58 min
3×03 Fear and Grief Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast
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- Parenting
After Losing our beloved dog Koobeh earlier this year, we faced the challenge of explaining death and grief to our kids. When we started working on this season of the show we wanted to create an episode that will help parents who had to experience loss in front of their young children. We found Jesse Brune-Horan, a minister and a grief consultant who faced the worst of all - the loss of a child. In this episode we explore fear and grief, how to move through them and how to deal with our kids' facing them.
Jesse Brune-Horan doesn't recommend pushing yourself through your grief. "We're inundated with self help things and material like that that people feel like they have to power through your enlightenment or your healing or whatever it is," Brune-Horan explains, "and sometimes it's not helpful."
"I really encourage people to always take the most peaceful path in the moment, whatever that is for you. Sometimes it looks like not dealing with it, putting on your sweats and watching Netflix for the weekend and that's ok," he adds.
Deal with your grief when you're ready to deal with it
When going through grief and loss, some people experience relief when they are 'giving themselves permission' to be sad. To just stay in the sadness and cry for as long as they need.
"When I work with people who are moving through grief there's like big, big piece of permission I give them, like, do your best in the moment, today, what's the most peaceful thing you can do today," Jesse explains. "And when we focus on peace, then whatever it is that's preventing us from feeling that peace will naturally arise. And if we're patient enough then we can sort of look at what's coming up in that moment and we get to choose, like am I ready to tackle that horse yet or am I letting it ride by for now. The good news is, and you have been through enough life to know that, if there's an issue that needs to be dealt with, then it eventually will be dealt with or [it will show up over and over again in your life] and you'll be miserable."
"Be a Man"
Jesse believes that we as dads should show our kids how we deal with our emotions - especially the 'bad' ones.
"A lot of what we were told, what a man is supposed to be and how 'a man' supposed to act - toughening up, not showing emotion, not being sad and all that stuff," he says. "And now we know that it's all bullshit and unhealthy and doesn't really serve anybody. So to allow yourself to express emotion in front of your kid I think it's a brilliant beautiful thing and you should, and you should let them know that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to have these experiences, it's ok to grieve, show them how to grieve."
"I think that's the key: the key is we teach through our demonstration. We show them what it is to be sad, what it is to be happy. We show them what healthy boundary is, we show them what love is, we show them what family is."
Our Guest: Jesse Brune-Horan
Founder and Spiritual Director, Active Love Ministries.Jesse is a celebrated spiritual teacher, writer, activist, and lifestyle expert with over 15 years in the field.
He's the co-founder of Inspire Spiritual Community, a Los Angeles based Independent New Thought organization serving the LGBTQ+ community & allies. He served as Spiritual Director from 2013-2019...
After Losing our beloved dog Koobeh earlier this year, we faced the challenge of explaining death and grief to our kids. When we started working on this season of the show we wanted to create an episode that will help parents who had to experience loss in front of their young children. We found Jesse Brune-Horan, a minister and a grief consultant who faced the worst of all - the loss of a child. In this episode we explore fear and grief, how to move through them and how to deal with our kids' facing them.
Jesse Brune-Horan doesn't recommend pushing yourself through your grief. "We're inundated with self help things and material like that that people feel like they have to power through your enlightenment or your healing or whatever it is," Brune-Horan explains, "and sometimes it's not helpful."
"I really encourage people to always take the most peaceful path in the moment, whatever that is for you. Sometimes it looks like not dealing with it, putting on your sweats and watching Netflix for the weekend and that's ok," he adds.
Deal with your grief when you're ready to deal with it
When going through grief and loss, some people experience relief when they are 'giving themselves permission' to be sad. To just stay in the sadness and cry for as long as they need.
"When I work with people who are moving through grief there's like big, big piece of permission I give them, like, do your best in the moment, today, what's the most peaceful thing you can do today," Jesse explains. "And when we focus on peace, then whatever it is that's preventing us from feeling that peace will naturally arise. And if we're patient enough then we can sort of look at what's coming up in that moment and we get to choose, like am I ready to tackle that horse yet or am I letting it ride by for now. The good news is, and you have been through enough life to know that, if there's an issue that needs to be dealt with, then it eventually will be dealt with or [it will show up over and over again in your life] and you'll be miserable."
"Be a Man"
Jesse believes that we as dads should show our kids how we deal with our emotions - especially the 'bad' ones.
"A lot of what we were told, what a man is supposed to be and how 'a man' supposed to act - toughening up, not showing emotion, not being sad and all that stuff," he says. "And now we know that it's all bullshit and unhealthy and doesn't really serve anybody. So to allow yourself to express emotion in front of your kid I think it's a brilliant beautiful thing and you should, and you should let them know that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to have these experiences, it's ok to grieve, show them how to grieve."
"I think that's the key: the key is we teach through our demonstration. We show them what it is to be sad, what it is to be happy. We show them what healthy boundary is, we show them what love is, we show them what family is."
Our Guest: Jesse Brune-Horan
Founder and Spiritual Director, Active Love Ministries.Jesse is a celebrated spiritual teacher, writer, activist, and lifestyle expert with over 15 years in the field.
He's the co-founder of Inspire Spiritual Community, a Los Angeles based Independent New Thought organization serving the LGBTQ+ community & allies. He served as Spiritual Director from 2013-2019...
58 min