Diary of a Recovering Shouldaholic Sherry Yuan Hunter

It's really hard to be furious if you are sincerely curious.  Curiosity doesn't require stress hormones and as soon as you put energy towards curiosity, your brain stops thinking you are in danger. If you can afford to be curious, you're not in a life or death situation that requires life saving action. So it doesn't need the stress hormones and you re-activate your executive functions. Bonus also, because your curiosity can then activate their curiosity and so you can de-escalate a bit.  



Read more: https://recoveringshouldaholic.com/2021/12/05/curious-over-furious/ 



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Hope is designed to keep us motivated through challenging times. But if we accidentally let hope get caught up in our spiral of shame, the thing we hope for becomes a defined goal. But not just any goal. It becomes a goal we want achieved NOW (unrealistic timeline) and we then beat ourselves up for not meeting this new expectation in a timely manner.

So during this journey, this tough hard journey, where we need hope to help get us through the tough moments, we shouldaholics add a layer of shame and guilt just because we aren’t quite there yet. Remember, it was a hope, designed to help us keep going, keep learning, don’t worry about failure and mistakes, there’s hope, we can get there… etc. But instead, it’s now why aren’t there yet. This is now the new unreasonable expectation we place on ourselves.

Read more: The Hope Paradox – Sherry Yuan Hunter (recoveringshouldaholic.com)

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One of the hardest things for a shouldaholic to deal with is the conflicting priorities. As Shouldaholics, we often don’t realize it, but we make all the priorities of equal and utmost importance, which means that from our perspective, we have to be able to do all of them or else it means that it was a catastrophic failure.   

This is simply impossible. It’s just not possible. If we don’t figure out what priority or value is more important, we will 1) find it very difficult to make decisions and 2) we will get mad about the outcome no matter what it is, because there will be a priority that we didn’t meet.   

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Part of being a RECOVERING Shouldaholic is understanding our triggers. That means Awareness, Grounding, Analysis, Identifying Needs, and Navigating the next time (or AGAIN). No pressure, no judgment, no shame. Just a simple 5-step tool to help us get through a trigger AGAIN!  Visit the site: https://recoveringshouldaholic.com/ to read more about Shouldaholicism and how to start your recovery!



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What are boundaries and why are they important? Just a quick touch on this topic and how often we confuse them with our Window of Tolerance.

https://www.recoveringshouldaholic.com

Boundaries Vs. Window of Tolerance – Sherry Yuan Hunter (recoveringshouldaholic.com)

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Sometime we just don't know where to begin. It's important to do a bit of research on your own to get a feel for what the research is telling us but more importantly, what resonates with you.   

https://www.recoveringshouldaholic.com 

Start Here – Sherry Yuan Hunter (recoveringshouldaholic.com)

Here are some curated videos with reflection questions! 

Videos – Recovering Shouldaholic (shouldaholicsanonymous.com)

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