Ross O'Carroll-Kelly The Irish Times
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- Comedy
The weekly Ross o'Carroll-Kelly column in audio, read by Paul Howard.
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Sorcha refuses to meet my eye. And I don’t blame her – setting up her own daughter like this
It’s the old Jonny Bell that hits me first – a combination of bacon, cheese and Tom Ford Portofino that comes wafting up the stairs and under the bedroom door looking for me.
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‘I want it gone, Ross. I want you to get it lasered off’
So – yeah, no – I’m mowing the back gorden with my top off again, portly to showcase the work I’ve been doing in the gym since the stort of January, and portly to see how long it takes for it to become an item of discussion on the Dalkey Open Forum
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Honor and Liesel are both smiling and it’s like driving towards a cor with its lights on full beam. I end up having to turn away
The school concert hall is absolutely rammers this afternoon. We’re talking, like, 1,000 students and parents crammed between the walls to hear the result of the election for Mount Anville Head Girl for 2024-2025 and I haven’t seen Honor looking so pleased with herself since the time she swapped her old dear’s hair conditioning mask for Veet.
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‘Goys – it’s time that I got the tattoo’
It’s Friday afternoon in London, the day before the European Champions Cup final. We’ve spent the last three hours talking about our favourite memories from our years following Leinster.
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‘Ross, someone has put up a poster of Honor on Foster Avenue.’ Apporently kompromat is the solution?
So I’m driving along Vico Road – one of the bits of the road where two cors can barely pass – when I notice a black SUV coming towards me at speed...
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‘What if she wins, Ross? I’ve already heard some of the other moms refer to her as the Trump candidate’
“Oh my God,” Sorcha goes, “what is she doing?” Yeah, no, she’s talking about Honor, who’s smiling so hord that it looks like someone has jammed a coat hanger in her mouth sideways.
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