Wild and Precious Conversations Wendy Kiana Kelly

Photo by aisvri on Unsplash
I wonder.
I mean, honestly, this morning, I have an image of Ukrainian grandmas on my mind. As I write this, as I say this,
What would a benevolent world actually look like? It's been on my mind all week.
This week has been interesting.
I think what I came to at least for my own world is that a benevolent world would be moving a lot more slowly. It seems as though it's the actions and thoughts that happen in the moment really quickly without thought that really sort of push forward a world that's less benevolent. I have a tiny story — Yesterday.
I did a simple seemingly benevolent thing for one of my progeny. I made them a smoothie. And no, no one was hurt. But in counseling later that day, this smoothie making became the event that helped me unravel what keeps me from benevolence in my own life. So I'm going to try to try to unravel that here.
That thing is safety.
I made a smoothie filled with lots of really healthy stuff. Also delicious, just sweet enough. They drank most of it, but not all of it. And so what I ended up doing was even bringing that tiny amount with us in the car. So that they could have one more chance is I implored them to finish the whole thing.
He very politely said, no, thank you to their credit and stayed relatively calm while I was, I, I think that the voice I have right now, perfectly sort of mimics what my voice was that morning. Come on. Just one more sip. By the time I got back home, I was aware enough to realize that something was going on.
I actually forced myself to measure it out and show myself clearly what was going on that what had been left with negligible. If I were really worried about malnutrition, I don't think that that was a problem. So what was this all about? Obviously not nutrition. The feeling in my body when the smoothie was refused, or again, this tiny amount of smoothie was refused.
It was one of foreboding and dread. I'm really not proud of admitting this. In fact, I hesitated, hesitated as I was like, come on, just say it out loud.
But it's true.
As I drove home from counseling and ran a couple errands on my way home. I was unpacking more, what I think was going on. And I think it is this universal feeling that comes up for all of us, but all of us in a slightly different way.
Robert Sapolsky, the Stanford. I believe he's a biologist, almost sure of that. He's written a book called Behave and has several lovely videos out there talking about his work and, and in one of them, he explains that the love hormone, oxytocin, amplifies feelings of love for people who are in our “in group”. But it also amplifies feelings of not love or more exclusion for people who are outside our in group that sets up something kind of interesting.

Think about it. We all need to create a sense of I'll call it Eden. A sense of safety. A perimeter around ourselves within which we're at ease.
I don't really like noticing that I do this, but I think it's key. I think it's really that key to why benevolence is so hard. Sometimes even with people we adore.
My castle walls are built around an idea that our family in our family, we are healthy. Yikes. As you may be aware, there have been marauding vandals and thieves and whatnot banging on my castle walls for the past couple of years, past few years.
My castle is also built around an idea that we're immune to violence.
Violence happens out there to other people. I'm still not really ready to talk about the super publicly, but it's important for this essay to mention that extreme violence at the hands of the system did happen to our family about a year ago. As I say this, my hands are shaking and my heart is racing.
The system metaphorically took a battleram and knocked out one of the metaphorical walls in my metaphorical castle.
Metaphorically, but also in a well, in a realer way, realer way, my family, my Eden became fragile.
And so I can very much understand not being benevolent. It's literally why I'm in cou

It’s snowing lightly and the sun’s last glow is obscured by mist. My teenager is practicing cello in a small, quaint cabin nearby while I meander in the woods and along the lakefront, stopping briefly on the dock to see if I can see any stars emerging.
I’m listening to a book by Iain McGilchrist called “The Master and His Emissary” and it’s in turns riveting and excruciatingly boring as he describes the dire straits we’re in.
Pre cello lesson, I’ve been nursing one of Brene Brown’s “vulnerability hangovers” so bad that all I have wanted to do is dig a deep pit, crawl into it, and hide.
Of course, my better senses prevailed and the ground is still frozen here, so here I am, strolling in these woods as I wait for my progeny to finish.
As my neck hangs back, my eyes searching for that first star which I am determined should be visible through the light fog, my ears register this:
“The philosopher Gabriel Montell speaks of the difficulty of maintaining one’s dignity as a unique individual subject in a world where a combination of the hubris of science and the drive of technology blots out the awe inspiring business of conscious human existence.”
I briefly lose my balance.
Ahhhh…Science and Technology. Or, Hubris and Drive.
A few days prior, and I am bungling as I “help” with the tech in my ongoing Cultivating Humility class. 
The past couple years seem to have been spent being admonished to head into the woods, value my fellow humans more, and “be kind”. Here I am, taking a year-long course called “Cultivating Humility”. Being the consummate good citizen, I am ticking off all the boxes.
I find myself wracked with guilt and angst — zoom meeting after zoom meeting, days isolated and alone in my home where I find myself talking to my cats a bit more often than is likely healthy. Although this last bit likely will keep me from undue Hubris anytime soon, it definitely reminds me of the lack of conscious human existence in my life.
We are told to “be kind” and then given herculean constraints that make kindness nearly impossible. We are told to head into nature at the same time that mountaintops are “removed” and “placed” into formerly pristine valleys. We are told how crucial it is to have a supportive group of friends and family and then — well, you know.
We need to make a decision to turn toward what is good and right and beautiful and honorable and just. And even when we want to turn away, just for a moment, we need to shore up all our inner strength and steadfastly remain facing that light.
Now — what on earth is the word for that? Someone mentioned the Nguni word "ubuntu" this week. At first, I thought, am I bold enough to use a word from a culture I know little about, potentially out of context? And then I remembered the late Anglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu, and felt that if he shares the concept with the world, I can humbly offer it as well.
Ubuntu, according to Desmond Tutu, means “My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in what is yours."
What if we, all of us who dare to stay connected to each other even as those who admonish us to do so effectively try to rip us apart — what if we dared?
What if we dared to remain truly kind to each other, the masses, the vast majority of humanity who is not a billionaire, who is not “in power”? What if we dared to stay connected to each other, to do unseen and unheralded selfless acts for each other? What if we danced daily, played music loudly, listened more? And listened to our odd coworker, not Fox or MSNBC or whichever corporate entity is on your screen? Listened to our ranting uncle? Our crazy neighbor? You get the idea? And not listen to get enough information in order to change their minds so that they also agree with whichever screen is favored on your device but listened just so that other is heard, feels heard and seen?

