Make Love To The Moment David Wolf

If you are already at that age… remember the most intense, the most passionate sex of your life... Why did it feel that great?
Whatever you might think, I bet it was not that good because you were withdrawn, because you refused to feel everything. For openness is a key to intense sex. And from now on sex stands for your whole life. Every moment is like sex. You are either more or less ready to feel everything, to give everything.
Then why is openness so difficult? Certainly not because being open is unnatural. Quite the contrary. But we get used to being closed very quickly. For to be open means also to be vulnerable. Thus we run. And we do not stop until we realise we run away from life itself.

Only keep reading if you do not want to run any more, if you want to embrace your life wholeheartedly, like a newborn child.

Embrace your lover open-heartedly! Or don't do it all. Sex without a heart-to-heart connection is just masturbating with another person's body. It's nothing more than scratching an itch. It's about my needs, my desires. Even many so-called "love songs" go on about "the way you make me feel". This is not love, at least not for the other person. Love is never about what you get. Love is all about what you give, without any expectation or regret.

Let's say you hold your newborn child for the first time. - A human being that, for now, is completely unable to intentionally do anything for you. - So, when you hold your newborn child and do not care about what you get; when everything you hope for at this moment, when your only wish is for this child to have a long life filled with joy and laughter, that is love.

Love is not something you need to learn. For you feel some degree of love for something or someone all the time, if you are just open enough. And since openness is your nature, so is love.

This should be as easy as it gets. But we make it difficult. For if you are open, if you love, you can get hurt. And that is the last thing most of us want. We rather just scratch the itch and try to get from one superficial high to another. We desperately try to feel something, just because we refuse to feel everything. This is not living. This is just running away from life.

Think about this: Do you want healthy relationships in your life? Do you want any sense of self-worth or purpose? Well, you will never find that if you keep running. Because everything that is truly worth living is born out of openness and love.

So choose wisely, for a life which is not based on love, is a life thrown away.

Openness is not a "path". It`s a choice. You can choose to open completely at any time. You might say: "I want to open and feel everything, but I can't." Well, you can't because you do not want to feel everything. A part of you still refuses to go all the way. Otherwise, you simply would already be there.

Very often we do this subconsciously. Thus, in order to make conscious choices, we have to become aware of what we are doing. Which brings us to our first exercise.



For that we will use two simple hand gestures. Let me explain them first.

Imagine giving someone a gift. Since it is a gift, you do not want anything in return. Your only hope – not expectation, but hope – is to bring that person joy. So, with both your open hands, you offer your whole loving heart. You give yourself completely to the other person and the world. Therefore these are “giving hands”. This is clearly a gesture of openness.

One of the gestures of non- openness are the “clenched fists”. Imagine you really, really don’t want to be in a certain, maybe very painful, situtation. Not just your fists are clenched, your teeth are too. In fact, your whole body is tense.
Just to be clear, you should do your best to get out of unhealthy situations. But sometimes life just doesn’t feel good and the only thing we can do, is to accept it. And most of the time we do not want to accept this reality. We rather tense up and refuse to let go. Therefore this state is best represented by thoughts like “I do not want to”, or “I cannot”.



Now, these two gestures and the respective underlying mindsets cannot mix. You cannot thruthfully say “I love you” with clenched fists. Just like you cannot honestly say “I hate you” with giving hands. They are clearly distinguishable.

It might seem like only a few situations match the descriptions and most are somewhere in between. But actually they are not. If you do not approach the world with “giving hands”, then you do it with “clenched fists”, to some degree or another. Even if you do not know it.

But that is the point, to become aware of our decisions. To that end, whenever you can, do or at least imagine the “giving hands”. Ask yourself, do you encounter the person in front of you or the situation with an open heart, giving yourself completely? Do not really think about it. Instead let your hands, real or imagined, do the talking. And if you can not just say “yes”, you are saying “no”.

Repeat this exercise, until your decisions become obvious.

Most likely deep inside you are not the person you think you are. Your ego – what you call “I” – is a construct. Something you have been creating since the day you were born. It is a complex web of outer and inner judgements, expectactions, hopes and fears. And it is mostly fictional. But a fiction you turned into reality. For you live it every day.

In a certain way none of it is real. Just like everything is real. Categories like that do not even matter. The only thing that matters is depth. All your emotions are real, at least to you. But some of them are much deeper than others.

Try to remember a feeling that only lasted for minutes, or even seconds. Like the time you were annoyed when that paper-clip fell to the ground. That did not bother you for years, right?

Then recall a feeling that arose a long time ago, but did not go away at all. Like, for example, the love for your child.

Now ask yourself: Which one of these emotions is more important to you?

I leave you alone with that thought for a second.
…

To you all your emotions are true. But they all are either more superficial or more profound. The more superficial a feeling is the faster it will fade. Your deepest emotions will stay with you forever.

Of course how long a feeling might last, is something you will only find out after the fact. But if you want to know how important a feeling is to you right now, just ask yourself: How deep does it go?

