The Better Part - Intentional Living for Christian Moms with a Bible-Loving Catholic Mama Jenna Scott

Communication is a HUGE topic, but let's go through a few basics:




Happy, healthy marriages are marked by at least five times as many positive comments about the spouse or relationship as negative
When there is a hurt or a problem, use a soft start up. Before launching into a problem, ask your husband, "Is this an OK time to talk about something important/difficult for me?" and respect him enough to wait if it isn't! Schedule another time to talk.
Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements that begin with your feeling. Use the form "I feel ________ when you _______, and I'd like to ask you to ________ in the future."
Avoid absolutes! "Never" and "always" are rarely true and almost never helpful.
When in a disagreement, ask, "How important is this on a scale from 1 to 10?" and take that into account as the conversation continues.



My husband and I have formed a few rules whenever we're in a fight that have helped us from going too far and taking a disagreement to a big, personal hurt. You may like to use these rules too, or you may find some yourself. The easiest time to identify what your specific rules are is [unfortunately] after a particularly bad fight. Looking back together, try to identify when something got too personal or mean in the fight and when it turned from productive conversation to harmful. PLEASE try to REFRAIN from blaming or accusing. The point is not to start a new fight, but to share with your spouse how something made you feel. Look at #3 above!



If the pain point you identify is something that has happened before and that you know is very painful, you may want to agree that it is off-limits. Make your rule specific enough so that you would know if this rule is broken in the future. Knowing that it is a rule may help jolt you out of a bad situation in the future. When a rule is broken, agree to take a breath, apologize, and work on communicating a different way. The person who is affected should make efforts to forgive and let the offender try again.



So without further explanation, here are our rules:


No cursing
All breaks must have a time limit (set beforehand), and you cannot drive somewhere far away.
Stay in the fight until resolution. Don't go to bed angry.



More wisdom to be found at the Gottman Institute:

https://www.gottman.com/about/



And check out wisdom from Doug Hinderer:

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/about

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr2PuvQFLTA&t=2225s

Let's kick the marriage series off with a fun one! Let's talk temperaments! This is one of the oldest personality tests out there, and it is based more on NATURE than on NURTURE. In fact, often when investigating what temperament you are, you are supposed to think about how you were as a child. As we grow, we tend to develop habits, grow in virtues, and learn how to soften out some of our less desirable attributes, which can mask our natural tendencies. If you haven't ever looked into your own temperament, check out this quiz:



https://www.temperamentquiz.com/



You will likely be given a primary and a secondary temperament. If your husband can also discover his temperament, it could be fun for you to compare and contrast your natural reactions to life events, and to see how you handle your life and relationship together.



If you would like an overview of the temperaments, here's a good one in the context of faith:



https://spiritualdirection.com/2019/03/18/the-four-temperaments-and-the-spiritual-life



Lastly, if you'd like to learn more, I recommend the books by Art and Laraine Bennett. The Temperament God Gave Your Kids has helped me on MANY occasions! These go through many fun combinations of spousal temperament combinations and parent-to-kid combinations! Even if you don't feel completely understood by any singular temperament, it's food for conversation, and that can be really helpful! Here are some ideas for fun discussion with your husband.



Conversation starters with your husband about temperaments:


Do you know your (and your spouse's) temperament?
What is your favorite thing about your spouse's temperament?
Do you share a temperament? How do you think that affects the way you run your house/family (for better and for worse)?
Does your shared temperament (or lack thereof) affect the overall culture of your family? How do you think that affects your kids? Make sure to start with the positives!
If you have a temperament that is not represented in your relationship, are there any qualities that you are missing that need to be tended to? (i.e. a couple missing a melancholic could use a growth in commitment, structure, or aim for ideals)

Let's begin a new series on MARRIAGE!



This episode sets a perspective for the rest of this series by:


Giving background info on Jenna's marriage story
Reminding that our marriage cannot (and is not meant to) be our total fulfillment--that's God's job!
Separating major marriage issues including abuse or other patterns of major difficulties from the more common problems husbands and wives deal with.



I can't wait to go through this series with you! Please join me every week so we can grow in love for our husbands and ultimately, God!



Remember: This series will go through many topics that pertain to marriage and will compile "best practices" from research, experts, marriage counselors, and personal experience, BUT it cannot replace good, personal counsel. If you are having major marriage issues, please still listen! But also, seek out professional help from someone who will help you fight for your marriage.



If you are not sure where to start, check out Hearts Renewed: a marriage transformation program at https://www.heartsrenewed.org/



Before next week, think about:


What season you are in in your marriage right now (winter, spring, summer or fall)
10 ways your husband shows (or tries to show) his love for you

Join next Tuesday, May 28th for a new series all about... MARRIAGE!



I hope you join me for all kinds of topics concerning marriage, including: communication, friendship, parenting, finances, and more! See you here next week!

For the last episode of this series, Marci Combo and I discuss what prayer looks like for each of us. We answer a couple of questions that listeners have asked about: how our relationships with each person of the Holy Trinity (God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) work in our prayer lives, and what our daily prayer routines tend to look like.



We also touch on topics that haven't yet been discussed in this series including: the sacraments, praise and worship, the value of friends who are like-minded in faith, parts in our lives where prayer has been more difficult, and more! We hope you enjoy this candid conversation!



After this episode, The Better Part will be taking a break! Keep subscribed to this podcast, and look forward to the next series coming up in a couple of months. Follow @thebetterpartpod on Instagram to be kept up-to-date on when and what that series will be! Can't wait to see you then!



Please share your feedback for future episodes and series through this form: https://forms.gle/Wb1svgcskrxQaCoP8

Join in for a rosary that follows along with verses from God's Holy Word! The rosary is a beautiful, effective prayer that allows you to meditate on "mysteries" while repeating rote prayers.

If you've never prayed the rosary, check out this thorough and helpful page from Hallow. It gives an explanation of what the rosary is, why we pray it, and how to pray it.
https://hallow.com/blog/how-to-pray-the-rosary/#why

For more scriptural rosaries, check out Kate and Mike, Catholic Crusade on Spotify:
https://open.spotify.com/track/2kswYgBvPQMOvzn4Z3Yi5Q?si=CjBIpjhhTXmsN6o6x-adjg&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A5uz4hhJ2QYtsIJ7Xf4pb32

Lastly, if you'd like to give feedback for the next series of this podcast, please fill out this form:
https://forms.gle/Wb1svgcskrxQaCoP8