Real Men Feel Andy Grant

I've often called myself a failure. But why? Why does something not turning out the way I wanted it to become my identity? It all comes down to the ego.

Today, I explore definitions and perceptions of failure and ways to reframe it. Failure can be a valuable lesson. We can fail forward into something better with the right mindset.

In my experience, when I'm depressed, my self-judgment is much harsher than usual, and I see a history of nothing but failures. That is not true. It is a very distorted lens.

What if you could let the label of failure dissolve? You can. Don't be attached to one specific outcome. Be open to all outcomes and results. We live in a Universe of infinite possibilities.



Links

Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support

Today, I share many of the subjects I've been journaling about in the last few days. Subjects including past patterns, current patterns that I haven't figured out yet, and challenges of all-or-nothing thinking.

I open up about my self-judgment, spiritual experiences, psych meds, and reactions to being called a positive male role model. I also contemplate what I'm addicted to that keeps my hellish patterns going.

Over my adult life, I've tried meditation, counseling, personal growth, energy work, spiritual healing... I've never done all of them at any particular time. I've always expected one thing to cover all I need. Then, at times, I've chosen to do NONE of them and am somehow surprised to find myself at the bottom again.

I must want to be at the bottom of all my possible moods and outlooks. But why?

I'm at a point when I need to use all the methods that might help me simultaneously. In this episode, I also share one prominent danger of feeling better when you have an all-or-nothing mindset.

One lesson I must keep learning is that healing and growth are not linear and never complete. You are never complete. We are always works in progress. Value the small steps forward. Discover the practices that help you, and don't let them go. Be willing to ask for help. Be willing to live.



WARNING: This episode discusses suicidal thoughts and attempts. If you are in a crisis, do not listen to this. Please call or text 988 to be connected to trained counselors that are part of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. If you are outside of the US, please search for suicide prevention in your country. 

You matter! Please choose life. 



Links



Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @andy_grant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast related!

YouTube | Real Men Feel




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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support

WARNING: This episode discusses suicidal thoughts and attempts.


If you are in a crisis, do not listen to this. 
Please call or text 988 to be connected to trained counselors who are part of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. If you are outside of the US, please search for suicide prevention in your country. 
You matter! Please choose life.


After a year-long gap, much of it spent in a deep depression and with lots of suicidal ideation, I'm back. The best way to prevent suicide is to talk about suicide. So I'm doing that while also exploring why I wasn't willing to speak for so long, suicidal procrastination, and worthiness.


I don't feel great about this episode. I hope it has some value in it. I know I could not have said what I shared today two days ago without crying, so perhaps all the necessary value.


Links

Instagram | ⁠@realmenfeelshow⁠ & ⁠@theandygrant⁠

Personal Website | ⁠theandygrant.com⁠ for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | ⁠realmenfeel.org⁠ for all things podcast-related!

YouTube | ⁠https://youtube.com/realmenfeel



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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support

Men and women deal with emotions differently, but we all have them. And any man who believes that stuffing and denying their feelings are the path to a happy and successful life - all I can say is that is NOT my experience, nor is it the experience of anyone I've ever met. One of the most painful things a man can experience is the betrayal by his spouse.

Today is part 2 of Recovering From Betrayal, focusing on a man betrayed by his wife.

My returning guest, Vanessa Cardenas, is your trusted advisor for Betrayal and Transformation. Vanessa is a highly experienced C-Suite Executive, Mentor, Coach, and Speaker with a degree in Industrial Psychology. She is also the founder and CEO of Understanding Ear, LLC, where she empowers individuals and groups to heal from betrayal, amplify their authenticity, and find love and happiness on their terms.

Vanessa shares how she went from supporting women to serving more and more men. We explore the pain, secrecy, and shame men experience after discovering their spouse's cheating. Vanessa also explores why men and women have affairs and the most common question men have when they find out they've been betrayed.

While women often want to tell the world when they've been cheated on, that is not the typical response for men. What is so crucial for a man who has been betrayed is to forgive himself.

The core message is to be willing to have difficult conversations before betrayal to avoid needing them after.

Topics and Questions


2:12: How different is the experience of recovering from betrayal when you are the betrayed party?
7:33 - Vanessa's first male client
12:23 - The six most common reasons women cheat
16:26 - What does a man feel from betrayal?
19:34 - Differences between how a man feels and how he thinks society says he should feel.
24:19 - Is this journey of self-forgiveness different if the wife wants the relationship to continue or not?
27:47 - Are there any best practices for a man when he discovers his partner is cheating?
34:44 - What is the best way for people to find out about everything you are up to?
37:02 - The response to Vanessa's first appearance



Links

Vanessa Cardenas -- https://www.understandingear.com

Talk to Vanessa -- https://www.understandingear.com/betrayed-men

Recommended resources

Man's Search for Meaning -- https://amzn.to/43BFxG0

RMF 149 - Men in Emotionally Abusive Relationships

http://realmenfeel.org/2019/09/24/ep-149-men-in-emotionally-abusive-relationships/

RMF 226 - The Abuse of Men by Women

http://realmenfeel.org/2021/02/16/the-abuse-of-men-by-women/

https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/



Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support

If you notice today's episode looking and sounding different, I'm on the road and don't have my usual setup.

