while not smoking vapes and Dems on the baseball field, Republicans got their lulz in by holding Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt. Dave Joyce was the only Gop not laughing.
God is on Israel’s side, and also on the Gazans’, which is the reason that their war shall go on for all eternity. The only path to peace is to give God a little time off the field.
In France, President Emmanuel Macron wants to give citizens one more chance to fix things.
Rugged individualist Clarence Thomas’ “son” grew up to be as ruggedly individualistic as the old man, it’s just that he didn’t choose billionaires for his circle of friends.
Ace KITM Correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor returns with the news that Michigan state House Speaker Lee Chatfield and his wife finally ran out of expense accounts and charity funds to drain, and are soon to have their room and board supplied to them by the state.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin haul in the humongous hump day Raft O’ Stories™.
Today is the second Wednesday that Donald Trump has been a convicted felon. It’s the first Wednesday for Hunter Biden, which is all exactly how Hunter and Joe rigged it, probably in league somehow with Steven KG Bannon.
Another Wednesday means more primary news! Thirstiest member of Congress, Nancy Mace lives to be thirsty again. Sherrod Brown holds the blue in reddening Ohio, where Democrats still lose, but they lose well. Ohio, not taking any chances, purged 150 thousand voters.
Overall, President Joe Biden leads in the fundamentals, which is almost as good as leading in the polls. Most Americans won’t vote for anyone who supports banning abortion, IVF, or contraception, unless they are lied to, or lie to themselves prior to voting. Let’s hope that double haters don’t hate both sides equally. If only Joe can communicate the reality of the economy to people not that into reality.
Perhaps a draft will snap those voters out of their slumber.
Has Sam Alito told you today that you can kiss his ass? Or does Martha-Ann need to embroider that on a flag for you?

Some unexpected international headline news today: Dr. Saulos Chilima, the Vice President of Malawi died in a plane crash.
Closer to home, Congress was returning for another routine work week… if you can call the WIPPES Act mere routine! But I’ll tell you what is becoming routine. And that’s Nancy Mace becoming an unmanageable boor.
Donald Trump, of course, is already an unmanageable boor, and a bore. So he decided to liven things up with a truly moronic diatribe about… electric boats, maybe? And sharks. And how you would definitely die in an electric boat, because science tells you that boats will sink if you put heavy things on them, like batteries.
Speaking of Trump, Merrick Garland has had enough of the nonsense about the Department of Justice, and so he has written down that it should stop. Thank you.
As we all know, conservatives have been going hog wild with their judge shopping. Of course, that option is (sort of) available to more liberal legal activists, too. That is, unless conservatives don’t want it to be.
Lordy, there are Alito tapes. Both Alitos.
These f-in’ guys! Joan McCarter remains on point: someone oughta do something about this!
And they might, if they weren’t so busy with the WIPPES Act. But that something would probably be the fruitless pursuit of… the guy who just wrote that Republicans should cut ths $#*t.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin had little to no health concerns today, and not many pressing commitments at this time, so they decided to throw us a pleasant little KITM:
TFFG is forever a convicted felon, yet not quite sentenced. Today’s perfect meeting with a probation officer will help to determine that sentence. So far Donald has art of the dealt himself out of a urine test. Oh the wonders they’ll find in Steven KG Bannon’s cup.
It’s the 80th anniversary of D-Day and we are still waging war against Nazis worldwide. Marine Le Pen surprised Emmanuel Macron, so he surprised France by calling for parliamentary elections, which might not be that big of a surprise. In Israel, Benny Gantz resigns, so Bibi Netanyahu only has his right wingnuts left to save him. On the other hand, in Hungary, Viktor Orbán is in retreat, and actual bombs have been proven effective in holding off the Russians in Kharkiv.
In the US, our fascists hate hearing President Joe Biden dissing overseas fascism. Trump voters love what Biden has done, if they can say Trump did it, and hate what Trump did, if they can say Biden did it. Donald is just punk that way… Also like Jesus… Jesus Punk Superstar seems to be speaking in tongues more often on his sermons at various mounts. 
Samuel Alito is aghast at those who doubt his morality, when it is he alone who has morals. Sure, Clarence Thomas took a few or several million dollars... but it was only because he needed those millions of dollars… but now that you caught him, he will return he will tell you when he takes the next millions of dollars. Happy now? You aren’t? Well then, take it up with the boss, John Roberts. His door is always open.
In polling news, at least 50% of Nates are complete morons. Outside of Nate-morons, Joe Biden is looking kind of good in the polls. Latino voters will vote third party, once they find a third party candidate who encapsulates their viewpoint and has the personality that they are looking for. In South Carolina, a January 6 insurrectionist regrets all that and is running for office. In Georgia, a January 6 insurrectionist regrets running for office and is running for his truck.

