Wellbeing Wisdom Tiny Bites Sandy Weaver

When you suffer a loss, it hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot.

In times of loss, what you focus on can be the difference between feeling stuck and sad or feeling strong and sad. We’re human – we don’t like to lose people or things we care deeply about, and when we do lose them, we hurt.

Hurting makes us sad, so “sad” during and after a loss is inevitable. You will feel it, so let those feelings in, and don’t wallow in them.

When you focus on the pain and the loss, you feel more pain and loss. The longer you focus on the pain and the loss, the harder it can be to return to the rhythm of your life.

When you have something else to focus on, you will still feel the loss, and yet you’ll slowly move on. You’ll care for the people or pets who depend on you. You will tend the garden that will die without your attention. You’ll ease back into the rhythm of your work schedule and work friendships. All of that will help you move through the loss.

You may never completely get over the pain of the loss, and you can and will get over the loss by focusing on what you still have and love about your life.

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The world is awash in depressed people.

Estimates vary between 300 million and half a billion people worldwide suffer from depression, meaning about 1 out of every 16 people is depressed.

How many people do you know? Do the math – you know, work with, and might even be one of the “1 in 16.”

Depression has many faces, and some of the people you know may be dealing with theirs in a way that makes it invisible to you. They might be perfectly functional through the workday, and when they get home, sit in silence until bedtime. They may be more quiet than usual when you’re with them…nothing extreme, just quiet. And they may be what most people think of when they think of a person with depression – prone to crying jags, hiding out in their home, and maybe drinking more than usual.

If you have a close relationship with them, ask if they’re ok, and then just listen. You don’t have to “fix” a depressed person, you just have to care. Help them feel seen and cared for. That’s all. And in most cases that’s enough. Can you do it? Will you?

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Have you ever wanted something for another person?

When I was young, I wanted my mom to be a leader, or at least a volunteer. I was in scouting and wanted my mom to be one of the moms who went camping with us, and who did the arts and crafts and music and survival skills and all the other learning experiences the troop did. When I asked her to please be part of it, her answer was “I’m not really much of a joiner.”

Mom grew up in a time of low expectations for women: wives, mothers, housekeepers. She was an amazing person – a reader who studied all sorts of things, who dipped into our encyclopedias often to satisfy her itch to learn, and who was content to watch her family shine while she didn’t.

It’s not easy to want something for another person, and if that’s a spot you’re in, may I offer you something that may help you? Even when you know that what you want for them is what they may want for themselves deep down, until they’re ready to take steps, your pushing will only annoy them.

Want what you want for yourself and allow others the same grace.

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The late John Lennon said, “Peace isn’t something you wish for, it’s something you make.” What does that mean?

Especially when politics and world news are filled with stories of war, unrest, and division, how can we make peace? Intentionally.


Peace lives inside of you, waiting for you to value it enough to cultivate it.
Peace happens when you decide that how you feel is worth more than being right.
Peace is caring for a relationship more than caring for your position on a topic.
Peace is choosing not to focus on things that hurt your heart, and intentionally changing your focus when you notice that your heart hurts.
Peace is knowing what’s most important to you and keeping it forefront in your mind.

Peace isn’t something you wish for, it’s something you make. Make peace in your heart today and every day.

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Yesterday, I was disappointed. Something I ordered and needed by a certain date hadn’t arrived, and I was bummed. Normal, right? I had an expectation of getting what I needed when I needed it, and that expectation wasn’t met.

There’s a word that’s like expectation, and it’s a pretty good description of what we might think of doing with our expectations: expectoration.

In case you’ve never run across that word before, it means spit. When something is spit out, it is being forcefully ejected from someone’s mouth. You can forcefully eject things from your brain and heart, too.

Spit out your expectations.

The truth is, people don’t disappoint you. Your expectations of those people is where disappointment lives, and only you are in charge of your expectations. Expectorate them and replace them with appreciation.

Appreciation when something goes right.

Appreciation when you see something beautiful or extraordinary in a person, place, or thing.

Appreciation for your ability to shift your patterns to those that will serve you better than your expectations have.

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Have you ever been ghosted? It happens to the very best of us, so try not to take it personally.

In case it’s never happened to you, that’s when someone expresses an interest in you, gets your contact information, makes contact, and at some point in the budding business or personal relationship, disappears. They don’t text, they don’t call, they don’t return emails – it’s like they ceased to exist.

In the olden days of the wild west, ghosting looked like someone sneaking out of town on the midnight train, never to be seen or heard from again. In the roaring ‘20’s, you left the gin joint together, shared a drunken kiss on the doorstep, and one or the other suddenly ceased to communicate, including not answering the door.

Ghosting happens after a great interview for a new hire, a fabulous first date, and it can happen to you, too.

Here’s what to do and how to feel when someone ghosts you: thank them. They’re showing you they don’t have the guts to be honest and open. You win.

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