Are you comfortable being alone? Can you enjoy your own company?

Often men will feel uncomfortable emotions if they are alone and in silence. I am an only child, so I'm used to being alone, but I'd always have music or a TV playing in the background. I wasn't a fan of absolute silence because I wasn't a fan of some of my thoughts.

Over the years and with lots of work and growth, I'm incredibly comfortable on my own and with the silence of only my mind. Growing up, I thought doing something in public alone meant you were a friendless loser. I'd miss movies and concerts that I wanted to see but couldn't find someone who wanted to go.

In recent years I've started going to movies alone and love it - no debate, no hesitation, no trying to convince someone. I've even gone to some concerts alone, too, and enjoyed myself and didn't feel judged. Earlier this year, I saw Anthrax in Boston on a Sunday night, and I knew even my friends who like Anthrax wouldn't go out on a Sunday night.

I'm in Toronto, Canada, for two weeks of training with the Modern Mystery School. I'm being recertified as a Guide, Healer, and Life Activation practitioner, then taking seven days of new classes. I drove up here alone, a 12-hour ride since I drive a Tesla and need to stop to charge every 90 minutes or so on the highway. But I had a blast. I could sing at the top of longs to a full day's worth of songs that I love. I explored new towns and stores at each new stop, and the weather was fantastic.

I drove here on Sunday, and today, Wednesday is the only day I don't have any classes. I planned to visit the Wonderland amusement park, which is just 10 miles away and has some great rides, including a world record-holding dive coaster -- that's when you pause at the top - - which, if you know me -- I love roller coasters. I had planned to do a show about enjoying yourself - and I don't mean masturbation - with lots of photos from today with me by myself on all sorts of cool rides.

But, another thing common on the path of spiritual growth and healing is resistance. Technically known as your shit, meaning your shit will come up when you go beyond your comfort zone and grow.



Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support

Since men are human, they can make mistakes. One aspect of life we make mistakes in is our relationships. Since so many studies show that a strong prediction of happiness and longevity is the quality of our relationships, betraying our partner is a significant issue.

Google says that nearly half of individuals in monogamous relationships admit to having an affair. Close to 25% of marriages stay together after an instance of cheating.

My guest today, Vanessa Cardenas, is your trusted advisor for Betrayal and Transformation. Vanessa is a highly experienced C-Suite Executive, Mentor, Coach, and Speaker with a degree in Industrial Psychology. She is also the founder and CEO of Understanding Ear, LLC, where she empowers individuals and groups to heal from betrayal, amplify their authenticity, and find love and happiness on their terms.

Vanessa delivers a master class on men who've betrayed their spouses but want to stay together. She shares the three aspects of cheating, why women can't just "get over it," and seven reasons why men cheat. You'll also learn what got Vanessa working with betrayal.

Be willing to have difficult conversations before betrayal to avoid needing them after.

Topics and Questions


1:34 - In your work, what constitutes betrayal?
2:14 - The three aspects of cheating.
5:47 - Are men and women equally likely to cheat?
7:10 - Did you initially work exclusively with women?
9:09 - Does it matter why a man cheats?
9:37 - Vanessa's experience with being betrayed.
13:37 - Seven most popular reasons why men cheat.
19:56 - Does having any of these reasons mean you are destined for betrayal?
20:26 - Does blame and responsibility fall on both partners?
20:52 - The very first thing to do once you've come clean.
24:39 - Is there anything men should NOT do?
25:55 - Can a relationship be better post-betrayal?
28:11 - What men can do to rebuild the relationship.
31:33 - How a relationship can be better post-healing.
34:18 - Men are taught not to feel.
35:57 - What do you tell a man who can't understand why his wife can't just 'let it go?"
37:34 - Returning for part two, When You've Been Betrayed.
39:40 - Recommended resources and how to get in touch with Vanessa



"If you don't make time for your relationship. You will be forced to make time for your loneliness" - Vanessa Cardenas



Links

Vanessa Cardenas -- https://www.understandingear.com

Talk to Vanessa -- https://www.understandingear.com/betrayed-men

Recommended books

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating -- https://amzn.to/3LAs6yP

The Gift of Fear -- https://amzn.to/4191V86

Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partners' Betrayal: What to Do When Your World Falls Apart -- https://amzn.to/42lwlEU

Dealing with the Devastation of Your Partner's Betrayal: How to Talk to Your Kids, Parents, In-Laws, Friends, and Others -- https://amzn.to/3HGcOaD



Connect with Andy and the Real Men Feel Podcast:

Interested in a Clarity Call with Andy? - visit theandygrant.com/talk

Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant

Personal Website | theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info!

Podcast Website | realmenfeel.org for all things podcast-related!

RMF Facebook Group | realmenfeel.org/group

YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/realmenfeel/support