Underbel.li
Monday Morning Newsletter — 10 Wild + Precious Things
You Tube

Welcome to another episode of Wild + Precious conversations — This week, a replay of our November 12, 2020 conversation with Lisa Richardson.
This week I had a chance to speak for the first time with Lisa Richardson, a writer based in Pemberton, British Columbia. Lisa’s writing moves me.
It would be wonderful if there were so much strategic planning around this project that I could honestly say that is why I asked her to talk about movement.
Alas, no. Movement was our loose theme but perhaps more correctly, we spoke of growth through the metaphor of gardening.
And the movement of becoming unstuck, lifting each other up, turning toward light, dancing our messages — I encourage you to listen for the gems Lisa scatters throughout the entire conversation. I felt it was an honour to converse with her and I am excited to share our conversation with you.
One simple takeaway: Gardening is a terrible metaphor for parenting.
Notes:
* Wellness Almanac — A community almanac from Pemberton, Lil'wat, Area C and N'Quatqua.
* Lisa Richardson, Bylines — Lisa’s writing portfolio - “Mountain Culture from Everywhere but the Sidelines”
Onward. In the next few weeks, we introduce the first in a series of what I am calling “shadow” conversations with Deirdre McClaughlin. In this series, we tackle themes that no one wants to hear about in a way that you will want to listen to... This series was put on hold for over a year because the topic needed that much time to simmer. In fact, I reached out to a few people in order to more fully discuss the topic and no one would engage with me. Stay tuned.
Wild + Precious Conversations is the podcast in Underbelly — a project that just keeps growing in often unexpected ways :)
And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.






This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit underbelly.substack.com/subscribe

Wendy here: This is kind of scary to be honest. Welcome. To another episode of wild and precious conversations.

An edited, abridged version of the podcast/video cast :) Yes, if you would like to actually look at someone very, very real, I uploaded this to YouTube.

But let’s start with that quote, that's often miss attributed to Voltaire. “I disagree wholeheartedly with what you say, but I will defend to my death, your right to say it.” And I realized that there's a lot in that quote. First of all, let me defend to my death. My God.But also just that holding tight to yeah. Let's Lean in. That turn of phrase has gotten so. Co-opted and misused, but let's literally lean in to our friends and our enemies and our acquaintances. And when they say something that really tweaks or shows up as irritation or whatever.I would put forward that an appropriate human response.Is to listen.And learn. As we sit in this really warm, nurturing compost, and yes, that's a euphemism. For the. S H I T that life sometimes hands us. When we're sitting in that. Nurturing pile of s**t. With another human. You know, Think about the growth.Are you with me?So I was contemplating that a lot.And I woke up.to a lovely quote By Martin Luther king Jr. In the Riverside Church Speech he said something that hit me. "I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a "thing-oriented" society to a "person-oriented" society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, materialism, and militarism are incapable of being conquered."I honestly, when I woke up to that,I just thought, well, there you go. I do believe though that what is happening is that we're just simply out of practice. Out of practice with simply being human. ****But if our thoughts and prayers, don't also include going into the trenches with our friends and enemies, sitting quietly with them.Listening to them learning what they need and what is not being heard. Then we are failing. The secular humanists among us I imagine, know this well. ***I'd like to now ask it here to consider your day.And consider.What percentage of your day is spent doing things that humans do?Comforting each other and yourself encouraging. Wandering in nature, caring for each other. Mending creating, growing. What percentage of your day is spent outdoors or natural light? What percentage of your day spent calmly, quietly listening to another human. Not trying to convince another human of something.Not trying to coerce or persuade.Not talking about superficial stuff only.How much of your day is spent in natural surroundings.What time, what percentage of your day is spent playing music?I could go on.***I don't really care. How your life. Appears to be.I really do care.How real it is.One of my very favorite books of all time is the Velveteen rabbit. The subtitle for that book is how toys become real. It's a book that honestly brings me to tears.I'm going to paraphrase the book and it may have gotten a little wrong. This is my memory. It's the story of a young boy. You ended up with Scarlet fever and who loved his stuffed rabbit fairy. Very much. He loved it so much. They didn't ended up with a little missing fur, and I believe its button eye was loosened, maybe missing.It's exactly. I think really, you know, kind of what we mean when we say something's well loved.In the end when the boy’s belongings needed to be burned because this book was written quite a long time ago. To make sure that the Scarlet fever was completely gone. His dear stuffed rabbit ended up coming to life and joining the other rabbits in the garden.You really should read the book.I realized though. I think that that's what I'm doing is trying to move awkwardly, moving toward a life that is becoming real.And that, you know, I'm just

