ON BOYS Podcast Janet Allison, Jennifer LW Fink

Advocating for boys is one way to help boys and men thrive.
At present, there are no governmental commissions working on behalf of boys and men in the United States. Not at the federal level & not at the state level. Even though boys lag behind girls in academic achievement and boys & men experience suicide, murder, drug & alcohol addiction, homelessness, incarceration, & early death at disproportionately high rates. And even though there are multiple commissions dedicated to addressing & advancing the needs of girls and women.
Blair Daly, founder of the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men (WIBM) is working to change that.
“The male population, I think, can be described as an under-advocated-for population group,” Blair says. “There’s very little organized advocacy.”
That’s why he created WIBM, which combines advocacy journalism and grassroots political action to draw attention to the unique needs of boys and men in Washington state. As a result, Washington state may become the first state in the US to establish a Commission on Boys & Men.
“Without a focus on the male population, we think a lot is being missed,” Blair says. Advocacy is necessary to focus attention on (& find solutions for) issues that disproportionately harm boys & men.

In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Blair discuss:Why boys need advocacyChallenges in advocating for boys & menDeveloping and demonstrating diverse support for boysHow to talk about boys’ issuesThe power of local advocacyWhy moms of boys are such great advocates for boysHow to start advocating for boysLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Washington Initiative for Boys & Men
7 Democrats, 7 Republicans Sponsor 2024 Commission on Boys & Men Legislation — article highlighting the diverse support for a WA Commission on Boys & Men
Updated one-pager about WA legislation to develop a Commission on Boys & Men
What is the Washington Initiative for Boys & Men? Blair Daly Explains — YouTube video
Boys Moms as Boy Advocates — ON BOYS episode featuring Gemma Gaudette
50/50 Shared Parenting — ON BOYS episode
Real Talk about Fentanyl, Opioids, & Marijuana — ON BOYS episode
Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)
Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book
Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.

Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com

Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off 



Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal:
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Gifted & twice-exceptional boys often struggle in school, despite their intelligence & talents.
In fact, boys who are gifted or twice-exceptional (which means they are gifted & have a learning disability) are considered “problem kids.” Teachers (and other adults) may make boredom as lack of focus, or assume that poor grades indicate lack of intelligence. For many 2E boys, their learning disabilities overshadow their giftedness; for others, their giftedness hides their learning disabilities, says Deborah (Deb) Gennarelli, a gifted education specialist who is also the author of Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right. 
Intensity is part of giftedness — a part that frequently presents challenges for gifted & 2E boys. “Intensity is treated different in boys than in girls in this culture,” Deb says. Teachers & parents may punish or try to “fix” boys’ intensity, which typically only creates more problems.
Gifted & 2E boys need support to thrive. “We can’t ignore the fact that students that have high intelligence look at things in different ways, behave in different ways, learn in different ways,” Deb says. “With the right support, these boys can go from surviving to thriving.”

In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Deb discuss:Myths & misconceptions about gifted & 2E boysSpecial challenges for gifted & 2E boysWhy many smart boys struggle in schoolAdvocating for gifted & 2E boysParenting gifted & 2E boysLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Twice-Exceptional Boys: A Roadmap to Getting it Right, by Deborah Gennarelli, M.Ed.
www.deborahgennarelli.com — Deb’s website
Twice-Exceptional Boys (w Ramsey Hootman) — ON BOYS episode
When Your Kid is the Classroom Problem Child — heartbreaking The Cut article about a 2E boy
Twice Exceptional Students — info from the National Association for Gifted Children
Twice Exceptional — classic Building Boys post
Talk with Boys Like a PRO (about anything & everything!) — Jen & Janet’s upcoming course (starts May 7, 2024)
Sponsor Spotlight: My Life in a Book
Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off 

Sponsor Spotlight: ByHeart Get 10% off your first order using code ONBOYS at byheart.com

Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.

Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.
Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul



Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal:
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Like it or not, fentanyl, other opioids, and marijuana are part of our boys’ world.
“It is very easy to get drugs on social media,” says Michelle Leopold, a mother who’s son, Trevor, died after taking a pill he purchase online.
Ignoring these uncomfortable fact isn’t helpful. We have to educate ourselves and educate our boys. Here’s why:
Marijuana harms young brainsToday’s marijuana and marijuana-based products are far stronger than those of the past.
“It’s so important to learn about today’s marijuana,”Michelle says. Although marijuana and THC products are now legal in many states, study after study has shown that these products are not safe for developing brains.
Fentanyl killsIn 2019, Trevor, age 18, swallowed a blue pill he thought was oxycodone. It wasn’t.
Despite its markings, there was no oxycodone in the pill. The pill Trevor purchased was a counterfeit pill, & it contained fentanyl, a narcotic that’s 100 times more powerful than morphine, 50 times more powerful than heroin—and lethal at just a few grains.
Trevor didn’t get high; Trevor died.
According to the US. Dept of Justice, over 150 people die every day from overdoses related to synthetic opioids like fentanyl. As many as 7 in 10 counterfeit pills — pills sold online & purported to be oxycodone or other “prescription” meds — may now contain a lethal dose of fentanyl.
“People now need to assume that any drug they don’t get from their pharmacist has fentanyl in it,” Michelle says. “The odds are not in your favor.”

“I am going to use Trevor’s story to prevent other parents from losing their children.” — Michelle Leopold
In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Michelle discuss:How marijuana can affect teens & familiesRecognizing signs of drug useCannabinoid hyperemesis syndromeParenting a child who is using substancesJust Say KNOW vs. Just Say NoWhere teens and young adults are getting drugs & pillsGetting & using naloxone (Narcan)Recognizing & responding to an overdoseLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Marijuana to Fentanyl: My Son is More Than a Statistic — post by Michelle
www.wearenotalone.community — Michelle’s blog (packed w info!)
Addiction Inoculation w Jessica Lahey — ON BOYS episode
Troubled Boys (w Kenneth R Rosen) — ON BOYS episode
Another View of Wilderness Therapy — ON BOYS episode
http://drugfree.org/  and toll-free Helpline (1-855-DRUGFREE / 1-855-378-4373) 
TheNewDrugTalk.org
SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357 (Confidential free help, from public health agencies, to find substance use treatment and information)
SongForCharlie.org 
https://www.dea.gov/onepill
dancesafe.org (Fentanyl Test Strips and Drug Checking Kits)
Adding Naloxone to Your First Aid Kit — Decipher Your Health post (NOTE: Jen now has naloxone in her home)
shatterproof.org — includes a Narcan training video
Al-Anon — support for family & friends of people w alcohol use disorder
Nar-Anon — support for family & friends of people who use narcotics
Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.

Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreads
Make your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.

Sponsor Spotlight: Factor Use code ONBOYS50 for 50% off 




Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal:
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

50/50 shared parenting is good for boys & good for parents. 
But it’s not yet the norm, despite decades of research demonstrating the value of shared parenting.
“It’s one part sexism and one part misunderstanding of the latest social science around what it best for kids,” says Emma Johnson, author of The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce. “”Thankfully, we are barreling toward a better future. No one’s really been able to quantify where or how often 50/50 is happening, but it’s definitely better than when I divorced 15 years ago.”
Why 50/50 parenting should be the defaultChildren (and parents) thrive when they have regular, close connection. The exact number of minutes or days children and parents spend together isn’t as important as regular, routine interaction — and that’s what 50/50 shared parenting schedules provide.
“Kids then know, intellectually, emotionally, and in their hearts that my mom and dad are both in it to win it. No one’s going to check out, slip out, or move away. No one’s got the upper hand,” Emma says.
Shared parenting also gives both parents time to practice parenting and time to focus on work, adult connections, and self-care. And seeing both parents actively involved in parenting and work broadens children’s ideas of work and family. As Emma writes in her book, “An equal 50/50 parenting presumption is the one policy change that could dramatically help tens of millions of children, their families, and communities, without any additional funding.”

In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Emma discuss:Benefits of shared parenting for parents & childrenThe role of sexism in parenting – & parenting decisions post-divorceWhy you need to let go of the idea of being the “better” parentParental gatekeepingSharing caregiving and financial responsibilityCo-parenting when your separation or divorce was not amicableSocietal benefits of 50/50 parentingLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The 50/50 Solution: The Surprising Simple Choice that Makes Moms, Dads, and Kids Happier & Healthier After a Divorce, by Emma Johnson
Single Parenting w Wealthy Single Mommy Emma Johnson –– ON BOYS episode
Parenting Boys Thru Divorce — ON BOYS episode
Is Shared Parenting Best for Boys After Divorce? — BuildingBoys post
Moms for Shared Parenting –– an activist organization promoting equally shared parenting 
Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.

Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
Sponsor Spotlight: Winona
Menopause care made easy!
Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order.

 
Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.





Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal:
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Building boys’ resilience can help them thrive, says Marc Hauser. 
Even if they’ve experienced a lot of adversity.
“Adversity experienced by children is not a rare event, but a relatively common event,” says Marc, author of Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may include abuse, violence, neglect, poverty, and loss of a caregiver, and these experiences can negatively affect kids’ development.
But although research linking ACEs to behavioral problems and decreased academic achievement has been around for more than two decades, many adults still do not understand that adverse experiences may be at the root of children’s behavioral issues. Boys who act up (or out) at school, at home, or in the community are frequently met with punishment, not understanding.
Shifting your mindset from What’s wrong with you? to What happened to you? What’s happening? can be “transformative,” Marc says.
The 5 Ts (& How They Impact ACEs)All adverse experiences are not equal. There are 5 Ts that can impact a child’s adverse experiences:
Type  – Poverty may impact a child differently than sexual abuse or loss of a caregiver, for instance.
Tenure  – How long is the child exposed to the adverse experience? Is it relatively fleeting, or a persistent issue over many months or years?
Timing – When, during the child’s development, did they experience an adverse event? Some ACEs are particularly impactful if they occur during specific phases of development.
Toxicity  — This describes the severity of the event. Broadly speaking, severe physical abuse is typically more impactful than mild physical abuse.
Turbulence – How unpredictable and uncontrollable is the event?


In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Marc discuss:Prevalence of ACEsHow exposure to trauma affects parents & their parenting practicesACEs impact on malesThe COVID pandemic’s impact on boysStrategies boys (& others) can use to mitigate the impact of ACEsLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Vulnerable Minds: The Harms of Childhood Trauma & the Hope of Resilience, by Marc Hauser
marcdhauser.com — Marc’s website
risk-eraser.com
“Whole Child, Whole Life” with Stephanie Malia Krauss — ON BOYS episode
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) & Muscle Dysphoria — ON BOYS episode
Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.

Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & DollopNatural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order!

Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom LinensGrown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%.

Sponsor Spotlight: WinonaMenopause care made easy!
Visit bywinona.com/onboys & use code ONBOYS to get 25% your first order.

 
Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.




Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal:
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Yes, it’s possible to raise a healthy gamer. Even in a world saturated with video games.
Fighting about video games, however, isn’t helpful, says Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K), author of How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids.
“Right now, there is an antagonistic relationship between most parents & their kids around video gaming,” Dr. K says. “You think they need to cut back; they don’t think they have a problem. Then, as parents start to institute limits, children will try to undermine them. Even if you ‘win’ in this scenario, you lose.”
It’s more helpful, he says, to establish a collaborative relationship. Ask your child what he enjoys about gaming. Listen carefully to his answers, with an ear to understanding. Really work to understand what he gets from gaming, and ask questions to help him reflect on the role of video games in his life.
This takes time — and it’s time well invested.
“The time scale that a lot of parents operate on around video games is too small,” Dr. K says. Slow down, & don’t impose solutions. Instead, work on shared problem-solving. “This shifts the dynamic from ‘us vs them’ to ‘we’re on the same team.’ And the moment we make that shift, we see some beautiful changes.”
 

In this episode, Jen, Janet, & Dr. K discuss:Why video games are so problematic for many boys & their familiesThe role of gaming in boys’ livesVideo game addictionHandling boys’ resistanceWhy you should never make & enforce a boundary at the same timeWhy you shouldn’t use gaming as a disciplinary tool (or reward)Responding to kids who won’t put down their phoneLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K)
www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s website
Why are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episode
The Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episode
The Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys blog post
Why Boys Play Video Games – BuildingBoys blog post
Sponsor Spotlight: ArmoireClothing rental subscription that makes getting dressed easier. Visit armoire.style/ONBOYS to get up to 50% OFF your first month.

Jen’s Feb. Armoire haul
Sponsor Spotlight: HomeThreadsMake your home family friendly. Use this link to get 15% off.

Sponsor Spotlight: American Blossom LinensGrown, spun, & woven in the USA. Use code ONBOYS to save 20%.

Sponsor Spotlight: Dabble & DollopNatural bath products for kids. Visit dabbleandollop.com/onboys to get 20% OFF your first order!




Our Sponsors:
* Check out Armoire and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: http://www.armoire.style
* Check out Homethreads and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: www.homethreads.com
* Check out My Life in a Book and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal:
* Check out undefined and use my code ONBOYS for a great deal: undefined


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy