Build the Relationship Juma Khutbas

Every relationship in the world has two things associated with it; a benefit that we derive from it and a responsibility that we owe to it. Any relationship that does not benefit ceases to exist even if it began and carried on for a while. Very soon any intelligent person will realize that they are gaining nothing from the relationship and will move away from it. On the contrary, a relationship that is beneficial will attract you to itself, will be constantly strengthened and you happily invest in it continuously because you realize how you are gaining from it. Needless to say the benefit or gain can be material (money, friends, fame, happiness) or non-material (spiritual peace, enlightenment, commitment to a cause or ideology, converts).







Let us see some examples from our lives.







Parents – Children:       Parents gain from the love of their children; both being loved by them and being able to love them. They believe that they gain so much in fact that they are able to make little of all kinds of sacrifices for their children to bring them up. Sadly many grown up children don’t see the same level of benefit from continuing the relationship so they need to be motivated either by the promise of reward or the fear of punishment, to do even a fraction of what their parents did for them as they were growing up. There is of course a biological explanation for this relating to the continuation of the species and the discarding of those who have reached their productive end. But I remind myself that to transcend biology is the meaning of being civilized. To act for reasons other than species survival is to prove the existence of reason itself. For it is reason that distinguishes us from animals.







To pay for this gain, there are responsibilities that each must fulfill. Parents, the responsibility of Tarbiyya (proper upbringing) and children the responsibility of Khidmat (service to the parents).







Employer – Employee:   This is a very easy one to understand where the employer gains from our work and we get paid. We continue to work happily as long as we feel the equation to be in our favor or at least fair. The employer will continue to employ us for the same reason, as long as he feels that the equation is in his favor or fair to both parties. As soon as this equation is seen as one sided, the relationship ends. To pay for the benefit of employment, the employee has to fulfill his responsibility of being productive and loyal. The employer, to pay for the gain of having the employee work must fulfill his responsibility of paying him and taking care of him and providing him with an environment in which he can be productive.







Husband – Wife:  Once again this relationship is formed on the basis of mutual benefit and breaks when one or both see that they are not gaining from it. For the benefit of having a home which is a place of mutual love, respect, harmony and pleasure, the husband must fulfill the responsibility of proving for it materially. In order to be free from the problem of earning a living and to benefit from being cared for the wife must fulfill her responsibility of creating a home that is a joy for the husband to return to. Both must fulfill the responsibility of mutual good treatment.







Citizen – Country:         The country provides the benefits of affiliation, opportunity, safety and guarantees certain rights. The citizen pays taxes, follows the law and is obliged to fight if necessary to protect his country against outsiders. Failure to fulfill his responsibility to his country can be very costly for the citizen.







I am sure you can think of many other relationships...