Social Skills Coaching Patrick King

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00:01:42 Pleasing others becomes a transaction or a deal
00:02:44 Mindfulness Meditation for People-Pleasers
00:06:09 1. Sit somewhere comfortably, slow your breathing, and relax.
00:06:16 2. If worries, concerns, and anxious thoughts pop up, say hello to them but set them aside.
00:06:26 3. Focus calmly on your breathing
00:06:37 4. When distracting thoughts pop up again, set them aside again and come back to your breath.
00:09:02 Loving-Kindness Meditation for People-Pleasers
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• Kindness and compassion are wonderful if they are genuine. People-pleasers need to learn to develop the skill of genuine kindness rather than acting out of fear, obligation, or a sense of transaction. Mindfulness and loving-kindness practice are two ways to help rescue genuine compassion from the need to please.

• Mindfulness meditation is about presence and being aware of the present moment without judgment or grasping. Go calm and quiet within, setting aside thoughts as they arrive and accepting what is without trying too hard to achieve any particular end.

• Loving-kindness meditation practices generating warm, accepting, and loving attention and extending it to others as well as to yourself. Visualize kindness flowing to the people you love, then progressively to others, and finally to yourself. Compassion does not mean agreement or forgiveness, only that we can acknowledge that as human beings, we all have worth since we are part of what is.

#Boundary #Compassion #Lovingkindness #LovingKindnessMeditation #Meditation #Mindfulness #MindfulnessMeditation #Peoplepleasers #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #StandUpForYourself #SetBoundaries #StopPleasingOthers

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home
00:06:44 As Stephen Covey says, seek first to understand, then to be understood.
00:10:38 The Four Types of Empathic Responses
00:16:15 What Do You Do When Things Go Right?
00:28:54 Shift responses versus Support Responses
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• Emotional intelligence is also something we do rather than something we are. Thankfully, it can be learned.

• Empathic listening is total, genuine attention to the other person and the message they are trying to convey. Set aside your own ego and perspective and become genuinely curious about someone else’s world, listening to understand rather than to respond. Be curious and receptive rather than reactive, “listening” to verbal and nonverbal signals.

• To respond empathically, acknowledge their courage, ask questions to clarify their message, convey that you care, and check in with how they’re feeling.

• Offer responses that are both active and constructive, rather than passive and destructive, to create trust and connection. Remember that your response to someone’s positive expressions is a bigger determinant of the relationship quality than how you treat them when they’re unhappy. Show genuine interest in what you’re told and match and reflect people’s emotional experiences rather than invalidating it.

• Practice offering support responses (which maintain the focus on the speaker) instead of shift responses (which shift the focus of the conversation back onto you) if you want to avoid conversational narcissism. Try not to continually center your own emotional experiences or interpret other people’s experiences through the lens of your own. Instead, see conversation as a genuine back and forth and deliberately set aside yourself to learn more about others.

#ActiveConstructive #ActiveDestructive #CharlesDerber #ConstructiveResponding #EmpathicListening #GableGonzagaStrachman #PassiveConstructive #PassiveDestructive #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q.

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home
00:03:40 In Aristotle's time, Oration was an honored art and tradition
00:04:00 Ethos
00:06:26 Pathos
00:12:25 Cairos
00:20:29 Workplace Communication Etiquette
00:32:16 The Seven C's of Effective Workplace Communication
00:38:16 Summary
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• Persuasion is about trying to change or influence someone’s mind, and it rests on knowing what that person’s values, perspectives, and needs are so you can address them directly.

• According to Aristotle, the four main modes of persuasion are ethos (appeal to authority), pathos (appeal to emotion), logos (appeal to reason), and kairos (making an argument at the right time and place). Good oration and rhetoric are not about which mode fits you or your message best, but knowing how to put your message in a form that the audience is most likely to hear.

• To speak to pathos, be vulnerable or share a personal experience or even a secret. To speak to logos, use hard data and evidence or a deductive or inductive argument. To speak to ethos, share genuine and relevant credentials. In all cases, try to understand your audience’s emotional state, their perspective, and their most pressing need, then present your message in terms that will appeal to them most.

• Workplace communication runs on all the same communication rules, but we have to consider the bigger role that written and electronic communication plays, too. Professional communication is more about appropriateness, politeness, custom, convention, and formality.

• We need to consider the goal, content, and medium to the message, as well as the audience. First, clarify the reason for communication and let that decide the most appropriate medium. Factor in your company’s unique communication culture and be mindful of your tone.

• Professional communication should follow the seven Cs: It should be clear, concise, correct, concrete, considerate, complete, and courteous.