Love Your Family Again and Again and Again and Again Dr. Marcie Beigel

After many episodes of me talking with other parents, thought it was time to introduce you to my parents. Listen in as I chat with my parents about what it was like parenting me!

About the Episode 

Christian is a dad of a 7 year old Daughter, Malia. They live with his girlfriend  

Go To Glitter 

In the house hold - watching music videos is the Go To Glitter. Go back and forth between music that is current, music form Dad's childhood, music from before dad was born. Malia gets to decide first several songs :)   

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Balance between technology and playing with 3D object. Having time on screens can help us learn and grow. As can playing with kitchen sets and blocks 

2. Teach appreciation over entitlement. It is ok to have lots of things and for her to receive from so many. It is important to create ways for her to appreciate all she has and share with others who are less fortunate. Donation of her overflow is a great way to teach this. 

3. Share your own experiences as an emotional guide for her learning. Even when our kids have great wisdom, they still need the lessons and we can give them that while sharing out our lives. When she asks how your day is, share the emotional experience to help her learn new tools and strategies!  

Golden Nugget 

This Golden Nugget was touched on as an underlying theme throughout the session, not one specific strategy. Just because I think she is great and in touch with her feelings and emotions, don't take for granted. Foster that. Don't assume she has it and let her do her own thing. She is going to come across problems of her own. I need to sit with her and go through them and give her the tools!

About this episode

Julia is part of a family of 5. Her husband, Javon, who she has known for 18 years and been married to for 4. Her older daughter Lila, who is 11 years old. Her younger daughter Zora, who is 2 years old. The fifth family member is her dog, Jezze, a poodle mix.  She is a doula and you can find her on instagram at @357HolisticServices

Got To Glitter

The go to glitter for Julia and her family is 'so simple' she says, it is walking to the park. Not a playground, the park that is a big open flied. When we get there there is conversation just flowing and they are learning things about each other and making jokes. Walking to the park brings out good, earnest conversation and makes the day great!

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves

1. Relationships are two way streets. If you want your child to share openly with you about their feelings and day, share with them about your feelings and your day. You modeling the open connected conversation, helps them know what it looks like and how to do it.  

2. Create a space for deep meaningful connection. That does not mean that every time that you are in this space together, there will be deep meaningful connection. It does mean that it is more likely to happen during this time. It also means that the meaningful connection might not happen in words but the action you take together during this time is building deep meaningful connection. For example a once a week cooking time together becomes a memory your child will hold onto. 

3. Tell your children you love them. Tell your children what you like about them. Have your child share what they like about themselves. Sometimes we know that we love our kids, so we don't say the words. The action of telling someone you love them, ensures they know it. The action of telling someone what you like about them, ensures they know it. Don't let your kids guess how you feel, tell them often and clearly.

Golden Nugget

Trusting my mom feelings...trusting my mother intuition and having grace.

About the episode  

Go To Glitter 

Hard because of the widespread of ages. Simplest answer is being at home - Saturday mornings on the couch each doing their own thing in PJ. Cleaning and coffee for the adults. Meals together and try to connect - breakfast and dinner as a family of 5. Thrive on being connected  

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Time together is important, so is everyone getting their unique needs met. Perhaps it is helpful to create times when you are meeting the family's needs and other times when each individual in the family gets needs met. These are two different things and can be addressed at different times. 

2. Reactive parenting versus responsive parenting. Take a breath before you react. Take a moment to assess the best way to respond because not every moment in parenting is a crisis. Do not react as if it is a crisis when it is not. 

3. Parenting is hard and has many challenging moments. Make time to see the success/joy that is happening along the way. As parenting is a never ending experience, create chunks of time or goals so that you can feel the same sense of accomplishment as you go through life.  

Golden Nugget 

Biggest thing is the shift in perspective...your story is so close to you. Talk to a professional about it and it is a hole other level of what we think it is. All the positive. We are having joyful moments, have options, intentionality as a positive thing.   

Dr. Marcie's Golden Nugget 

Find the mile markers - the successes you have along the way as you continue down the hard path. Language is different for each of us - use the words that are right for you and see what they.

About the episode  

Martika has a 2 and 1/2 year old son who she is raising with he partner Max. They have been together for 8 years.

Go To Glitter 

Love going to the children's museum together. Having full as a family with the interactive elements. Watching Harry Potter, Miko loves the magic and runs around the house with his wand. The final piece is going to the park all together, time outside makes everyone happy!  

Dr. Marcie's Must Make Moves 

1. Miko was just diagnosed with Autism so that tells us a bit about how his brain works. He thinks in a linear fashion that is very clear - left or right; right or wrong - the more specific and clear you can be in your language the easier it will be. He also is most likely a visual learner, so use visuals to support directions and vocal communication. 

2. When asking a question, ask a question. When giving a direction, give a direction. It is not about being stern and yelling versus sweet and kind. It is about clarity and teaching Miko to listen. 

3. Pick one priority as a parent. You can't change everything at once and it is exhausting to try. So pick one area of focus at a time. If it is potty training, great! If it is sleep training, great! If it is listening skills, great! The other areas, keep moving forward as you are and know you will get there in the future.  

Golden Nugget 

Using visual instructions and incorporating pictures into communication. Doing this while making sure to use clear and effective communication - asking questions for questions and directions for directions.

About this episode 

Cam is a white straight cis man in a heterosexual relationship with his wife. They have 3 children together, Lucy who is 9 years old, Marlo who is 7 years old, and Teddy who is 4 years old.  

Go To Glitter 

We live by the ocean in Massachusetts. We are a good beach family. The activity we love as a family is going to the beach. In a more micro sense, family dinner. Everyone is there and it is a home cooked meal. Sitting around and going around the table to talk. They do this at least a couple times a week. Always on Sundays, usually one other night a week. Often Taco night is family dinner night, they all love tacos!  

Dr. Marcie Must Make Moves 

Started with a celebration that your daughter is going to therapy. Help and support from professionals is really important when there are big situations in your family.  

1. Regular communication, specifically around who is going to be home when. Currently the only conversations happen when you are leaving. Need to create a regular time to talk about who will be home when, sometimes everyone is home and sometimes mom or dad will be leaving. Don't always have the conversation be around hard moments. 

2. Since she thrives with the family calendar, keep it going. You need to be in charge of the calendar, the adults need to be responsible for sharing the information. Create a routine and predictable time when you as a family will reset it.  

3. Create a night time connection routine based in positive activities. Build a routine for 15-30 minutes that you will do together each night. Activities that will keep her mind away from spiraling, think about positive things and safe things and what is great in her day. Maybe a body scan or journaling together or highlights of the day.  

Golden Nugget 

Lean into daily radical transparency! Really trying to increase the amount we are talking about everything. Creating more routines, routines that make her recognize and live in the present moment. This will help her get out of the future worry and fear and into the present moment where she can thrive.