Invited to have a conversation about the book “The Dawn of Everything”, Jean Russell did her level best to stay on topic. :) I did not help, mostly because her life’s work on Thrivability is so compelling.
A brief introduction of Jean: She has been passionate about co-creating a more thrivable world since 2007. What I find intriguing is that she works as a social technologist and innovator.
Here, from her official bio, is what that kind of looks like: “Organizational development and operations in numerous startups and social enterprises. For example, Jean acted as project lead for the *Holo* ICO, which raised 30,000 ETH (valued at $22M at that time).”And here: “In 2016 with Herman Wagter, she published *Cultivating Flows: How Ideas Become Thriving Organizations*, which explored, with leading edge practitioners, what patterns enable healthy emergence. In 2013, Jean published *Thrivability: Breaking Through to a World That Works*, also with Triarchy Press.”
She has received appropriate accolades for her work and has been highlighted in places such as The Economist, Harvard Business Review, and Stanford Social Innovation Review.And also she is a lot of fun.
2:30 — I mention the idea of compost, which kind of bookends our conversation.
8:39 — Evolution is discussed, including the Open Tree of Life which I failed to get right in the podcast but just looked it up… and Jean mentions the book, “The Survival of the Friendliest”
13:10 — How do we go from survival to thriving?
18:54 — The idea of coherence is entered into…
22:15 — The creativity of humans
26:22 — The Three human rights mentioned in The Dawn of Everything
29:30 — We’re stuck…how did we get stuck.
33:29 — Back to compost.

Notes:
Jean’s LinkedIn
Underbelly Website
Underbelly Project began in November 2019 when, frustrated by certain aspects of modern culture, I began to daydream a world I wanted to be a part of. And, as one does (does one?), I began searching domain names that expressed my intention.
{Quick Note: domain names are like poetry, aren’t they?}
Underbel.li was born — literally from my underbelly. My deepest, most vulnerable, unspoken desire for what I want to see more of in the world.
Because these desires answer the question Mary Oliver asked: “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” I began naming the stuff that was born from Underbelly “Wild + Precious”
Visit the project at Underbel.li
If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Also, consider subscribing, if you haven’t already. If you listen to other podcasts, add Wild + Precious Conversations to your list wherever you listen to podcasts :) (Apple, Spotify, iHeart, Google, etc…)


This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit underbelly.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome to a world of collaboration, consent, intimacy and deep rich relationships based on trust!

Erica Scott is a consent educator working hard to make consent culture a reality. I feel honored to share our converstaion with you. The book launch begins January 21, 2022, so I am going to make our show notes short this week, in order to get this episode out in time.
We discuss the collaboration in consent, the reason a “gatekeeper” relationship limits us, the possibilities that unfold when relationships are interwoven with collaboration and consent.
At the 42:00 mark, Erica gives a gorgeous explanation of the freeze response — there’s a hint of a trigger warning here, but the gist is a wonderfully positive description of what the freeze response looks and feels like — a rare gift.
Thanks, and take care of yourself and at least one other person this week! Notes:
Creating Consent Culture  — Erica’s website
Creating Consent Culture — The Book! — Creating Consent Culture — The Book :)
Creating Consent Culture — Events! — Creating Consent Culture Book Launch Events Underbelly Project began in November 2019 when, frustrated by certain aspects of modern culture, I began to daydream a world I wanted to be a part of. And, as one does (does one?), I began searching domain names that expressed my intention.
{Quick Note: domain names are like poetry, aren’t they?}
Underbel.li was born — literally from my underbelly. My deepest, most vulnerable, unspoken desire for what I want to see more of in the world.
Because these desires answer the question Mary Oliver asked: “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” I began naming the stuff that was born from Underbelly “Wild + Precious”
Visit the project at Underbel.li
If you enjoyed this conversation, a small ask: Share with anyone you know who might like what we’re doing over here. Also, consider subscribing, if you haven’t already. If you listen to other podcasts, add Wild + Precious Conversations to your list wherever you listen to podcasts :) (Apple, Spotify, iHeart, Google, etc…)



This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit underbelly.substack.com/subscribe