David Waldman just didn't have the voice left to finish out the week. So today, once again, KITM stands for Kagro in a Time Machine.
It's another look back, and another opportunity to convince yourself that yes, you are better today than you were four years ago. Way better!
Take a look at how bad it really was:
Donald Trump can’t even golf, the news is so beautiful. We’re in the money! Employment has dived to still-depression levels. Trump says he couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the guidance of George Floyd’s angel. Trump’s off to Maine, where the plan is to make the streets run red with domination.
ACORN rerouted a caravan of voter fraud busses out of Guatemala to Indiana, loading 250 Antifa super-soldiers to each bus for a raid on Chicago, but quick-thinking Fox-watching police made them disappear into thin air. Oh wait! They’ve been sighted heading into Idaho! They’re back in Indiana! 6,000 — One terrorist for each of the population of the town of Notre Dame! Oh no, while we were distracted, a busload camper of 4 terrorists campers that rioted in drove through Forks, WA were caught are suing, hopefully. Pray that we all make it through tonight. 
James O’Keefe infiltrated the past and discovered antifa headquarters in the heart of Portlandia.
Back in the real world, actual soldiers caravan into Washington DC to crack a few heads. An elderly man in Buffalo triggered blue rage by attempting to return a helmet. Bethesda, MD police are looking for a bicyclist assaulting kids that were posting George Floyd signs. That should be easy, they just need to find a guy that looks just like a cop. Maybe police are a mistake.
DC’s Mayor, Muriel Bowser, increases the police budget by $19 million… But sent a big message to the world this morning, and might have a few more things up her sleeve. Authorities always need more money for more domination.
The New York Times is about 200 years old and hopes to establish a method of administering its standards soon. In the meantime, occasional fascist propaganda might leak through. The Times shouldn’t challenge its readers with lies, however.

Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin observe the 80th anniversary of D-Day, along with Eastern Orthodox Donald Trump Conviction Day, plus their usual gallimaufry of insight and foresight.
You got to love those double haters! Joe Biden could hold the White House if only a tiny number of voters swing his way, and as luck would have it, a tiny number may.  Robert F. Kennedy Jr. also has a tiny number of voters who might become useful for someone someday.
Everyone is quitting in election offices because the job just doesn’t pay enough for the assassination attempts.
The most uniformed MAGA can tell you why mail-in voting is bad. Today, they can tell you why it is wonderful. So, how many of those can tell you what Donald Trump said about Putin and Ukraine in 2016? How many voters remember what he said about Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich’s detainment in Russia in 2023? The answer is, Trump said absolutely nothing... until his recent video promising Gershkovich’s release by Putin, contingent upon a Trump re-election. A couple days following that video, WSJ reminds us that Joe Biden is old, as sworn to by Kevin McCarthy.
Mike Johnson can vouch that Kevin would be a completely unimpeachable source for journalists. Mike is appointing Ronny Jackson and Scott Perry to the House Intelligence Committee because those were the two names on the list that Donald drooled ketchup on.
House Gops are mad that Troy Nehls might have stolen valor, but don’t mind Nehls’ $25 thousand in campaign cash so much.
Israel conducted a secret social media campaign using AI to garner US support for the Gaza War.  Again, not the worse thing they’ve done lately.
New York Gov. Kathy Hochul is blocking the city’s long-awaited plan to toll drivers entering the busiest parts of Manhattan, which would have forced some Manhattanites into helicoptering their cars downtown.