At first this might not yield obvious results. But I promise you, in time you can learn to recognise the depth of your emotions right away.

This will be a tremendous help with all your decision making. Because obviously it makes no sense to base your whole life on superficial emotions. Your “life’s plan” should be based on lasting feelings, right?

Therefore your own truth lies in the depth of your self. To find your truth always go deep. Try to sense what you feel much deeper than you have ever done before. Then go deeper. And if you think you cannot go deeper, try to go even deeper.

For there is no tangible limit to your depth. If you think you have reached that limit, you have not. What you might have encountered is the limit of your readiness to open up.

Always go deeper. It will be worth it. For there you will find your deepest truth.

To paraphrase a previous statement: Your actual life’s mission is to be your deepest self.

In eastern philosophies there are many unfamiliar words. To someone like me - who had no knowledge of the cultures and languages from which they originated - they seemed deep, meaningful and mysterious. By now I know that some of those words are deep and meaningful. But none of them are mysterious. They might seem vague. If you look at them from a distance. But once you get close enough, they become very clear.



All of them can easily be explained, if you know what you're doing. There is no need to verbally meander for hours, without barely making any meaningful point. While, at the same time, using a lot of big, fancy words, in order to sound more profound than you actually are. As quite a few people do, sometimes even very famous ones. So let's talk about one of those big, fancy words in a concise and straightforward manner.



What Buddhists, amongst others, sometimes call "Enlightenment" is the experience of complete openness. A state of mind, in which you do not hold back or on to anything whatsoever.
Since we do not need big, fancy words, I will simply refer to "Enlightenment" as "complete openness". But please keep in mind, in this context we're not just talking about complete openness as a state of mind, but the actual experience of said state. And there's the catch. Of course there had to be one...



While the concept of complete openness is fairly easy to understand and thus to explain, any experience is by definition subjective. Two people can go through the exact same situation and still experience it completely different. That's why it is almost impossible to tell you what the experience of complete openness would feel like to you personally or what kind of impact it would have. Even if it is possible, I don't think one should even try. Because that experience should be yours and not a copy of somebody else's. Feel what you feel, whatever that may be, unbiased and untainted.



What I can hint at though, is the amount of impact said experience might have. To that end I am going to use a metaphor which could seem silly. But that's fine. It is not meant to be serious or realistic. Don't forget, I'm not trying to tell you what it would actually be like.



That being said, imagine you were an ant. Yes, the insect. So, you're an ant. You run around and attend your ant duties, all day long, every day, your whole life. Until now you never stopped to look up and notice the sky, not even once. However, all of a sudden, you are able to travel across the universe. - Don't ask how. Because it doesn't matter. - Suddenly you can visit distant stars, planets and alien civilizations. Now here's a simple question: Wouldn't all that dramatically alter your perspective on basically everything?



You might experience something like that, or something entirely different. It is your journey. This new world is for you to discover, if you haven't already.
There's only one point left to make. One thing which, I believe, needs clarifying. Of course we are not ants becoming space travellers, not even metaphorically. Because we always have been, we always will be, we already are space travellers, pretending to be ants.

Whenever you refuse to open, you lose the connection to our deepest self. Your actual self exists in the form of energy. As such its natural state is dynamic, ever evolving. Thus your self never had or will have a fixed shape. Nonetheless everyone’s energy is completely unique. Yours is the essence of your existence, your deepest drives and motivations. And it is, literally, what keeps you alive. Therefore the importance of keeping your energy flowing without hindrance cannot be overstated!

Losing the connection to your self is the biggest conceivable obstruction. Consider this, if the blood flow to one of your organs was blocked, that organ could die and so might you. Now, when we’re talking about obstructing the flow of our life energy, to some degree almost everyone does that. That’s why most of the time we do not really live, we merely exist. But don’t take my word for it, just ask yourself: How often do you feel truly alive? Do you feel like that every day of your life? Because that is what living really means, completely being here and now, wide awake, feeling everything.

Since complete openness is our natural state of mind, getting there should be the easiest thing in the world. Yet that state seems incredibly difficult to maintain. But it is only that difficult because most of the time we do not want to feel everything. We simply do not want to experience the worst moments of our lives as intensely as the most beautiful ones. Thus we close ourselves to some degree almost all the time. And the very few moments we actually open up completely are the ones when we feel truly alive.

To be clear, there is no outside force making you refuse to open up and live. You choose to do so. In cases of serious trauma refusing to feel everything might even be a necessary and healthy choice, in order to make it through the day. For a while anyway. But that is a completely different subject. This is not about that. This is about the little things. Everyday shit we actually can cope with, but still refuse to feel. Because it seems so much easier, right? The problem is, we cannot easily go from openness to non-openness and back. We are just not built that way. Once you are used to closing yourself, it is a long way back to a full and healthy life.

Whether you decide to live to the fullest or not, just remember: It is, always has been and always will be your choice.